June 5, 1995 The Tale of Woe
Its hot today, but not as hot as it was a couple of weeks ago. Today they had an end of the year party at school: they danced, and we ate sheep. I was there for a few hours, waiting to eat some meat instead of the usual fish, when I got tired of waiting because my foot was hurting (throbbing with pain, actually.) Yesterday I was doing my laundry by the river where, as I was hanging up my clothes to dry, I stepped on a thorn. Approximately a quarter inch of thorn went into my foot, though I may be underestimating. These are not the thin thorns that we have in America; they are much thicker here. I stepped onto it with such force that it broke after entering into my foot (I think it may have hit bone.) Well, my feet were wet and muddy so I was sure there was no chance of infection, (the thorn was surely sterile as well!) so I rinsed my feet off in river water and painfully walked home to clean up the wound and take an antibiotic. Oh, I forgot to mention that the thorn was stuck in my foot, and took a great deal of effort and screaming before I finally got it out. The kids at the river with me laughed hysterically though I myself didn't find any humor in it. It doesn't appear to be infected, but my entire foot is sore as if the whole thing was bruised.
Emotionally, my next story is much more painful. I do not know when everyone will read this because I'm not going to send it before Wes comes unless the problem is resolved. Many of you may find this story much too tedious, but I am going to put in all of the facts so that I may be able to find a solution for myself, or later at least I'll be able to look back at perhaps an unsolvable problem, and have a clear conscience that I did the best I could possibly do. As all of you well know, I had
 |
I awoke the next day, put all of my stuff on the porch, and began looking for a donkey cart to carry my stuff over to Darou.
Of my two friends that had said they would help me move, one was gone to Senegal and the other one's cart was broken. I asked the brothers of the one who had gone to Senegal to help me, and they went off looking for the donkey. After thirty minutes had passed, I went and asked what was going on, to which they replied, "We can't find the donkey." Plausible enough.
Meanwhile, a few car and truckloads of people started showing up in the village, an uncommon event here. It turns out a lady from the village had died in Rosso, and they were having her funeral. I briefly considered holding off on the move, but decided to anyway because not everyone was attending the funeral. I should have held off.
Instead, I went to Breun Darou in search of a cart. I found and hired a horse cart, and in two trips I had moved all of my belongings. On the trips, people asked me "Where are you going?" To which I replied I wasn't going anywhere, I was just moving to live in the center. The center, also called the "Civic Center," belonged to the best of my knowledge at that time to both villages. When the group of French came to stay there in April to open the dispensary here, both villages frequently went there for lunches, meetings and for a skit done by both villages.
Since the center belonged to both villages and the village chief had offered to let me stay there, I had considered using the money Peace Corps gives me for rent to build water filters, buy pumps, and any other work related projects over the next two years. I planned to avoid any problems with favoritism by purchasing and constructing exactly the same items for both villages. I was very happy with this plan, not only because of my new house but also with my new opportunity to do good, tangible work for the people of both villages. I realized that the people of my old village may feel a bit shunned by my moving, but was sure that any such feelings would quickly disappear as I helped them improve their lives, and as I also continued to visit, eat and play with the people of both villages.
Just as I had started to unpack my stuff, (at the new house,) the Darou village chief came over and said: "Amadou didn't say it was okay-you have to go back!" Confused and hot-it reached about 130 degrees Fahrenheit in Rosso that Day, I begged him to slow down and let me talk to Khady Fall, his niece. I told him that Amadou did say it was okay, but he kept saying "no he didn't-you have to go back!" He practically pushed me out of the door and locked it, and I frantically begged someone to find Khady for me.
Khady is very intelligent, speaks great French, is the Vice-president of the Women's Co-op for both Breun's, and has been very nice to me. (Had been!) Actually, I had eaten dinner at her house more than I had in Gouyard during the month of April. I looked forward to getting to know her family better, and also to the much shorter walks in the dark to my house after dinner.
When I had discovered that the center was available, it was she I talked to about what I had to do in order to get it. She went with me to her uncle's house, the village chief of Darou, Sayyir N'Daw, where we talked to him and he agreed to give me the house, and said I could stay there until next November when I left to go home.
Like the states, I had a lease agreement for my house in Gouyard. I had paid through mid-May, and I had the right to cancel the lease with thirty days notice. Modiagne Diagne (pronounced Mo-john john,) the village chief of Gouyard, had signed the contract with me. Actually, he put an 'x' for his signature, since he couldn't actually write. When I asked where he was so that I could let him know I was going to move, I was informed that on the eleventh of April, he had left for Mecca, in Saudi Arabia, and wouldn't return for six weeks. I certainly didn't want to wait that long, so I spoke with the owner of the house who lives in Rosso, and told him I was moving.
