From The Temple Of The W00dChuck

In The Days to come when nations will rise and fall, The Eternal One will be there watching over the faithful followers. I am His Prophet, My name is The Dr. (Also Known as The Der.) I have traveled far and wide, and have wittnessed many happenings. Some of them good some of them bad, all linked to the Eternal One.

The Eternal One does not have the luxury of not having enemies, he has many that would love to take his creations and and Make them perverse. The one who is the most vile is The Sadistic Arrmidillo, he and his evil army known as The Army Of 'Dilloness, have wreaked more havoc than imaginable, not to mention all of the humans who are following This evil in a half shell . This is a short list: Adolph Hitler; Bill Clinton; Charles Manson; Jeffrey Dalmer; Lorana Bobbit; Richard Simmons. (The last being the most vile of all!)

For Centurys We have struggled hard to keep the faith alive, and we have succeded to a point, but in the last few years the numbers of faithful have dwindled. Many have strayed, some have simply forgotten. But remember, as long as there is but one of us alive, we will overcome them and prevail in the end.

Since some of you Have forgotten them here is the revised list of Commandments:

This is all I have for now, I will wright more later, Thanks be to the Eternal One, for making stupid people, without which I would not have had the beginings of a computer to wright his visions down with.

To all a good day
The Dr. Prophet of The All Seeing All Knowing W00dchuck joy.
/s
(oopppss...not a bbs)

This is stuff I ripped off of my BBS (Falcar's Haven) And You may distribute it freely, I encourage it, but under no situation may you alter it!!!!!!!!!
Enjoy, and Praise Be The W00dchuck!
The Dr.
8/9/1997

Introduction


As you are floating through the reaches of cyber space, you hear the all to familliar sound of the de-mat process, and in a cloud of what can be best described as a pof of un-smoke, you see 4 bright lights bearing down on you, you jump just in time to avoid being hit by a 1978 dark Blue Pontiac Grand Prix, you spin around with shock to notice that A small furry creature was at the controls of the vehicle, as it careens away haphazzardly you notice the tag - OUTATYME, and you chuckle to yourself you have heard legends before of The Eternal One, the Small furry creture of lore and legend, and you go on your way flitting about the net in search of cool stuff, secure in the fact that The Eternal W00dchuck is out there somewhere. Then, as you are about to give in to notion that the whole episode you witnessed was the delusion of those mushrooms you accidently ate on your pasta last night, you come across someone on the street preaching, he seems very enthusiastic, and unlike most street preachers, he is not annoying, in fact people are actually listening to him, and they are enjoying what the preacher has to say, then you relize you have found who you were looking for... You have found The Dr. ! You have heard of him for he is.. The Dr. Prophet Of The All Seeing All Knowing Eternal W00dchuck joy.

"Exitdos"

Verse 1
In the old days when the world was a free palce to men and Animal, One was the ruler of all creaton. He was The Eternal W00dchuck. (Long may he chuck w00d!) The residents of the Earth were at one in a state of Chuckatiude. The preachings of the Sadistic Armidillo were but mere ravings of the deranged.
Verse 2
But Then things Change...
Verse 3
The Sadistic Armidillo's ranks grew while the Almighty W00dchuck's folloers dwindled away, either drawn to the Evil Faction, or lost in the wages of the sadistic war that lasted for well over 5OOO Years. And in the end there was nohingness, a compleate void. Then this guy said "Let there be light!" and then there was, and it was good. He was a goodish sort of god, but then don't they al mean well? Actually what really was said was" Hey turn on the Damn Light I can't see in here!" And when the offending light switch was put into the "on" position, he said "Thats Good..I'm glad we paid the eletric bill" Oh how rumors start, and how the Humans follow them...And how The Evil Armidillo works his ways.
Verse 4
In About 12000B.C. (Which Actually stands for "Before Chuck", not the Alimighty Chuck, but the on making such a fuss over the light.) The Eternal W00dchuck gathered all the creatures, and people still loyal to Him, and His ways, and spoke to them. Verse 5
"Go Into The Lands and become one with them, let the Cows be your allies, as well as the badger,and the Mongoose, and the Snagenfluttels. (Snagenfluttels, being a rather brutish, smelly, not to mention ugly creatures, decided they wanted no part of it, and commited mass suicide, by Snaggeling each other to death with their own Flutles!, but that is another matter altogether.) "Go Into The Lands and Grow tobbaco, so that some day mankind will have the Holy Smoking material of The Marlboro. Some of you go to the South, So that you may cultivate coffee beans, so that one day Mankind will have the Holy Drink Folger's Dark Roast, Some of you learn to work with the elements so that one day Mankind will Have the Sacred Flame Giver Of Zippo. More of you Will travel north to a place that will be known as Chuckvonah, later to be known as Detroit, so that My Chariot may be constructed in the Year 1978 A.D. And Then When the time is right I shall send to you a new Prophet, who will lead you to a State Of perfect Chuckatuide, the likes of which the world has never known."
Verse 6
And so in buggies, carts, riding Horses, cows, llamma, oxen, and the last remaining Snaggenfluttel named Henery (No Snagles were left to fluttel him, he later died a very bitter extremely old Snaggenfluttel, who had in his later years taken up the hobby of throwing very heavy objects from his cave , at young couple passing by, for the reason of they were young couples.), Unicorns ( They were around until the Evil One had his way!), Hamsters, Mongeese, cockroaches ( they were beautiful, large muti-colored, flying creatures, with high intelligence, and were fun to play Scrabble with, as well as invite over for dinner, The Evil one once again struck a dastardly blow) as well as The Mice. They set out on the "Exitdos", a name which was later stolen by that Chuck fellow, and changed to "Exodus" just to aviod copyright infringements! And They Left to reclaim that which they had lost, Their Dignity, pride, Their Homes, Lives, their jobs, digital watches, but most of all Their Faith, and Their Coffee , and Cigarettes.

 I have written what the Eternal One Has given to me in a Vision. If More is to be known, HE will let it be known to me, And I shall tell those who are Faithful, and whom HE Finds Trustworth of HIS word. -The Dr. Prophet Of The All Seeing All Knowing Eternal W00dchuck joy.

Re: W00dchuck Bible Chapter 1
This Is a reprint of a Vision I had about 3 Years ago, enjoy. I was typing so fast that there are lots of misspellings, and some words are cut a little, please excuse me, I was over come with the moment and wrote to carelessly, but the text is accurate, just misspelled. Thank you. The Dr.

Re: Y2k spellcheck by the Traveller
Three years old in 1997? That would make it 6 years old now. between now and then the Spell-Check had been invented. Other W00dchuck Texts have yet to be uncovered. (or at least asked for by the Dr. He has become something of a recluse...) Being the keeper of the Internet Woodchuck files, I have the authority (probably) to spell-check this document, except for the words that I like the way they were spelled. May all Miriadians be enlightened by the wisdom of the Dr., and also that of the W00dchuck. The Traveller

This is a List of the Members of the church as far as I remember.. (In No Order)

This Exhausts my list of people I can think of, I KNOW there are More, but I cant think of them, frankly, I'm impressed I remembered this many. A few of these people, don't even know they are listed, and their titles are merely honerary and they hold no real power in the Cult, But I felt they needed to be listed. They Are denoted with a "*". The Dr. Prophet Of The All Seeing All Knowing Eternal W00dchuck joy.