Chapter 20

The pretty door lights up with Christmas lights. They hear “Deck the Halls” playing in the distance. They sit around for a while because they can’t figure out how to open the door.

Sam: Hey, I wonder what that button that says “Open” does…

Gandalf: Are you calling me stupid? I was just about to try that! Just for your remark, Bill the pony has to leave!

Sam: No! Not Bill!

Bill: That’s okay, Sam. I was getting tired of Gangsta G anyway!

Bill leaves. Gandalf presses the “Open” button.

Voice: Press “Start” to continue.

A button appears titled “Start”. Gandalf presses the button, and the doors open. A giant squid comes out of the water and slaps jetpacks on their backs. They all float into Moria, and the squid closes the doors behind them. They walk a while.

They stop after five minutes because Legolas is complaining about how greasy his hair is and how he needs to clean it out with Pantene Pro-V.

Chapter 21

Merry: Well would you look at that!

Pippin: Gollum is following us!

Sam: How long has he been following us?

Merry begins to count on his fingers and toes.

Merry: I don’t have enough.

Pippin continues the count on his fingers and toes.

Pippin: I’d say about three days.

Frodo spins around really quickly and breaks his nose on a rock. Gandalf laughs evilly. They walk for a really long time until even Gimli begins to complain about his hair.

Gandalf: Fine, we will stop in this little room so you little girlies can tidy us. Foos.

Gimli: Great! There’s a big bathtub in here!

Sam: Hey Frodo, need a bath?

Frodo: NO!

Frodo runs away and hides behind Aragorn.

Aragorn: I’ll protect you, Wayne.

Frodo: It’s Frodo.

Aragorn: Okay, Wfrodo.

Frodo: I SAID FRODO!

Aragorn: Oh… yeah…

Chapter 22

Gimli opens the “bathtub”. He sees a skeleton.

Gimli: AAH! Someone got trapped in the bathroom!

The skeleton is wearing a nametag that says “Hello: My name is Balin, cousin of Gimli.”

Gimli: NOO!

Suddenly they hear “Oompa loompa oompa dee doo, I’ve got another battle for you…”

Orcs come in, and they fight with the fellowship.

Aragorn: Wbang!

Legolas: Boom!

Gimli: Smash!

Orc: Ouch!

Orc #2: I’m dead.

Everything stops. Orc #3 sinks to his knees in the middle of the tomb.

Orc #3: *gasping for breath at edge of tomb* Go… go… go… *breaks out in song* Joseph dununununu. *dies*

The battle continues. A big cave troll appears out of nowhere and stabs Frodo. But it doesn’t matter because, duh, Frodo lives.