The village chief of Darou, Sayyir N'Daw, spoke with Amadou and gave me the choice of living with Amadou until the chief came back from Mecca, or leave. Because Amadou and I weren't exactly close, I chose to leave. They agreed to let my stuff stay in the Center until I returned. I spent one night at Pam's in Rosso, and then went to Nkc to speak to Peace Corps. I stayed there a week, talked it through with everyone, and then my program director Carla Hunt agreed to come down and talk to everyone involved, to try to straighten out the situation. She left me in Rosso in order that she could speak to the parties alone. Thought Modiagne was supposed to have arrived by then, he had not, so instead of rectifying the situation, we only determined that I still had to wait for Modiagne to arrive before I could move in. I spent that night in Rosso, and then went straight to Breun-Gouyard the next morning. It turns out Modiagne had arrived shortly after Carla left the day before. I was glad they had not spoken though-he had been away six weeks and was now a Muslim who had been to Mecca, the holy land of Islam, like Jerusalem for the Christians. The first two days were homecomings and visits. When I came back I greeted him and bestowed the usual praises on him, remarking how now he was a man who had gone to Mecca. (The Wolofs have a special term for this.) He was very friendly, so I assumed that either he didn't know I had moved, or that it was okay by him. I spent the day hanging out with everyone in Gouyard, and spoke with Amadou on the housing situation. We also resolved some of our differences, blaming many on the fact that I was the first Peace Corps Volunteer they had had, and that they didn't know how to treat me, nor I them. I felt much better after our conversation, and thought it remarkable that a trying situation such as this could help resolve old disputes. Amadou said where I lived made no difference to him, because he knew that everything I did would be with and for both villages.
As I said, I spent the day in Gouyard, ate dinner at the chief's house, and waited there until someone finally asked me to spend the night at their house. It was noisy and mosquitos bit me all night. I barely slept. At midmorning I went to Rosso, and returned early that afternoon.
When I returned to Modiagne's house, I greeted him, and he barely spoke to me. I realized then that he knew. A few minutes later, he called me into his room. I went in, and he started talking, nicely enough at first. I was afraid of where the conversation might lead, so I asked if Amadou was around to help explain and interpret for me. He wasn't. Modiagne commenced to ask me about the move I had made, and the trouble I had caused. I knew I was in trouble. One of his sons came in to interpret, and what he interpreted was this: "You can not go to Darou. You are here, with me, for two years. That is the law. You know the law, you signed the contract, and you cannot go. The (regional) Governor knows you must be here, the Prefect, the Gendarme, etc... know you must be here. You will stay here for two years. If you go to Breun Darou, you will not work with us, and we will not have anything to do with you. The village chief in Darou is a fool!" During this session, he was shaking his finger at me and yelling. What the hell had I gotten myself into!? I asked for Amadou again, and Modiagne said we don't need Amadou, he is a fool!" Again, what the hell had I gotten myself into? Finally Amadou did come in, but he could/would do little to help me. I did my best to explain about the contract, that indeed I had leased the house for that long but I had taken the thirty day option to cancel the lease. Also, I explained that I was affectated to this region, to do work in all of the Wolof villages within thirty kilometers, and that living in Darou, closer to the river, would actually help my work. He continued on his tirade of "You cannot leave, the other village chief is a fool, if I moved, this village wouldn't' have anything to do with me," and so on and so forth. Finally, I thanked them for their time, thanked Amadou for doing his best to explain me, for he now knew and spoke what it was I wanted to do. I left, very upset, for Breun-Darou to pack up my things. I didn't want to say anything, because I didn't want to further inflame the situation, but Khady Fall could tell I was upset so she pushed me to tell her what had happened. I told her what Modiagne had said, and she didn't seem too concerned, she just said that "Oh, he just doesn't want you to come over here," and the she left. I left the next morning for Nkc.
