Sequel to "Do I Know You From Somewhere", "Not That Kind", "The Lonely One", "Truth Or Lie" and "When To Hold On".

*****

A soft knock at the door. Chris smiled, already knowing whose face he'd see when he opened the door. Things had been going well lately. He and Vin had been getting along and hadn't had any more arguments. Unfortunately, another thing they had also not had was privacy, at least not as much as Chris would have wished. A few hours here and there in his room or out riding but that was about it, and it was far from enough. Maybe in a few weeks they could take a longer ride, stay away for a few days. He let Vin inside, closed the door and wrapped his arms around him. He felt Vin's arms hugging him in return, and he held Vin just a little tighter.

"This is a nice way to start the day," Chris said softly after a long moment of silence. He kissed the top of Vin's head, then drew back to look at the younger man's face.

Vin nodded, looking into Chris's eyes. He wondered when he'd stop feeling shy around the man. But there was just something about Chris, something about the way he was when they were alone. Like a different person, with a personality that had nothing to do with the one he normally showed. Having known Chris a relatively short time it was hard to tell which personality was really him, but Vin knew which one he preferred. Was this how he'd been with Sarah? Had he held her this way each morning? He must have been the perfect husband. Sweet, gentle and loving. He must have been just perfect. Vin's thoughts darkened, and not for the first time he felt that he had something that didn't really belong to him. Sarah and Adam would never come back, but they would never go away either. It was pretty obvious to Vin that he'd have to learn to live with it, or leave.

"What is it, Vin?" Chris looked at his partner, his now sad eyes. It never ceased to amaze Chris how Vin could switch moods from one minute to the next. If possible, he was even better at it than he himself was. "You look like you're thinking about something bad. Nothing's happened, has it?"

"No..."

"Vin, tell me. Please..."

"I just..." Vin began, but he wasn't sure if he should go on, if he should tell Chris what he really felt. What if it destroyed what they had? And how was he going to put it really, without having it come out the wrong way?

"You just what?" Chris insisted, but in a soft voice.

"I think about your family sometimes," Vin admitted.

Chris looked at him. He was surprised, and yet he wasn't. It was inevitable when you were with someone that you thought about their past, but they had never really talked much about it. And Sarah wasn't just an old flame of his, she'd been his wife, and together with Adam the three of them had been a family. As far as Chris knew, Vin hadn't had a long relationship in all his life, so when Chris thought of Vin's past it was other things that he had on his mind. There were still so many things that he wanted to know about Vin, but he was fairly sure he'd never find out about a former family of his. "I think about them too," Chris said. "And I know why I think about them," he added carefully. "How come you do?"

Vin shrugged. Chris had let go of him now, but they were still standing close to each other. "I think about how much you must want them back, and how I could never replace them..."

Chris studied Vin for a moment, noticed how he didn't meet his eyes now. For the first time he realised that his past must be painful for Vin too. Not the same way it was painful to him, but painful in the way that Vin would probably always feel that he could never replace Sarah and Adam, that he'd always be standing in their shadow. "That ain't something you have to do, Vin," he said. "They're gone, and no one could ever replace them. You couldn't replace Sarah even if you were a woman, and I'm not with you because I need someone to replace her."

Vin nodded, looking up at Chris. He felt ashamed. For bringing up the subject, even if it was Chris that had asked, and for even thinking about it. Sarah and Adam were dead and they wouldn't come back. Still, if it was one thing that would make Chris whole again, it was to have them back, and if Vin could give him that one thing he would. Even if that would be his loss. "Reckon I know that. It's just that I feel that something's missing, that there's this one thing I just can't give you, no matter how much I want to..."

