Mike walked out of Mitchell Middle School with an exhausted look on his face. He sighed heavily, putting his hand to his forehead. From his hair he pulled out a spit-wad, and tossed it away. "Just keep telling yourself," he muttered to himself, "It’s for the children…it’s for the children."

The young school teacher didn’t take notice of the crowds gathering along the road just alongside the school grounds. They all gazed upwards, whispering and gasping all at once. "Oh my lord! Look, it’s one of them!" "Oh no! They’ve got guns!" "Do you think it will be serious?"

Atop the flat roof of a sizeable commercial building two transformers were duking it out. Cyclonus pulled out his blaster, aiming at the battle-hardened Autobot. "This is the end of it you scrap pile!" he swore.

A black metal fist racked Cyclonus in the chin. "Not by a long shot, retro-jet head!" Jazz kicked the gun away, delivering a second punch to the Decepticon. As Cyclonus staggered backward, Jazz smirked, glancing briefly down to the street as, now hundreds, of humans watched in anticipation.

"Heh…quite a crowd I’m gathering! Well ‘ol Jazz is never one to disappoint!" He stretched out his arms, two bulky, boxy devices deploying from his hips. "I’ll blast Cyclonus and impress my fans with one of my classic light shows!" An array of blinding lights and holographic flashes shined out in twin beams, directed at Cyclonus.

"Agh!" the Decepticon groaned, covering his eyes. He dropped to the ground, one hand shielding his eyes. He groped around for his blaster, sneering to Jazz, "Your pathetic little starburst isn’t going to save you this time! That attack of yours was overrated twenty years ago just as it is now!"

Jazz confidently smirked, "Heh! It’s a classic! Classics never die easily!"

Gripping his gun, Cyclonus softly mumbled, "Now they do…."

From the barrel, a blast rang out.

"Hey, excuse me; some of us have a schedule to keep!" Mike yelled, forcing his way through the crowd to get to the school parking lot. He came up to his old Toyota, yearning to go home. Then he reached into his pocket, and stopped. "Where’s my keys?"

"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOA!" Jazz exclaimed, tossed from the height of the building. Like a giant rock he plummeted with his backside casting a shadow on the street below. Immediately the crowds shrieked and fled, rushing away. Jazz’s shadow shifted, aiming toward the parking lot now….

"Finally," Mike smiled, pulling out his key from his pocket, "Now to take a quiet, peaceful ride home in…."

Jazz crashed directly on top of the Toyota, turning it from vehicle to two tons of shattered glass and scrap. It happened in a split second, a blur of motion followed by a sickening crunching noise. The human stood there, key in hand barely three feet away, with wide eyes.

"…my car," Mike finished.

The Autobot got up with a grunt. He glanced at the human through his visor-like optics, and then noticed the squishy metal he found himself laying on top of. "Uh-oh. Sorry little dude. Falling off a building isn’t exactly Jazz trained for."

"Ha!" a laugh echoed from atop the building. Cyclonus stood with a smile, his gun in hand. "A pity you Autobots never learned to fly! Till another day, SNAZZZ!" The Decepticon laughed, transforming and streaking across the sky.

"THAT’S JAZZ! JAZZ!" the Autobot yelled back. Growling, he got to his knees, standing fully upright now. He looked to the shocked human, and then back up at the sky. "Well this makes it a lousy day for the both of us, don’t it?"

"My car…" Mike weakly muttered, still holding the key in his hand as he gazed fixated on the flattened car that more resembled a run-over soda can than a Toyota.

Jazz turned around and looked at the human once again. He frowned, seeing the expression on his face. "Oh man," he said apologetically, setting down on one knee, "I’m terribly sorry! Man…we Autobots aren’t quite as nimble around you guys."

Mike stared at the wreckage. "My car…."

Jazz smiled, snapping his fingers as an idea came to him. "Tell you what. I’m not scheduled to report back to Autobot HQ for a few megacycles just yet. Oh man, this is such an electrifying idea!"

With a jump, Jazz transformed, becoming an all-functional certifiable car before Mike’s eyes. As Mike stepped back in disbelief, the car’s right door opened, welcoming him inside.

"Well step on in!" Jazz’s voice emanated from the car, "Seems only fair that I give you a ride since I squashed your old one. Nothing better than Autobot riding!"

"Autobot?" Mike spoke. Suddenly, his eyes lit up. "Autobot! Man, why didn’t it occur to me before?"

"Probably because you just watched your car get flattened before your eyes," replied Jazz.

Mike soon strapped himself in and with a rev of an Autobot engine, he was off. Initially it was a tad strange riding in the passenger seat without a driver to his side, the steering wheel and clutch upsettingly moving by themselves just inches away.

"This is weird," Mike said in a slightly nervous tone, "But neat! Man, I’ve heard of you guys since the eighties!"

Jazz chuckled, his voice emanating from the radio and speakers it seemed. "Heh, good to know we still have a few die-hard fans left! As you can guess from the incident with your car, not too many people take us lightly when property damage is involved. By the way, the name’s Jazz. What’s yours since I’m going to be driving ya for a while?"

