Pairing: Chris Larabee/Vin Tanner
Rating: PG
Warnings/spoilers: None

*****

Chris Larabee looked around the saloon, hoping that this time his eyes would meet the ones of his lover. They didn't, and his worry increased. Vin should have been back by now.

"Buck," he said, "Didn't you say Vin had said he'd be back in town in an hour?"

The man sitting across the table looked at him and nodded. "He did."

"Well, that was over an hour ago."

Completely oblivious to the reason for Chris's worry, Buck said, "It was about two hours ago, actually. Vin can take care of himself, Chris, you know that."

Chris looked thoughtfully at the glass on the table in front of him. "Yeah, I know..."

"Relax, Chris. You know what Vin's like. He likes his solitude now and then," Buck said. It occured to him that Chris seemed to want to know about Vin's whereabouts more and more lately, but he didn't know what to make of it, so he let the thought go.

Chris downed the rest of his whiskey, grimacing from the strong, fiery taste. "I know that," he said, then got up.

"You going somewhere?" Buck asked.

Chris shrugged nonchalantly. "Just gonna go check the surroundings a bit," he said.

And see if Vin is somewhere in those surroundings, I assume, Buck thought. "Okay," he said, deciding not to question Chris and his behaviour.

*****

When Chris had ridden for about twenty minutes he spotted Peso, and close by him sitting on a rock, Vin. He jumped off his horse and walked towards them. When his horse whinnied, Vin turned around, but didn't say anything. Chris was silent too while he tied his black to the same tree as Peso, then he sat down beside Vin.

Vin looked at him briefly, his heart beating faster for a moment, the way it always did when Chris was around. "Hi," he said softly.

Chris looked at him, his hand reaching up to stroke Vin's hair. "Hi." He kept caressing Vin's hair for a while, then put his arm around the younger man's shoulders. "Did you have any plans to come back home tonight, or were you gonna stay out here all night?"

Vin shrugged. "I was gonna come home..."

"I was getting worried. Didn't know where you were," Chris said.

"I told Buck to tell you I'd be gone for a while."

"He said you'd told him you'd be back in an hour. That was over two hours ago."

"I'm sorry," Vin said, not knowing exactly what he was expected to say.

"No need to apologize, Vin. You know you can do what you want, but you also know that when you're not back when you're supposed to be, I get worried," Chris said. He could hear that what he said sounded almost like an accusation. He didn't mean for it to, but Vin brought out emotions in him that were sometimes hard to handle.

"I know, I'm sorry."

"I told you you don't need to-"

"What the hell do you want me to say then?" Vin interrupted him, his anger rising.

Chris was surprised at the outburst, but decided to stay calm. If Vin yelled at him like that, something was definitely wrong. "That the new language we use with each other then?" he asked calmly.

Vin shook his head, his anger slowly being replaced by sadness. "No..."

Chris squeezed Vin's shoulder and leaned towards him, planting a kiss on the top of his head. "Tell me what's wrong, Vin."

Vin shook his head. "Nothing's wrong..."

"Don't give me that crap, Vin. I know you, I know something's wrong." Chris looked at Vin, who didn't say anything but just looked anywhere but at him. "Does it have anything to do with yesterday?" he asked, recalling that Vin had been more quiet than usual today, even around him, before he'd gone off with Buck. He knew he'd been a bit harsh, but he thought Vin understood why.

Vin shrugged again, but didn't say anything for a while. When he spoke, his voice could barely be heard. "It just... it made it obvious that I have stronger feelings for you than you have for me," he began, deciding to be truthful about how he felt.

Chris looked at him, surprised. He knew that Vin worshipped him, and he loved every little thing that he did to show him that he did. But he thought that he himself had been pretty good at showing his feelings too. Thinking back to yesterday, he realised that his possessiveness with the younger man was probably what had been shown the most. Still, he said, "That's not true, Vin. You know how I feel about you."

"I don't. You've never told me."

Chris sighed, slightly annoyed. "But I've shown you. What do you want from me, Vin? A ring?"

"I ain't interested in wearing no ring on my finger, Chris," Vin said, sounding equally annoyed.

"Well, thank God. For a while there I thought you wanted a church wedding or something," Chris said sarcastically.

Vin looked at him, irritation showing on his face. "Don't be silly, Chris, you know I don't. But if we did get married in church, at least that would prove you're not ashamed of being with me."