Chris caressed Vin's cheek gently. He understood what the younger man said, he might even have felt the same if he was in Vin's situation. "I've told you more than once, Vin," he said, "that I ain't looking for someone to replace my family. They're gone, and I've come to terms with that fact." The second he said it he realised that he had indeed come to terms with it, even if the pain had yet to go away, if it ever would. "What I haven't come to terms with is not knowing who killed them. Can you imagine how it feels having your family burned to death and not knowing who'd do such a thing?" Chris's eyes filled with tears and he turned away from Vin. He'd never cried in front of his friend before, and no matter how much he loved and trusted Vin, he didn't quite feel ready for it. But when he felt Vin's arms encircle his waist from behind, he couldn't hold back the tears anylonger. His tears weren't only for his lost family, but for Vin too. No matter how much his past hurt Vin as well as himself, Vin seemed determined to stay with him.

He turned around, clinging almost desperately to Vin. He wanted to ask him to always stay with him. To never leave and never get killed. To just stay with him. He didn't say any of those things. He couldn't ask for that, couldn't possibly tell Vin that if he left or if he died, then his life would be over. You just couldn't put demands like that on another person. Only in your mind. Or maybe after a few years together... What he instead said was, "I love you Vin, I love you so much..." Maybe it wasn't the right time to say a thing like that for the first time, but Chris didn't really care, and he couldn't have stopped himself if he'd tried. He did love Vin, so much it made him ache physically at times. He'd admitted it to himself a long while ago, and now he'd just told Vin for the first time. It felt a bit strange. He hadn't said those words in years.

Vin held Chris closer. "I love you too," he whispered, amazed how easily the words came to him, and how natural it sounded despite his previous fears that it might sound odd. Maybe it sounded natural because it was the truth. He steered Chris towards the bed and made him sit down. He sat down beside him, stroking the wet cheeks. "Lie down, Chris," he said, gently pushing him down on the bed.

"You're not leaving, are you?" Chris asked.

Vin heard the worry in Chris's voice, and he quickly reassured him, "No, I ain't leaving." He lay down beside Chris, putting his arm around his chest, his head on his shoulder. He really had no idea how to comfort Chris. How did you comfort a man who was so filled with grief? The only thing he could do was stay when Chris asked him to, and show him that he'd never leave no matter what. And that, if anything, was the truth. He got up on his elbow, but kept his arm across Chris's chest, caressing gently. Chris had closed his eyes, but Vin knew he was awake. He kissed Chris's cheek then lay his head on his shoulder again.

They lay together for a long moment, neither of them saying anything. Chris had a lot of things that he wanted to say to Vin, but he didn't know where to start, and he didn't know how to say them without Vin misunderstanding him. He wanted to tell Vin that he was the only one for him, just like Sarah had been the only one for him when she was alive. The fact that he was crying over her and Adam now didn't mean that he loved Vin any less, but he wasn't sure if Vin knew that. "Vin...?"

Vin got up on his elbow again, looking at Chris. He seemed to have calmed down now. Vin smiled, tenderly caressing his still wet cheeks. "What is it, Chris?" He was glad that Chris had broken the silence, because he himself had had no idea what to say. Not that silence with Chris was a problem, but sometimes Vin just felt that something should be said. Apparently Chris felt the same.

"I've told you how much you mean to me, haven't I?" Chris began tentatively. It was really a meaningless question, because he knew he'd told Vin more than once how important he was to him. The problem was that he wasn't sure if Vin really understood yet.

Vin nodded slowly. "Yeah..."

"And you do believe me, don't you?"

Vin looked at Chris a bit uncertainly. "I believe you," he said, wondering why Chris was asking him.

Chris saw the change in Vin's eyes, and he felt maybe he should have just kept quiet. Maybe he was just making it worse. "I just feel that you're having to put up with a lot of crap to be with me."

"What do you mean?"

"Just... my past, Buck trying to mess things up, and then there's Mary, although she's not doing anything intentionally to hurt us."

Vin smiled. "She's just being Mary..."

Chris smiled too. "Exactly. I'm sure if she knew that you and I were...you know, together, she'd leave us alone."

"Except we can't tell her."

"Right," Chris said, "we can't tell her."

"And as for Buck, I don't think I care so much anymore," Vin said. "I just hope that we can learn to get along. I kinda like him, no matter what he's been like to me."