"Mike," the human politely said, "and that name sounds familiar. Weren’t you one of the ‘original’ guys with…what’s his name? Optironix…Optimix…Optimus Prime?"

"Yup!" proudly said Jazz, "Was in his service for some four and a half million years no less!"

"Four million years?" Mike nearly choked, "You were out fighting those Decepticons for that long?"

Jazz fumbled a bit as he turned a corner. "Well, not exactly. Actually, most of that time we were stuck in stasis lock…asleep or in a coma to use your fancy human lingo. We were left that way after crash landing with Decepticon raiders aboard our ship up until some twenty-two years ago."

Mike cocked his head to the side with a raised eyebrow behind his glasses. "So let me get this straight: you’ve been actually fighting the Decepticons for a couple hundred thousand years in the past, crash landed on our planet and got dropped stone cold for four million years? Didn’t anything at all happen while you were asleep then?"

Jazz joking replied, "Well since I was in stasis, I can’t say per say. Our ship was trashed pretty thoroughly so we didn’t get much outta Teletran-1, but we did find some weird animal tracks all over the ship and caverns – I think ape, cheetah, and rhino tracks among others, but none of us know much about Earth fauna to deduce what happened."

Mike laughed. "Yeah, I doubt they were fighting some ‘Beast War’ or something, heh heh."

Jazz and Mike talked a lot, about Optimus, the Transformers, Cybertron, Earth, and some of the finer things in life too. "Man oh man, not even Spike was as fun to chat with as you when he was your age!" Jazz said to Mike.

Mike smiled. "Thanks. Believe me, this is the most fun I’ve had since the two thousand and three Botcon convention! A real relief after a hard day of teaching too."

"Hey! How about some music to relax to? I know just the station to turn to…." Jazz suggested. The radio dial began to turn, seeking out one particular station.

"Welcome to KMFDM Ninety-nine," a radio announcer said, "Home of nothing but eighties metal music across the state line!"

Jazz’s speakers boomed with music…or rather music only a pumped-up, disc jockey would love. Mike put his hands to his ears, fearing that they’d begin to bleed from the massive volume. "JAZZ! MY EARS! TURN…IT DOWN…PLEASE!"

The Autobot bounced along, swerving as he car-danced to the music. "What was that?" he yelled to Mike as the music raged. "Hang on a second, lemme turn it down so my audio receptors can tune to what you’re saying."

Once the volume dropped to non-fatal levels, Mike sighed "God I feared I’d go deaf!"

"Oh, sorry!" Jazz apologized, "I’m so used to riding alone and playing my tunes so loud. I guess it’s easy to listen to music that loud when you can get your burned-out receptors replaced every other week!"

Mike poked his pinky finger into his ear, trying to clean it out. "Yeah, no kidding."

A loud truck horn filled the air. Without warning a giant dark semi-truck came barreling down, cars literally flying in its wake and crashing to the sides. It turned a sharp corner, nearly toppling over as it skidded against the side of a business store, shattering glass windows as it turned into Jazz’s path.

"Jez! Somebody needs to drag his butt off the road!" Mike said, unable to believe the damage.

"That ain’t no human driver, Mike," Jazz said, "It’s Motormaster!"

"Who?" Mike asked.

The truck came straight at Jazz at over sixty miles an hour. "Hang on!" yelled Jazz, swerving hard to the left. He went up on his left set of wheels, literally squeezing between the truck and the curb as the massive vehicle took up much of the road. Mike was shoved to one side, only the seatbelts keeping him from flying out the door.

Jazz fishtailed, spinning to a stop after applying his breaks. Mike gripped the dashboard, his glasses hanging by one earlobe. "What was that?" he yelled.

"Two words," Jazz answered, "Decep-Ticon!"

Motormaster transformed, the end of his long trailer becoming his head and shoulders, his eyes glaring at Jazz and his human occupant. "Time to show you who’s king of the road!" In his right hand was a huge rifle, the barrel end shimmering.

"Oh crap!" Mike yelled, "Floor it Jazz!"

"Flooring it now!" Jazz yelled, his clutch shifting gears. The white and blue-striped car went into reverse, driving down the road backwards! Motormaster left a smoking crater behind as he ran after the Autobot, huffing as he leapt over cars and screaming pedestrians.

"RIGHT! NO NOT THAT WAY!" Mike yelled, looking back at Jazz’s rear windshield at the cars speeding their way.

"My left IS your right!" yelled Jazz.

"Well can’t you just turn around?" Mike shouted, "You’re driving backwards into oncoming traffic!"

"Tell that to Motormaster!" shouted Jazz, swerving wildly as the Decepticon fired at him.

"Well…radio for help or something! You’ve got more buttons in here than my computer! One of ‘ems got to be a distress call!"

At Autobot City, Ultra Magnus and Silverbolt went into the communications room. A single button was lip up on the silvery console. "Incoming com-link it looks like," said Silverbolt, "Bringing it up now."

"AGGGGH!GIANTROBOTSATTACKINGMEANJAZZANDOHMYGODLOOKOUTFORTHATTRUCK!!AHHH!!YOU’REGOINGTOKILLUSJAZZISWEAR…." came in a long, screaming line of barely tangible words. Ultra Magnus and Silverbolt looked to each other and blinked.

