My experiences with the personals

Updated Jan 6th, 2003.

My first experience was about 5 years ago now, 1997 or so. I had found a couple cats in my car, and had the idea to try to find them homes by putting an ad. I think it was Deja.com. Anyway, I placed the ad, and out of curiousity, took a peek at the personals section.

I noticed a very strange ad from a woman nearby. So I answered it. She was nice, but very strange (and coming from me, that said something). Anyway, I ended up writing her for about six months. But it never really worked out, because in that time, she expressed virtually no interest in me whatsoever. She just wanted someone to listen to her. Which wasn't what I was looking for. I mean, I like listening to people , but I also like to form an emotional attachment. She didn't want that.

So anyway, I had nothing to do with personals for about a year and a half. Then (Nov 1999) I decided, what the the heck, I'll place one. I'm lonely, so it's not like it can hurt. So I placed one, and .my first ad actually got a reply. From someone that seemed to be everything that I was looking for. But it rapidly became apparent that I wasn't what she was looking for. She stopped replying quickly to my emails, and when it got to be about 2 weeks since I heard from here, I assumed she had completely lost interest, so I send her a message saying sorry you weren't interested in me. But she actually responded to that, calling me 'unattractive', because I wasn't full of myself. She was apparently looking more for the giant-ego, gold chain wearing, camaro driving, jerk type.

I didn't mind her dumping me (so to speak), since quite honestly, that's nothing new. But I had never been called 'unattractive' before. I wouldn't mind it if she meant in the physical sense (since I'm not exactly Kevin Sorbo), but she meant it in a less tangible sense. That stung.

Anyway, after that, I didn't place ads for a while. I guess about 3-4months. But then I started again, and it's pretty much been all downhill from there.

Mostly, I've gotten almost no real responses. I've gotten some respones, but most are not what I was even remotely looking for. Possibly the biggest of responese are just to insult me, mostly calling me a 'loser' or variations on that theme.

But even worse, was there were a couple of women who offered to talk to me out of pity. Which was well meant, but hurt. Pity sucks. And it's not like I'm that much of a loser. I mean not be rich, or exciting, or good looking, or interesting, but I'm nice, smart, weird, have a sense of humor that some people have found funny once in a while.

I did get one reply from a woman who I thought was serious, but it appears she may have been mentally ill, and sent a message to every guy who had posted an ad. Because I wasn't what she was looking for, and we had little in common. Actually, I'm not sure anyone could be what she was looking for. It was a little creepy, to be honest, sort of this freudian thing - she seemed to be more interested in her brother than someone of her own.

And there are a couple of strange replies. A couple have just been one line, asking me a question. Since I never heard from them again, I guess I must have answered wrong. Of course, one was "Are you a real person? You're not just a fictional character", and since I said yes, I'm a real person, I'm not sure how I could have answered it wrong.

Plus, I've gotten a whole bunch from married women. And a couple from men. (I didn't even read those). And several (well, 3) from women with kids, which are something I'm not into right now.

After about a year and a half ago (April, 2001), I did get a reply from a very nice woman named Aly. At first I thought it was a scam, because her first email was a bit generic and had a link to a website. But she was actually real. Nice, and interesting, but just nothing clicked. She was also too young for me (24, and I was 30. Not a huge gap, since there are like 80 years old guys marrying 12 year old girls in other countries, not to mention Tony Randall. But eh.). I also didn't really think I had much of a chance with her. She was far, far, far 'cooler' than I am. I'm basically something of a geek. Not quite geeky enough to fit in with geeks, though. Basically I felt outclassed. Several years ago, back when my mustang had working brakes, and I was young enough to be the sort of idiot that liked to 'drag' the car next to me at a light, I was at a light when a Ferrari Testerossa pulled up. I didn't even try to drag him, because I knew that I was completely outclassed. Same exact feeling I had with her.

About a year ago, in December of 2001, I got a reply from an odd woman. We didn't have anything in common, she lived in columbia, and she was a bit, well, odd. Very nice, and a decent enough person, but something that set me on edge and gave me warning signals. And she also apparently weighed a lot more than me. I dunno. I'm not looking for a super-model, but if I can weigh around 160-170 lbs, and am a man, and am nearly 6 foot, why can't women who are much shorter than am weigh less, or even about the same? .Still, she was mostly just a bit creepy. She was a nurse, and I got the idea that she had some sort of caregiving complex, and she felt sorry for me. She also told me that I was the 3rd guy she replied to. That's very flattering, considering I've had an ad on yahoo for years. So, I wasn't her first or second choices. Still, she was very nice, in a creepy way. (I just find nurses a bit creepy. Like hospitals).

Then nothing for 6 months or so.

Then in July of 2002, I got an email from that woman who called me unattractive. I should have said "Please leave me alone" or just ignored it. I mean, if she wasn't interested in me 3 years ago, why would she be interested in me now? I haven't gotten more interesting. Probably less.

But like a fool, I did. I really really liked her the first time. I wasn't in love with her or anything (duh), but I really liked her, and her first email really touched me. In a lot of ways she was (and is) everything I've been looking for. But vice-versa isn't true - wasn't true then, and it's not true now.

But despite that I'm still talking to her, and I actually even met her briefly. I'm not exactly sure why that happened - I sort of accidently talked her into it (not that I didn't want to, I did. But it just sort of happened by accident). I dunno. I really like her a lot. In a lot of ways, she's a lot like me. But in a lot of ways, she's the complete and exact opposite. Which I also like. Still, while I do find her attractive in of herself, the fact she doesn't seem particularly interested in me is a huge turnoff. Duh, you might say, but for some reason, maybe because I've always been interested in nice women, but a lot of times women I date (or sorta date) don't want to come out and say that they never want to hear from me again, because they don't want to hurt my feelings. They really would like to never hear from me again, apparently, they just don't want to say it. So they string me along for months and months thinking I'll move on, but I don't, since I'm generally a bit dense when it comes to these things. Until they finally have enough and tell me off. (Which they should have done months earlier, would have saved both of us a lot of hassle).

I'm not sure if that scenario applies here or not. Guess I'll find out. I would like to be friends with her. So maybe that will happen. Doesn't seem likely though - didn't even wish me a merry x-mas (or happy new year).

Someone on Lavalife recently sent me a smilie (it's a way of expressing interest in a person without spending a credit to send an email). Except she was in North Carolina, 3 years older, didn't have a picture, and more importantly, I never heard from her when I sent a smilie back. I dunno. That place does cost $1.25 or so to send an email to someone, but if she didn't want to email me, why send a smilie in the first place? Blah.

A couple other women have sent me smilies. One with a pack of kids (yikes), one in Jefferson City who seemed sorta nice, but is way too far away, and a woman in Granite City Illinois. The last one is really a puzzler - absolutely nothing in common.

Just lately (Nov 12th or so), I had a flurry of smilies from a few women. But apparently they were just scammers, because they disappeared from the system a couple of days later.

So to sum up, my experiences with the personals have been pretty negative. So I can't recommend other people try them, although then again, most people aren't me.

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