Chapter Seven - Holes in the Floors of Heaven

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I held him close, I kissed him
Our last kiss
I found a love that I knew I'd miss
Now he's gone, even though I hold him tight
I lost my love, my life, that night
Oh where, oh were, can my baby be?
The Lord took him away from me
He's gone to heaven so I got to be good
So I can see my baby when I leave this world  (Pearl Jam - Last Kiss -
*Note - I edited it a bit so it would fit the story, coming from my point of
view*)
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~*After the church service (at the cemetery)*~

I watched as Nick lead the pallbearers - A.J., Kevin, Howie, Harold, Tim,
and Jerald Jr. - toward the gravesite.  I barely heard the brief ceremony.
I felt cut off from reality, isolated...and without Brian, empty inside.

Then Nick, A.J., Kevin, and Howie started to sing a song I hadn't heard
since my friend Lindsey's funeral four long years ago:

There's holes in the floor of heaven,
And his tears are pouring down,
That's how you know he's watching,
Wishing he could be here now.

And sometimes when I'm lonely,
I remember he can see,
There's holes in the floor of heaven and he's,
Watching over you and me....

During the song, one by one, they broke down and cried.  First Kevin, then
Nick, then Howie, until A.J. was the only one left.  He finished the song in
his sweet, soulful voice and, always the tough one, gruffly rubbed away a
single tear from the corner of his eye as the soft Kentucky breeze rippled
through his newly bleached hair.

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Slowly, everybody turned away and went home, until the only people left were
Wendy, Kendra, Sara, the guys, and I.  Wendy cried into Nick's shoulder as
he fiercely, protectively held her, silent tears soaking his face.  My big
brother A.J., his eyes almost certainly red-rimmed and puffy behind his
ever-present sunglasses, was holding onto Kendra as if she, too, might soon
be gone.  Kevin was just standing there, too upset to notice Sara was
holding onto his hand and crying.  I was standing alone.  All alone.  Was
this how it would be for the rest of my life?  Alone?

I was brought out of my daze my Howie, who put his arms around me.  It was
almost comical, really, because I was almost two inches taller than him.

"I love you, little sis," he whispered.

We stood there like that for awhile until I realized Sara had left and Kevin
was standing there alone.  I walked over to Kevin and his strong arms
engulfed me in a big bear hug.

Slowly, Kendra let go of A.J. and walked over to the headstone inscribed:

Brian Thomas "B-Rok" Littrell
February 20, 1975 - June 24, 1999
Life ends, but love never dies.

She gently touched it and bowed her head for a few minutes, then turned and
walked away with tears in her eyes.  A.J., Wendy, Nick, and Kevin did the
same.  Howie and I went next, then went home.  Somehow sensing my
loneliness, he hardly left my side the whole day.