Then, all of a sudden in the depths of Frodo’s dream, he hears, “It’s getting’ hot in herre, so take off all yer clothes!”

Frodo relives the moments where the Balrog and Gandalf spontaneously jump off the bridge in Moria.

Gandalf falls…

And falls…

And falls a little more.

We’ll stop there. You get the picture.

The two tumbled together like clothes in the tumble dry cycle. They fall into some water.

SUDDENLY, Frodo sits up from his dream, rolls over and hits his deformed nose against a rock.

*In the distance, Gandalf laughs evilly.*

Sam: Do you have a booboo, dear?

Frodo ignores him and they continue to walk.

SUDDENLY, the erect nipple (Jenny.. It was ALL Jenny!) of Sauron flashes into Frodo’s mind.

Frodo: Holy crap!

Sam, for once, is silent with jealousy. Somehow he knows what happened in Frodo’s mind just then. Wow. Telepathy.

They sit down a little while later to eat. Sam rolls out a tablecloth and sets out two candles.

Sam: I thought we’d have a nice little moonlight dinner with candles! How romantic.

Frodo: Sam, it’s daylight. Do we have pancakes? I like to eat them in only four big, monstrous bites.

Sam: No, no pancakes. Just some Happy Meals from the McDonalds down the road.

Frodo: Happy Meals! I want my toy! What is it?

Sam: They’re the little plastic Barbie dolls. They’re my favorite.

Blah blah blah. They eat. Soon, guess what, they walk again!

Sam: This place looks familiar. It smells funny too.

Frodo: It’s because we’re going in hexagons! And there must be Ariel’s flip flops around here somewhere.

After a while, the two traveling companions settle down for a little shut-eye. All of a SUDDEN, a pink object jumps out of nowhere yelling, “WEEEEEEEEEE!”. It lands on Frodo’s nose and breaks it. *Gandalf laughs evilly.* Like Old Yeller, the pink thing tries to bite them. See, get it? Like a rabid dog. Fight fight fight, they go. Punch.

Sam, obviously, doesn’t like the pink thing wriggling around on top of Frodo. He pulls him off and somehow makes him immobile. Soon, pink thing, which Frodo has SUDDENLY remembered to be Gollum, starts to cry because Frodo and Sam are big schoolyard bullies.

---

Pink Thing: It freezes! It burns!

Frodo: Maybe we should take off that string of dry ice around his neck.

Sam: Fine. But you, pink thing, need to lead us to Mordor or else we’ll stuff you in a locker!

Pink Thing in high pitched British voice: Oh no! Fine! I’ll lead you! I swear on the precious! *coughing* Pink thing! Pink thing!

---

Merry and Pippin are being given piggy-back rides by the Uruk-Hai.

Orc #131.1829: I smell Pantene Pro-V! There must be elves about!

Pippin: Legolas! They must be coming for us! I think I will “accidentally” drop my marijuana leaf brooch that resides on my cloak! *Drop*

We first see our pal Waragorn… oops! We mean Aragorn resting his head on a rock. He decided to take a nap as Legolas and Gimli had stopped to fix their hair. SUDDENLY, Legolas pops in front of the camera, giving one of his signature smoldering looks.

Legolas: Wakey wakey eggs and bakey!

Aragorn then wakes up.

Aragorn: Wyatt, why did you wake me up?

Legolas: Sorry, hot stuff/sexy, but we need to go.

---

!!!LATER!!!

Gimli: Well, would you look at this! I seem to have found a stray marijuana leaf lying here on the ground. I think I shall puff it.

Legolas: No, Gimli dear, marijuana is so very bad for your complexion.

Aragorn: Marijuana? Now, is that made of metal?

Gimli: Why, as a matter of fact, I do believe it is!

Aragorn: IT MUST BE WILL’S!

Legolas: Will? Will Turner? It’s mine! Oh jumping jelly beans!

Aragorn: No, you ass, our little hobbit friend Will.

Gimli: Don’t you mean Pippin?

Aragorn: Oh yeah.

Legolas: *whispering to Gimli* You hear that? He was talking about my perfectly tight ass! These pants just completely accentuate my perfect buns.

Aragorn: Let’s go!

Gimli: Don’t worry! I’ll catch up! We dwarves are natural synchronized swimmers!

They run. La de da.

Aragorn: Alrighty, we’re in Rohan now.

---

Saruman is standing in his room lookin’ pretty with his fingernails drooping dramatically over the magic bowling ball.

Saruman: Who can resist the power of the manicurists of Saruman and the hairdressers of Sauron. I know one elf that can’t, that pansy.

He watches a movie with a bunch of little people marching. Yay!

Saruman: Okay little minions, go kill everyone. Have fun! Hurry back now, you hear? Be back in time for dinner!