"Well, Buck likes you too, Vin. I've seen what he can be like when he really don't approve of someone and believe me, that ain't funny. Compared to that, how he's been to you ain't nothing."

Vin chuckled. "That's comforting..."

"But he's still done wrong, though, and he better have a change of attitude soon."

Vin kissed Chris's forehead. "I'm sure he will," he said. And even if Buck wouldn't change his mind about them, nothing would change between he and Chris. Chris seemed prepared to choose him over Buck if he had to, but Vin hoped it wouldn't come to that.

"If he wants our friendship to last he will."

"I think he does, even if he ain't been acting like it lately," Vin said. He was just about to say that where it concerned Chris's past, he was beginning to understand that in a way it was going to be his past now too, but a knock at the door stopped him. "You expecting someone, Chris?"

"No." Chris got up from the bed, drying his eyes with the sleeves of his shirt. He watched Vin getting up from the bed beginning to casually take care of his gun. Trying to look innocent, Chris assumed, the thought making him smile. He opened the door, surprised to see Judge Travis standing outside. "Judge Travis. What can I do for you?" He saw Orrin notice Vin in the room, nodding at him. He didn't look like he found it strange that Vin was there. Or maybe he just had too many other things on his mind to care. He did look troubled.

"That man we put in jail earlier, I just spoke to him. He's called Blackfox. You ever heard of him?" Travis looked carefully at Chris, almost expecting him to push him out of his way to get to the man. When no such reaction came and Chris shook his head no, he continued, "He says he knows some about what happened to..." This was harder than he'd expected it to be. He had lost a son himself, Chris had lost both his son and his wife. If he was younger and wasn't a law abiding judge, Travis knew how he himself would've reacted to what he was about to say. "To your wife and son," he said quickly.

Chris just stared at the Judge. Blackfox, who the hell was Blackfox? And what was his connection to Sarah and Adam? Was he the one who'd killed them? All of Chris suddenly turned to darkness. If this man in jail was the murderer, would that mean it was over? He doubted it. "He was a horse stealer, right?" he asked, trying very hard to sound more controlled than he felt.

"Yes," the Judge said. "He'll be hanged."

Chris frowned, his confusion growing. If this Blackfox was going to be hanged for stealing horses, how would it help him to confess to murder as well? It didn't make sense, and Chris lost hope again. "Why would he admit to killing my wife and son?"

Now it was Travis's turn to frown. "But he hasn't, Chris," he said. "He says he wants to make a deal. His life for the information he has about what happened to your family."

"His life, huh?" Chris turned around, only to find Vin looking at him with an unreadable expression on his face. And to think this morning had begun so well... Maybe if the information was useful this day would continue being meaningful despite how things were now. He turned towards the Judge again, but looked past him. Too many questions were spinning around in his mind. He had to decide where to start before he stood face to face with Blackfox, so that he didn't mess things up. "He just might wish he was dead before I'm through with him," he said, talking mostly to himself.

Judge Travis looked at Larabee, his ice cold expression, his clenched fists. He'd done what he came here for, there was no reason for him to stay. "I'll be leaving now, Mr. Larabee. You know where Blackfox is if you want to talk to him." He nodded towards Vin who by now had stopped pretending to clean his gun. "Maybe Mr. Tanner should go with you in case you do decide to go talk to the prisoner," he suggested, then left the two men alone.

Chris closed the door and walked inside his room again. Without looking at Vin he said, "I'm gonna go have a talk with this guy."

"I know," Vin said. "You want me to come along?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"Don't question me, Vin," Chris snapped. He felt instantly bad, but couldn't find it in him to apologise.

"Ain't what I'm doing," Vin said calmly. "I just think maybe I should go along. You don't know what he's like."

"Neither do you," Chris said. "And if he turns out to be more than I can handle, then maybe that's just a good thing."

Vin didn't need Chris to clarify to know what he'd implied. Chris had been right when he said Vin had to put up with a lot to be with him. A lot, but not too much. Maybe Blackfox would be more than Chris could handle, although Vin doubted it, but Chris was not more than Vin could handle. He'd take a lot more than this, and still stay with him. "No need for you saying things like that, Chris. You know that ain't what you want."

