Chapter 26
The orcs, led by Jessica, leave Isengard to go after the Fellowship.
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The members of the Fellowship traveled down the
Aragorn: This one is Wally, and the other one is Waldo.
Sam: Where’s Waldo?
Aragorn: *Points* Over there!
They land at the shore.
Sam: Frodo, let’s go take a nap together. It may be our last time alone.
*Everything stops. Gimli and Legolas appear in front*
Gimli: This is called dramatic irony.
Legolas: This is when the audience knows something that the characters in the story don’t know.
A giant squirrel appears.
Squirrel: Anyway…
*The mystery of the squirrel will be revealed later. Everything goes back to normal.*
Frodo: No, Sam, how about not.
Frodo runs away. Boromir sees Frodo running off and decides to follow him.
Boromir: I am going to follow Frodo. I’m following Frodo. I have followed Frodo.
Chapter 27
Legolas: Something draws near. I can feel it.
Merry and Pippin walk by, coloring in their coloring books.
Sam wakes up.
Sam: Where’s my love? And Boromir is gone! Boromir and Frodo are alone together!
Gimli: That’s an oxymoron, Sam.
Sam: What?
Gimli: You know, alone… together. You can’t be alone and with someone at the same time!
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Boromir: I’m going to say you can’t be alone. You can’t be alone. I have said you can’t be alone. I will want the Ring. I want the Ring. I still want the Ring.
Frodo: Stop, in the name of love, before you break my heart!
Boromir: I’m going to say no. No. I have said no.
Boromir attacks Frodo.
Frodo: Rape! Rape! Rape!
Frodo sprays Boromir with pepper spray. Boromir gets off Frodo.
Boromir: I’m going to say it burns. It burns. I have said it burns.
Frodo gets away and takes out his Magic 8 ball.
Frodo: Everybody is freaking me out, Magic 8 ball. Should I go by myself?
8 Ball: Signs point to yes.
Frodo: It’s settled then.
Aragorn comes.
Aragorn: Come on, we have to go. I have to protect you.
Frodo: Can you protect me from yourself?
Aragorn: Whatchu talkin’ bout, Willis?
Frodo: It’s Frodo.
Aragorn: …Wfrodo…
Frodo: IT’S FRODO!
Aragorn: Oh, yeah…
Aragorn suddenly takes out his sword. Frodo runs away
screaming, thinking that Aragorn is going to kill him.
Chapter 28
A bunch of orcs pop out. One of the orcs shoots an arrow at Legolas and it chops off some of his hair. Legolas turns around screaming like a girl and proceeds to kill twenty orcs in his rage. Aragorn and Gimli join up with him.
Aragorn: Wboom, Wsmash!
Gimli: Bang!
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Merry and Pippin are off alone and are about to be killed. Boromir suddenly comes running up.
Boromir: I’m going to say I’m going to save you! I’m going to save you! I have said I’m going to save you!
He fights for a long time, saving Merry and Pippin. Suddenly, Jessica appears, her black hair flowing in the wind. She takes her bow and arrow, and aims carefully and Boromir. She shoots him. He keeps fighting. She shoots him again. He keeps fighting. Jessica shoots him for the third time. Boromir finally falls to his knees. Merry and Pippin are picked up by some orcs and given a piggy back ride.
Jessica goes up to Boromir and prepares to shoot him. Aragorn pounces on Jessica! They fight for a while, but we know how it ends. Aragorn cuts off Jessica’s head. The head goes rolling over in front of Legolas. He looks at it and runs away screaming like a girl. Aragorn runs over to Boromir.
Boromir: I am dying. I have died. I am dead.
Aragorn: Now how did he do that?
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Frodo starts floating away in an inner tube. Sam is running after him. Sam grabs two big leaves and makes wings out of them. He flies to Frodo’s inner tube and drops down behind him. Frodo screams when he turns around and sees Sam. They float off across the river, Frodo crying.
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Legolas: Let’s go back on the river, I need to cleanse myself.
Aragorn: No, I don’t feel like it. Let’s go after Merry and Pippin.
Gimli and Legolas: Okay!
They all leave.
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Sam and Frodo are standing on a hill.
Frodo: I’m really not very happy you came with me, Sam.
Sam: You’re stuck with me now, Biotch.
Frodo groans and they walk down the mountain