"That…vaguely sounded human," Silverbolt said, "But it’s on Jazz’s frequency."

"The Protectorbots are in that area, providing human services. Send a call to dispatch them," Ultra Magnus said.

"Please tell me you’re equipped with airbags Jazz!" Mike panted, still strapped into Jazz’s seat.

"Why’s that?" asked the Autobot.

"BECAUSE WE’RE ABOUT TO CRASH!" Mike yelled.

The car swerved into a set of trashcans, sending them and their lids flying as he drove backwards into a store. Mike moaned, his glasses lost and his head dizzy. Jazz gave a weary moan as well, totally knocked out.

Motormaster’s heavy footsteps approached, halting as he came in front of the store. He stooped down, peering inside. It was a car show dealer room, filled with dozens of cars and numerous humans walking about. They were all of different shapes and sizes, some blue, white, green, even red. The Decepticon growled, unable to pick Jazz out despite the broken glass suggesting he drove inside.

Long after the Decepticon stormed off, a police motorcycle drove up. The policeman stepped off, walking inside as he took notice of the broken windows. He strode inside, finding the white and blue-striped car responsible. Inside was Mike, just coming to.

The officer tapped the window. "Excuse me, where’s the owner and driver of this vehicle?"

"What?" Mike moaned, picking up his glasses and turning to face the officer. When he put them on, he saw the shiny badge. "Oh crap."

The officer immediately pulled out his ticket book, already presuming this guy was drunk. "Had a little something too strong I take? Alright, explain what happened."

"But I wasn’t driving officer," Mike tried to say, "Jazz…err…the car…as strange as it sounds, was driving…."

The officer frowned, now suspecting drugs. "Alright, out of the car. I’m taking you down to the station until whatever you took wears off pal. We’ll send a towing service to tape your car…."

"Excuse me officer," a voice spoke from behind. Mike and the policeman looked, watching as the policeman’s very motorcycle he had been riding transformed. A gold-faced Autobot stepped inside, leaning a hand onto Jazz. "The human isn’t crazy – this car is Jazz, an Autobot like me. We apologize for the damage, unintentional as it may have been. I’ll take it from here sir."

The officer blinked. "Right," he muttered, walking away as he chucked the ticket book.

The new Autobot tapped Jazz’s hood. "Online Jazz?" he asked.

"Yeah, just a little beaten up," he replied, "Tangling with both Cyclonus and Motormaster in the same day can have that effect, Groove."

"Groove?" asked Mike, looking to the motorcycle Autobot.

"One of the Protectobots, at your service," Groove smiled, "The other Protectobots would have been here, but Hotspot and Blades are taking care of a fire, Streetwise is chasing down some jaywalkers, and First Aid was, I think, taking this pregnant woman to a hospital. Didn’t catch her full name, but I think it was Claire…something."

"CLAIRE?" yelled Mike, "THAT’S MY WIFE! TAKE ME THERE, PLEASE! SHE’S HAVING MY BABY!"

Groove blinked, then again smiled. "Sure! Jazz, follow me!"

Within twenty minutes, a motorcycle, car, and a father-to-be arrived at the city hospital. With two Autobots struggling to follow after him, Mike ran in yelling "OUT OF MY WAY! CLAIRE’S ABOUT TO HAVE A BABY! OUT OF THE WAY!"

In two minutes Mike was in the delivery room, but found himself late, and not alone. Standing over the young woman holding a swaddled package were two other Autobots, First Aid and RedStreak, who were busy watching over the mother.

Mike smiled and went up to Claire, and saw the little baby. The pair went all goo-go over the child, making these weird little noises like "Aww…gitchy-gitchy goo!" and "wee-wee la-la aww so cutie-whootie!"

RedStreak looked to First Aid. "Is that noise normal for human parents to make?"

The Protectobot shrugged his shoulders. "Not a clue."

Mike looked to Jazz and Groove. "Well, thanks for getting me here at least. Maybe you can help us think of a name for our baby girl."

"Oh! Oh! I got one, or two actually!" RedStreak excitedly waved an arm, "How about…Claireatron or…Mikeus Maximus?" The Ferrari Autobot received a room full of blank stares. "What?" replied RedStreak.

"I’m glad the doctor delivered the baby and not you!" First Aid said.

"Say, how did it get in there in the first place?" RedStreak asked naively, "Considering all that screaming I heard when it came out I’m sure it would have taken…."

Mike slapped his head to his forehead, Claire just laughing.

First Aid grabbed RedStreak and whispered something into his ear. A series of weird expressions appeared on RedStreak’s face as he was ‘informed’ on the ‘intricacies of human production.’ "Really? You’re kidding? Uck…that sounds so…yucky and gooey. And humans do that thing ALL the time?"

Mike blushed. "Well, not all the time."

The baby gurgled and opened her mouth. The two parents looked down in wonder. "I…think she’s trying to say something!" Claire said.

"What? Already?" Mike said in surprise.

The baby smiled. "Autobot!" she said her first word.

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