Chris took a deep breath, then looked at Vin. "No," he said silently. "I just feel sometimes that it is what I want," he said, trying to explain. "I've lived with that feeling for so long, I can't seem to let go of it." He shrugged. "I don't know..."

"No, Chris," Vin said softly. "You do know. You want to make the one who killed your family pay for it, and you know that ain't gonna happen if you let anything happen to yourself."

"I guess," Chris said. It was really kind of awkward to have someone know you so well. And he and Vin hadn't even known each other for long at all, and still Vin just knew. And stayed. Awkward, but a blessing.

"And you want to be with me," Vin said softly. "I hope," he added, lowering his eyes. He couldn't believe he'd said that.

Chris nodded. "Yeah," he said, trying to smile. He sighed. "I do."

"But you have to go now," Vin said, helping Chris out of the situation. He hadn't expected any particular reaction to his words, and he really shouldn't have said anything like that at all. "Just don't try and push me away again, Chris," he said, letting Chris know that everything was all right between them, and that he could go. Go and do what he had to do. Vin wished this Blackfox would have the answers. If he did, then Chris would be able to put yet another bad thing behind him. If he didn't, then the number of ghosts haunting Chris would remain the same. Maybe they would anyway, Vin thought sadly.

Chris didn't say anything, didn't kiss Vin goodbye. He just left his room and began walking towards the jail. His anger grew with each step he took, and by the time he reached the jail he was furious. The man he was about to meet had information about what had happened to his family, and if he so much as thought twice about sharing that information with him, Chris would make sure he'd be wishing he'd been hanged already.

*

Chris knew he should have asked Vin to come along with him, but he really didn't want him around right now. He'd never say that to Vin, though. It would just come out sounding wrong, like so many of the things he said to the younger man. He'd completely lost it when he'd talked to Blackfox, and he was really glad that Vin hadn't seen that. It wasn't as if Vin didn't know that he could be violent, but somehow he sometimes felt ashamed of his behavior and his temper even though those two things were what had helped him out of many situations, and were the reason he was still alive today. He just didn't want Vin to see it. He wanted to start all over with him as much as was possible. He'd been a better man before, years ago, when he'd had his family. Now he was...like this. Apparently 'this' was good enough for Vin, but he still wanted to keep the worst sides of himself away from him.

He really shouldn't be thinking about Vin at all right now, but Josiah and Nathan were with him, and Blackfox wouldn't stand a chance if he tried to escape. He stopped his thoughts by starting to ask Blackfox questions about the men he'd ridden with. He didn't enjoy talking to a man like him, but he'd do anything to find the ones who'd taken his family from him. After a while, Nathan's voice interrupted his interrogation.

"Rider coming up fast. It's Buck."

They all looked back, each knowing they should have paid more attention to their surroundings. It was only Buck, but it could have been someone trying to free Blackfox. Not that Chris thought that the man had many friends who'd do that for him, but still.

"You out for a ride?" Chris asked Buck when they were beside each other.

"Heard you were going back," Buck said, smiling slightly, not quite knowing why. This was not a moment that demanded a smile from him. He guessed he just wanted to show Chris a sign of friendliness, considering how he'd treated him recently.

"No need for you to come along."

"Yes, sir, there is. I'm the man who talked you into staying down in Mexico that night. And I keep thinking, if we'd just rode back..."

"I could've come back alone, you didn't keep me there. Let it go." Chris did wish Buck would just let it go soon. It wasn't his fault. Chris could make his own decisions, and that time he'd decided to stay. A fatal decision, but one that could never be changed no matter how much he or Buck thought about it. Chris knew all about having different versions of "what if" occupying his mind, and he knew they were useless and couldn't change the past. In that respect it seemed he had come a bit further than Buck.

