The Great Slackrifice

1

  1. In the time of our Holy Chao, the great Eris stopped to tweak the foreheadial pineal glands of the Four Fathers of Miriad, to which a great Slackrifice had to be made.
  2. It fell upon the Annointed Mölar Mountre, to which he cried out in public. "Do not fear me, brethren, for ye shall also not fear the police of the land, for you have placed your power in their heads, and guns in their hands.
  3. And now they are as useless as you, humans no more or no less, except now with false ritual tools such as red and b lue lights and guns."
  4. Shortly after this, an assassination attempt on Mölar's life was ruined by the daughter of a policeman.
  5. The tweaking then fell upon the Second Class Saint Ivan Gregorevich Buzzkill, to which he simplt stammered "But-but-but..." and then passed out.
  6. The last two of the Four Fathers exploded into flames, leaving behind a magick 8-ball endowed with the powers of Eris - and this was the Great Slackrifice.
  7. From this great Slackrifice, the holy knowledge was received by the Two Fathers (or Half-fathers) in the form of a magickal eight-ball.
  8. This eightball awnsers for Eris... Other people in this cabal were possibly the Prophetess of the Eightball, our Lady Sterlling of the Church of the Woodchuck (AL).
  9. Mölar and Buzzkill have decided to Immanetize THEIR own brand of eschaton by creating the Magickal School of Miriad, the spiritual temp agency of the Ages.
2
  1. ... then a great darkness fell over the land, and there was Slack. But it was not in the hands of the people.
  2. [omitted]
  3. But yea, there was a great flood, there was a great crash of airplanes, and yea there was an astral dream
  4. the aliens came down and said to the Traveller, "Lo, though thou art yet young, we shall give thee fruit."
  5. This confused and comforted the Traveller.
  6. He was told of A great Time in the Book of the Law, in which there was a holy secret in which his name was written.
  7. And yea, Slacker was to lead them afar to the land of miracles.
  8. and lo, there was a vast spaceship.
  9. [omitted]
  10. But then there was another great disaster of flames and hope.
  11. [omitted]
  12. "... give them my heart," spoketh the Traveller of the great Beast.
  13. "And unto you shall be like little whirls of dust."

The Epistle of the Chocolate Bavarians

  1. Ahoy dear Brothers of the Collective Taco.
  2. I speak of the Chocolate Bavarian, not born of the Bornless One, but of the Lizard Two.
  3. These sons of Ba'al follow the Eye of the Illuminatus.
  4. They are of the False Erishood of the Greyface, and evil.
  5. But the Chocolate Bavarians are the Easter Bunny Illuminati. And they are made with Pure Milk Chocolate (PMC).
  6. The Bavarian Illuminati and the Chocolate Bavarians are two seperate sects, as you are not man/woman.
  7. The Chocolate Bavarians threaten the safety of our Collective Taco.
  8. Taco is o-cat spelled reversely.
  9. Et al ococh snair avab.
  10. Late cooch ribs anava.
  11. Where there are donuts, you will find the Chocolate Bavarians.
  12. "Ewige Chocokraft" is their motto.
  13. Beware the German Chocolate Mafia.
  14. The German Chocolate Mafia are the False Chocolate Bavarians, for they are made with Tainted Milk Chocolate (TMC) and sometimes Tainted Hot Chocolate (THC).
  15. Their false motto is "Ewige Fudgenkraft".
  16. This is not a joke - stop laughing...
This was translated from the Vattanian Toungue circa 3408. The epistle of the Chocolate Bavarians was written in a rich and creamy tounge filled with pudding. All of this is making me, the translator very hungry. This all came from the lost book of the Traveller and the Slacker. It could be true or false or never both.