I arrived NKC and over the course of a couple of days, explained what I knew and my extreme discomfort with the situation, to both my director Carla Hunt, and to the new Country Director, Rob Hanawalt. After much discussion of the subject and some rest, they decided we should try to work it out again. I was uncomfortable with this, because I felt that we were working to appease one man, where indeed I was here to help and work with everyone. I agreed to come back to the village and try it again, only after Carla said we would explain to Modiagne that I was here for everyone, and that it really made no difference where I lived as long as I could still do my work. After much bickering by Modiagne, wen asked point blank by Carla if I could continue to work with Breun-Gouyard if I moved to Breun-Darou, he said yes. The final arrangement was that since I was placed in his village, I would move all of my stuff back here and he would try to find me another house here, while I was free to look in Darou. I was very uncomfortable with the moving back and let Modiagne handle the thing, but I agreed because I felt I had no choice.
I didn't hold up my end of the agreement. I was afraid to go back. I went to Rosso and got my moto, talked to Pam a while, went to see one of my friends, Sister Catherine, a New Zealander who works at the Catholic Mission, and finally went to the village of Dieuk, to see Sam. By then, I had just about made up my mind not to go back to Breun that night. I asked Sam if I could stay, but she said no, so I left for the Center in Breun-Darou.
When I got there, I saw Khady Fall and the village chief and explained that my director had again come down, and that I was not going to stay in the center, but I was going to look for another house in Gouyard and Darou. I forgot to mention that we had decided not to pursue the center because Modiagne had insisted it was for training, not for lodging. Sayyir N'Daw simply said that we should all three talk together the next day, myself and the two village chiefs. I spent the night in the center that night.
The next morning, I laid low until our meeting. At two p.m., Sayyir N'Daw and I went to Gouyard to speak with Modiagne. Unfortunately, it was just the three of us, so I understood little of the Wolof that was spoken. They spoke for nearly an hour, and I understood a little of what was said but not much. Amadou and some others eventually came in, and Modiagne again brought out the lease agreement I had signed to show that I had to stay there in Gouyard. I again explained that I had terminated the lease with the owner of the house since Modiagne had gone to Mecca. I didn't understand much else of the conversation, but they did explain to me that the next day, Sayyir N'Daw would bring all of my stuff back over to Gouyard. I asked about a house I had seen on the Darou side that was vacant, and through translations it was explained that Modiagne would look for a house for me in Gouyard, but he would have nothing to do with finding a house in Darou. If I wanted a house over there, it was up to me to find it.
The meeting dragged on, and everyone seemed pretty jovial. We finally left after two and a half hours or so, and I walked with Sayyir N'Daw to ask him about the house on the Darou side. He Said, "Leave it alone. Modiagne didn't say it was OK. Tomorrow I ship all your baggage back to Modiagne's." I tried to get him to explain it to me, but all he said was "Leave it alone. Modiagne said it wasn't okay!" as he shook his finger at me. We continued on to Darou, and I went directly to talk to Khady. I met her on the road, and told her that Sayyir N'Daw wouldn't let me have the house on this side, that Modiagne said it wasn't okay, and I was very confused, and didn't want to just go back to have Modiagne put me wherever he wanted me. This was not why I joined the Peace Corps. Khady went inside to speak to Sayyir N'Daw, and eventually called me in with her. She than explained to me that I was not wanted in their village, that she and Sayyir N'Daw were mad at me. Shocked, I asked why. She responded that I had lied to Modiagne, that I had told him that Sayyir N'Daw and Khady Fall had called me over to live in Darou, and for me to just leave Gouyard and its people, that Darou was going to give me a house, I didn't have to pay anything, that I was going to have a garden, that they would water it and I didn't have to do anything. All if I just left Gouyard behind.
Stunned, I told them I had never said such things, that I had always said I wanted another house, that nobody called me over to Darou, and the stuff about paying nothing and doing nothing was ridiculous. She responded that I was there at the meeting when Modiagne said this, that if I disagreed, then why hadn't I defended myself or Sayyir or Khady. They know I don't understand their Wolof, But I again reminded her of that. She remained unfazed and responded that I had lied to the village chief and hurt relations between the two villages. We talked little after that. As Khady put it, who should she believe: the stranger or the village chief Modiagne whom she was related to and looked up to all her life?
I was angry as I have been in a long, long time, stomped over to Breun-Gouyard to find someone to interpret for me to Modiagne. I found Amadou, and when I explained the situation to him he said that Modiagne had never said that I said those things. What the hell is going on? I spoke with him further and he said that I shouldn't worry about what Khady or Sayyir thought, and that if I wanted a house in Breun-Darou, I should just talk to the person responsible for it and take it. I left for the center in Breun Darou.