"Sarah was my friend too, Chris," Buck said, thinking about the friendly and beautiful woman who had been Chris's wife. "And I think you know how I felt about that boy of yours. So if it's all the same, I think I'll ride this one out with you."

"Suit yourself." It didn't bother Chris if Buck came along with them, and maybe it would be good for him. It might help him forget that part of his past that he was obviously still struggling to come to terms with, a struggle that Chris was all too familiar with.

*

The following day Chris stood next to Sarah and Adam's graves, his mind filling with memories of the past. It occured to him that maybe Vin was right when he thought Chris was trying to push him away. Maybe subconsciously he was trying to push Vin away, trying to make his heart turn cold so that he could be alone with his grief again. But it didn't make any sense, because not having Vin by his side was not what he wanted. But then, not much made sense right now. He walked to where Buck and Blackfox were standing, intending to get some answers out of Blackfox.

"You're gonna tell me exactly what happened that night, you understand me?" he said. "From the moment you set foot on my property, 'til the moment you took the lives of my wife and son." He looked Blackfox in the eyes, noticing that he looked scared. Scared, and almost innocent. And maybe it wasn't he that had killed Sarah and Adam, but he'd had something to do with it, and he was going to talk about it whether he wanted to or not. That was the deal, after all.

"I told you I didn't do it," Blackfox said.

He was saved from further questioning by Nathan who came running to tell them he'd found something. To Chris, 'something' didn't sound like it would be of much interest to him, but then again it could mean the difference between knowing and not knowing.

What Nathan had found was a pair of boots. Only one of the boots had a spur. It couldn't be a coincidence, the boots had to have belonged to the man Blackfox had told him about, the man he'd ridden with. After some more discussing with Nathan, who came up with more information than Chris himself would have thought of, they were on their way to the saloon in Eagle Bend. Once they got there, Chris immediately approached the bartender, thinking he should know a thing or two about the people who lived in or passed through his town. And how hard could it be to remember a lefthanded man who rode a big, gray horse?

Very hard, apparently. The bartender only remembered the man Chris asked about after some not so friendly persuasion from him and his partners. How much easier wouldn't it be if people could just realise from the beginning who they were dealing with?

When evening came he left Blackfox at the jail in Eagle Bend, glad not to have to bother with him for a while. Entering his room at the boarding house, it soon became clear to him that he'd have to bother with other things, though. The bartender he'd spoken to earlier that day was now hanging in a closet in the room, blood dripping from him. Someone's way of trying to tell him something he assumed, then left the room to go and get the Sheriff's people so that they could remove the dead body. Walking back to his room right away was out of the question, he would never be able to fall asleep now anyway. He instead headed for the saloon, hoping some whiskey and the company of Buck and Josiah would help him relax some and not think too much about how much he missed his family, and how much he wished Vin was there with him.

*

The next day didn't start much better than the previous had ended. Yelling at Josiah during breakfast was probably not the smartest thing he could do, but the man's calmness was completely unacceptable to him. And then that little man who'd followed them yesterday that he thought they'd gotten rid of. Jock Steele, from New York, visiting the West to do research for his novels... Chris got up and left the table before he did something he'd regret.

He stopped on the porch outside the saloon and when the others came out it took only a few seconds before they were being shot at, and he and his partners returned the fire as best they could. They didn't have much luck though, and then suddenly a wagon pulled by two mules came rolling down the street. Chris just stared. Where the hell had that come from, and what was it doing here? Everyone just stopped shooting, watching the unbelievable sight before them. Then from one second to the next three men-JD, Vin and Ezra, Chris noticed with relief-became visible and the shooting began again. A few of their enemies were shot, but three of them managed to get up on their horses and ride away. Chris watched as Vin lifted his mare's leg and despite the distance shot one of the fleeing men. He knew that if Vin, JD and Ezra hadn't shown up, he or one of the others might be the ones with a bullet in them now instead.

