Where's the fun in that?

In the last couple of month I have spent well over £100 on games. I haven't bought the majority of these games because I was overly interested in their specific genre, or what they looked to be like. When I have received these games I haven't begun playing them and tried to just enjoy them for what they are, I've put all my efforts into finishing the game quickly or cranked up the difficulty so as to improve my skills. The games I have bought have all been quality games, but I haven't enjoyed them, to be brutally honest. That is because I haven't wanted to.

I've been gaming for quite a good number of years now, experienced three 'console wars', benefiting from them greatly, watched as the second games company I ever knew of cease production of hardware, hardware which I had loved for almost as many years as I have gamed, and now, although many would call this the highest point of gaming history in many years, if not ever, have become bored.

I still love games, they're still a major part of my life, but I find it hard to enjoy them like I did in the days of Ocarina of Time and Mario Kart. I'm more involved in games today than I have ever been, I write about them, I enjoy large multiplayer experiences, and I spend an ever increasing amount of money on them. Yet I still don't find they capture my imagination.

Perhaps this is because I have tried far too hard to be seen as hardcore, elite, basically better than others. Sure I spend much more time than the average gamer discussing games, playing them, and thinking about my next purchase. But I don't enjoy it more than the despised 'casual gamer'.

Pro Evolution Soccer 3 arrived on my doormat a few weeks back. I have never extensively played either of the originals, and had bought this version on a mix of reputation in forums and of course, reviews. I blew the dust off my PS2, which, being associated with casual gaming I have ignored for dozens of lacklustre days full of replaying X-Box titles, instead of even bothering to try a PS2 game, and put the disc in. Immediately I thought to myself - graphics. One of the traits I have picked up from my time as a gamer is to ignore graphics, but I couldn't help it. The miniaturized players with their odd names, and the pitch they were standing on appalled me. However I made the effort. Starting up an exhibition match between England (naturally) and, after looking through, the hardest team available. I then pushed the difficulty to 3 stars, increasing it to 4 a match later. After several matches of miserable defeat I agreed with many of the opinions on various gaming forums. The game was very solid, and enjoyable, well, enjoyable if I had wanted to enjoy it. Eventually I scored and a slight wave of satisfaction broke through me, but I still sat there without even attempting to experience any hint of fun. The match finished 1 - 0 and I felt that I had made an achievement. I turned the console off and returned to my desk, to praise it on several forums. I did not take the game out again for several nights.

I long for the days where I would get one epic game every couple of months, instead of being barraged with shorter titles every week. I'd even prefer to be (there it is again) a casual gamer, and to be oblivious to scores in magazines or opinions on forums, and to squeeze the gameplay out of a title. But I'm too far gone for that now.

My life's schedule doesn't help matters much. I only ever have brief bursts of hours to play a game for, rarely the mammoth stretches I enjoyed Zelda, Mario and Final Fantasy in. However I know this situation is my fault. I have pressurized myself into agreeing with acclaimed reviews of games, and into buying titles I have little or no interest in. I need a new attitude, and I have a feeling the best way to make this possible will be over exposure to games.

Come November 14th, and the arrival of Mario Kart: Double Dash!! I will let my poor bank balance have a rest, until the Christmas shopping at least. I may help myself to Viewtiful Joe, but I will not continue to buy games for the sake of buying games, or for their high scoring reviews. I spend more time planning which games to buy then playing them. Over the next couple of months I'm going to play games, for fun, not for anything else. And this time, I'm going to enjoy them.

Pete Millwood