Thanks-Giving
Well, ever since the
new ARMADA toys were shown at Toy Fare, Transfans everywhere have been
whiny little bitches about how the new line doesn't live up to this unsubstantiated
promise or that vague rumor. I was no better at first, but then I
realized that things could have been far, far worse. So now, like
the slap to the face or punch to the nuts that you all need so very much,
I give you reasons to give thanks for ARMADA.
Be thankful...
-
...that Hasbro never made an "EXTREME
Transformers" line of toys.
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...that this time, Optimus Prime is
a truck, not a fire engine, monkey, elephant, lion, fruit bat, salmon,
marmot or sea otter.
-
...that while continuity issues probably
won't be resolved, at least we won't have continuity explained by a mysterious
Oracle throwing down smoke grenades and saying "Poof! It's magic!"
-
...that while not as poseable as God
Convoy/ Omega Prime, the ARMADA Super Prime will be able to withstand the
awesome might of my brother's foolin' without collapsing under its own
weight.
-
...that Transformers will once again
transform from robot to vehicle, instead of from one spikey ball of plastic
to another.
-
...that Transformers will actually transform,
instead of snap together like misshapen Lego blocks with over-active thyroids
and severe distention.
-
...that the most Hasbro has ever done
to the Transformers line to make it more "hip" was to create a skateboard
Transformer, and to suggest that kids not use drugs; or at least only use
the ones that make Grind-or seem like a good idea.
-
...that while the new ARMADA toys don't
come with guns, they do come with Mini-Cons that can unlock guns, blades,
clamps, missiles, salmon, marmots or sea otters.
-
....that High Wire, Grind-or and Scooter
will join together to form one easily recyclable chunk of plastic.
-
...that the new series will involve
mechanical transformations and tense action instead of transcendental morphing
and a vague sense of karmic ennui.
Back-handed
compliment