They mounted their own horses quickly and followed the three men, letting Vin lead the way. They ended up in Purgatory, much to Chris's dislike. He could still remember his and Vin's last visit there, but that time he'd sent Vin home right away. This time he knew that Vin wouldn't leave no matter what Chris said, and Chris knew that he needed Vin with him there. In every way. But at least one in their company was glad to be in "the Mexican bandit town". Jock Steele, still following them around. Chris shook his head. Would they ever get rid of that guy now that he seemed to have taken a liking to them?

Chris dragged Blackfox off of his horse and walked towards the cantina, but on the way there he saw the horse that one of the men involved in the shootout had escaped on. He left Blackfox with Nathan, who had followed him, and used his normal hostile way to get the information he needed. When it became clear to him that the man he was just about ready to kill wasn't the one he was looking for, he almost felt like killing him anyway, just for the sake of it. He knew he was losing it, and that the man had Nathan to thank for his life. He walked outside again and headed for the cantina. Once inside, he noticed Vin standing in the far corner behind Josiah. Chris wanted to go to him, but what he wanted to do once he was near him wasn't something that would be appropriate to do in these surroundings. Or any other surroundings for that matter, he thought grimly, his mood getting even worse.

When Vin came up to him by the bar showing him a photograph that Steele had taken, he just felt confused at first. Did Vin honestly think that he was interested in watching anything that Steele, a man Vin must surely know that he disliked, had anything to do with? But he looked at the photograph, paying particular attention to the things that Vin pointed out; the glove and the cheroot. The bartender had said that the man they were now looking for wore gloves and often smoked cheroots. It had to be the man in the photograph. Perhaps Jock Steele wasn't all that useless after all, Chris thought. But he still pushed him away violently. The little man might just have proven useful, but he was still annoying as hell, and the last thing Chris wanted was to have him standing close to him the way he'd done.

He had Blackfox look at the photograph, and when the prisoner confirmed Vin's suspicions about the gloved, cheroot smoking man in the corner of the image, his mind filled with thoughts of what he'd do once he got his hands on the creep that Blackfox said was the one who killed his family. There was only one thing he could do; get some answers, then kill him. Steele had said the photograph was taken an hour ago in the cantina. An hour wasn't a long time, the man might still be around. He looked around for someone to ask, and when he spotted a man by the bar who looked like he was a regular in the cantina he approached him.

"Do you know him?" he asked, holding the photograph in front of the man's face. Just when Chris thought he'd have to use violence yet again, Buck joined them, shoving a gun into the man's back. An old reliable trick that usually worked.

"Answer him," Buck said.

"Yeah, I've seen him," the man said, seemingly not too content with the situation.

"What's his name?" Chris asked, getting no immediate reply from the man. "What is his name?" he repeated.

Buck's gun pushing a bit more insistently into the man's back made him answer. "Fowler. Cletus Fowler."

Buck shoved the man aside, looking at his old friend to see if the name had sparked any recognition. "That name mean anything to you?" he asked.

"Never heard of him," Chris said, still watching the photograph. But at least he had a name now. Maybe the answers he was looking for were a bit closer than before.

*

A couple of days later they found themselves in Eagle Bend again. They'd come up with nothing, more or less. No new information about Cletus Fowler that they could use. But Chris sensed that the man wasn't far away. Hell, he might even be closer than he thought, laughing about Chris's inability to find him. The thought almost drove him crazy, and he didn't bother to join in the others' conversation about what they'd found or not found. He needed whiskey, and he needed to be alone.

"I need a drink," he said, striding off towards the saloon. After only a few minutes the door opened and Vin came inside. Chris didn't look at him. If he'd wanted Vin to join him, he'd have said so outside.

Vin walked slowly to the table where Chris was sitting. "We're ready to keep looking. The Sheriff and some of the local boys have agreed to help," he said.

Chris did look at him now, feeling bad about his earlier thoughts. Vin didn't come in here to intrude on his privacy, he came in to let him know what was happening. Besides, if you really wanted privacy you didn't go to a saloon. "Where do you think he is, Vin?" he asked, wanting the younger man to stay now, to hear his calm and soft voice.

"I don't know," Vin said, sitting down. "But after that brush in Purgatory, he knows that there's seven men gonna hunt him down. Hell, he's probably long gone."

"My gut tells me different," Chris said, telling Vin about the mountain lion he'd had trouble with back when he was ranching. "See, I was tracking that cat, but all along he was behind me, watching me. That's how I feel about Fowler."

"Fine line between the hunter and the hunted," Vin said. The thought that Fowler might be watching Chris from a distance waiting to strike made him sick. "All the more reason for us to go get him first."

Chris saw that Vin was about to get up and leave. "Wait," he said. "Have a drink."

Vin sat back down, watching Chris with disbelief. He would have thought that he wanted nothing more than to get started immediately. "Don't you think we should look for him right away?" he said. "I mean, what if he really is watching you?"

"I hope he is," Chris said. "If he knows where I am, he'll come to me sooner or later."

"And when he does?" Vin asked, not sure if he really wanted to know. Chris seemed intent on getting the answers he'd been looking for all these years, which was fine with Vin, he wanted that too. But Chris also sometimes acted as if he was ready to die in the process; get his answers then be reunited with Sarah and Adam. That was not acceptable to Vin, but he knew he had no right to question any of the decisions that Chris made. That didn't mean it didn't hurt like hell every time Chris implied that he'd rather find his peace in death than stay here and find peace with him. "When he finds you, Chris, what do you do then?"

"I do whatever I have to do, Vin," Chris said. "And I'll do it alone if I must," he added.

"You don't," Vin said.

Chris smiled. "Good. I was hoping for backup from you, and preferrably from the others too." Chris told Vin about the plan he'd been thinking of. If Fowler knew anything about him, which Chris assumed he did, he'd know that Chris often got drunk. What better way then than to pretend to be really drunk and that way fool him, make him think that Chris wasn't someone he needed to fear. "Think it could work?"

Vin looked at Chris, saw his determination. He wondered why Chris had asked him at all, because he could tell his opinion wasn't important and that Chris had already made his decision. Maybe he'd just asked out of politeness, Vin thought. "If something goes wrong, Chris..." Vin began, but didn't know how to go on. If something went wrong and Chris was killed, he'd be devastated. He wanted to tell Chris but something about the whole situation made him feel that any objections he might have were of little or no importance. This was Chris's fight, whether he or the others chose to participate or not. Vin got up and left, and went outside to tell the rest what was going to happen.

*

They began their journey back to Four Corners early the next day. Chris felt completely empty. Last night had not gone as planned, only at first. Fowler had been fooled and his men had been defeated by Chris's partners. Then the bastard had chosen to die in the burning barn instead of facing his punishment. Maybe Fowler had realised that Chris would have killed him himself after finding out who he'd worked for, and knowing death would come to him either way he'd chosen to remain evil until the end. It would have been so easy for him to just name the person who'd hired him but he'd refused, the cold and evil bastard. Now they were on their way back to Four Corners, and Chris still had few answers. The only difference was that now he'd stood face to face with the man who'd killed Sarah and Adam, and that man had casually mentioned that he'd enjoyed it, as if it had been just another day at work. And Chris knew one more thing; he was the one who'd been supposed to die in the fire that killed his family. How was he supposed to go on living knowing that?

For once Chris rode behind the other six. He had no interest riding in front having his partners watching him, maybe with pity. He didn't need their pity. The only thing he needed was to be alone and think it all over, decide where to go from here. When Chris looked up he saw Vin riding slower, waiting for him. He really wanted to just be left alone and not have to talk to anyone, even if it was Vin, but he steered towards the younger man anyway. Vin seemed to understand his need for silence and didn't try to talk to him, didn't even ask if he was all right. Maybe because he already knew the answer.

Chris knew that Vin wanted to talk about what had happened during the last days, but Chris didn't know what to say. If Vin needed to be close to him physically, or thought that he needed the physical closeness to Vin, then Chris would give him that. But that was all he could give him right now, because mentally he was somewhere else.

*

End, part VI.