Chapter 23
They all start running. Gandalf has this really strange high-kneed run. Orcs begin to swarm around them.
Orcs: Doom on you… Doom on you…
Suddenly, the orcs run away. The fellowship just stands there for a few minutes, watching the fiery, menacing thing come toward them. They all start running on Gandalf’s command. They keep running until they come to a big gap in the stairs.
***** {Now,
this isn’t part of the story, however, we know why this movie is rated PG-13
for scary images. In scene 30 at 2 hours, 4 minutes, 51 seconds (if on VHS it’s
when they’re showing Gandalf right before he jumps across the gap), pause it.
Look for Sam in the upper part of the screen. It’s beyond scary.} *****
Suddenly, they all have pole vaulting sticks. They make it across the gap, all except for Gimli. Legolas catches him by the beard.
Legolas: I’m SO sorry, Gimli, I’m ruining your beautiful beard with the gold ribbons!
Chapter 24
They all finally make it across. They get to the bridge, but the Balrog catches up to them. Light-hearted music begins to play, and they see a big fiery bunny appear.
Merry & Pippin: We told you it’s a bunny, Boromir!
Gandalf: You can’t pass because *breaks into song* My name is (Merry & Pippin: What?) My name is (M & P: Who?) My name is (M & P: Chicka chicka) Slim Gangsta (M & P: G!)
Balrog: *Menacing voice* Little bunny foofoo walking through the forest, scooping up the field mice and bopping them on the head…
Gandalf: It’s getting’ hot in herre, so take off all yer clothes.
Balrog: I am getting so hot, I wanna take my clothes off!
The Balrog spontaneously jumps off the bridge, taking Gandalf with him. The remaining members of the fellowship run out of Moria crying.
Aragorn: Let’s go to Wlorien, that will make us all happy.
They all skip to Lorien.
Chapter 25
The fellowship is confronted by some elves.
Elf: A dwarf breathes so loudly we could have shot him in the dark.
Gimli is standing next to the elf panting loudly and heavily.
Gimli: Sorry, I need my inhaler.
Elf: Weed lady can cure that!
He leads them to Galadriel a.k.a. Weed Lady. She lets everyone rest except for Frodo. She takes him to… a bowl.
Weed Lady: Hey little boy… get in the car…
Frodo: … What’s a car? And why do you want me in one?!
Weed Lady: Sorry, wrong world. The weed I’m smoking is pretty strong, it messes with your brain. Hey… I heard you had some weed on you chest… got any left?
Frodo: No… why did you bring me here?
Weed Lady: Okay, truthfully, I want you to look in this… bowl.
Frodo looks into the… bowl. He sees himself getting married to Sam. He notices the engagement ring Sam in wearing is the One Ring.
Frodo: I must destroy the One Ring before I propose to Sam!
Weed Lady: Then you must leave now.
Frodo: Kay…
_
The fellowship is getting ready to leave.
Weed Lady: Here take these Harry Potter invisibility cloaks.
She also gives Frodo a special lighter.
Weed Lady: It’s for your weed.
They all leave on their boats.