"What?" Chris said. "Ashamed of you? That's the most ridiculous thing I've heard, Vin. I'm proud of you, and I'm proud of loving you."

Vin's heart began racing faster. "Loving me?" he said.

"Yeah, loving you," Chris said, then, looking into Vin's stunned eyes, he knew what had been bothering his younger friend. "Is that what this is about, Vin? You thought I didn't love you?"

"It's not like you've ever told me..."

"Well, I just did then," Chris said, annoyed at Vin for needing simple words like that, and even more annoyed at himself for not realising what Vin needed.

Vin looked at Chris, kissing his cheek softly. "I love you too, cowboy." Then he got up and walked towards his horse.

Chris got up too, following Vin. "But we're still not all right, are we?" he asked.

"What?" Vin turned to look at him.

"You're still upset about something."

"I'm not upset, it's just that... You said you're not ashamed of being with me, but you'd still do just about anything to hide it from the others."

"And you think that's not a good idea?" Chris said.

"I don't know if it's a good idea or not, but I know it makes me feel like I'm just good for one thing," Vin said, caressing Peso's neck.

Chris felt a spark of anger running through him. "Don't say that, Vin. If you were only good for one thing, I wouldn't be with you. I'd have stuck to the whores like I did before you and I got together."

"Cheaper to be with me than a whore, though," Vin said. He had no time to react before he was dragged away from the horses and pushed against a nearby tree.

Chris pressed himself roughly against Vin, his hand holding his head still, making him look at him. He raised his other hand, intending to hit Vin. He managed to control himself when he saw the scared look on his younger lover's face. "Don't you ever say that again, Vin. If you do, I *will* hit you." He let go a little of his hold on Vin's head, but still pushed him against the tree. His mouth to Vin's neck, he breathed harshly, still hurt by Vin's words. "You ain't no whore, Vin," he said, his face now buried in Vin's hair, "You're my man, and I do love you."

Vin put his arms around Chris and held him close. "I love you too, Chris."

Chris held Vin just as tight, then reluctantly let go. "Let's go home before it gets dark, Vin. And next time, come talk to me instead of staying away, will you?"

Vin nodded. "I will. I'm sorry."

"S'okay."

*****

When they returned to the town they took care of their horses, then went to the saloon. Buck was still sitting by the table, now joined by Ezra and Nathan. They all nodded at each other in greeting.

"I see you found him," Buck said, noticing the now much calmer look on his old friend's face.

"Yeah," Chris said, pouring a whiskey for Vin and himself.

"Would the two of you care to partake in a game of poker?" Ezra asked, looking at the two newcomers expectantly.

"Why not?" Chris said.

"Vin?"

"I don't think so, Ezra," Vin said. "I'll help Chris if he needs it."

"That's cheating," Ezra said.

"You'll feel right at home then, Ezra," Chris said, smiling.

"Ouch, that hurt." Ezra smiled too, then began dealing the cards.

A couple of hours went by. Chris noticed that Vin had moved his chair closer and closer to him during those hours. He looked around to see if the others had noticed, but if they had, they didn't show it. He studied Vin's face for a moment, a tender smile playing on his lips. It felt right having Vin this close, even though they were among people. And as long as no one in the saloon saw them actually doing something, they wouldn't be accused of anything. Ezra's voice woke him from his thoughts.

"You're not much help to Chris anymore, are you, Vin, falling asleep on the chair like that?" Ezra laughed softly.

Vin started a little. "I'm not sleeping," he said, almost defensively.

"You do look a bit tired, Vin," Chris said, his decision made. "Why don't you go up to my room? I'll be right there."

Vin looked at the older man in surprise. Then he looked at the others. They had obviously heard Chris, but they didn't say anything, didn't seem to react much at all. But no one looked at him either. Knowing what Chris was doing, Vin nodded, got up from the chair and left the saloon.

Chris watched Vin till he was out of his sight. Then he returned his attention to the poker game, as if nothing had happened, but he knew the other guys' minds were spinning at triple speed right now. He wondered if he'd done the right thing, if he and Vin were ready for the consequences of it. It didn't matter though, because his words were too late to take back now, and they had been too obvious to misunderstand. Chris figured the next step might be letting Vin know that he worshipped him too, but he wasn't quite ready for that yet. What he'd just done had been far easier for him, and still, not easy enough. But he'd done it. It was something.

*****

End