Before 6 a.m. the next morning, I packed up my valuables and left for Rosso. The phone place didn't open until 8:30 or so, so I waited. I explained some of my problem to Pam, who insisted I would just have to go back to Gouyard, that that would be the only thing Carla would let me do.
I made the phone and we talked briefly. Carla said she'd call me back so I waited another hour or so before we finally talked again. I briefly told her my story, and she pointed out that I hadn't held up my part of the agreement and that I would have to go back to Gouyard. Grudgingly, I went back.
We moved my stuff back, and I sat in my room, mad as hell. For me, it was no longer a question of agreements, it was that this has become a bigger mess than I was capable of fixing. That was Friday, three days ago. Since then, I had avoided virtually everyone controversial. I spoke only with two kids that were my friends. Last night, I went to speak to the proprietor of the vacant house. He wasn't home, so I decided to go back over to Khady's to speak with her. She was fairly cold to me, and eventually said that she had spoken to Modiagne, and he told her again all the crap that I had supposedly said. She told him that she had never said those things, and that if I said them, then I am a liar, and that she would say that to my face in from of Modiagne if he wished. I feebly repeated that I had never said those things, but she had nothing more to say to me, and walked off. I waited for fifteen minutes or so to see if she would come back and speak to me, but she didn't, so I left for home in Gouyard.
Today, my foot still hurts, and I'm depressed. The only thing that I feel I can possibly do now is tell Modiagne that I never said those things. I'm not sure how to say it in Wolof, I don't know who I can trust to translate, they may distort my words again, he/they may not believe me, and last but not least, even if I do fully explain it to him how do I reconcile with everyone else involved?
As of now, I have not yet spoken to him. Perhaps tomorrow. Right now, either of these villages is one of the last places on earth I want to be. To the two village chiefs, I am a liar and a backstabber. To my friend Khady Fall, I have disgraced her (she believes.) To the people of both villages, I have brought problems between them.
This has been difficult enough to explain in my native language, to those of my same culture. I don't know how I can expect to explain and reconcile with these people, translating from English to French to Wolof. I'm not sure they would understand or believe me even if they spoke perfect English.
The Peace Corps position has been: "Let's work it out." With the misunderstandings, the lies, and the undercurrent of friction between the two villages, I don't see how that is possible. Even if it were, am I going to be able to do good work with these people? Is this what I volunteered for?
While I wait for something, though I'm not sure what, I have been searching for answers to my question, what the hell is going on? I have heard from kids I trust (I think) here in Breun Gouyard that Sayyir N'Daw is just a figurative village chief, but in actuality Modiagne is the chief of both villages. I was told that he handles all money transactions for both villages, and that he also represents them both when dealing with the government and foreigners giving aid. I believe this to be true. I have also discovered that the center in Breun Darou, which Modiagne said was for training and not for lodging, has not been used as such since the conflict with Senegal in 1989. It was occupied by Gendarme who commandeered it for several years as they watched the river to shoot anyone who tried to cross. There is a president of the center who lives in Darou, who I am told by his friends that he would have liked for me to live in the center.
In truth, I must say I cannot go on here. This has been a very frustrating, educational experience. The times when I thought I was justified in wanting to change sites, the Peace Corps staff has pushed me to stay, stick it out. At times, I felt glad that they pushed me to do this. I thought to myself, "Hey, they're right. You gain nothing by quitting now, just think how good you'll feel when this thing works out." In the things I really want, I have never been a quitter. I don't feel that I am a quitter now, I just feel that the situation has gone beyond my ability to control it. I have no adult Wolof allies in either village who will stand up for me. Most seem to fear/respect? Modiagne. The others choose to believe him over me. If I was in their shoes, I would find it difficult as well to defend a stranger to the chief of my village. However, without any defense or understanding, I find it impractical to stay here. Without respect, I feel that any accomplishments here will be few and far between.
As far as the Peace Corps goals are concerned, I have definitely accomplished one of them: I have learned much. However, I do not feel that the lessons I have learned can be applied in this situation. I have not yet accomplished the other two Peace Corps goals: to teach them of our culture, and to provide technical assistance. If I am forced to leave or stay here in this village, I will regret that I have been unable to truly teach of our culture or provide assistance. However, my time is important to me. There are those her in this country and also back in the states who can use and want my help. I want to spend my time wisely and productively, not spend it struggling to regain or gain respect in a culture I cannot understand when I cannot learn to communicate effectively without the help of those that mistrust me.
New for 6/99:
New PCVs
The Return
Plus other site enhancements
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |