Who really is Santa? As they say, the story goes back hundreds of years. Indeed, "santa" was a bum. He went into unsuspecting people's houses late at night to steal from them. Being a clever man, he had a well thought out story that he would tell in case he ever got caught.

As luck would have it, one night old "santa" was drunk off his rocker, stumbled into a house, stepped on the owner's kitty, who sleeps at the doorway. Of course little kitty wasn't too thrilled and let out a yowl that scared old santa and woke up the neighborhood. "SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!", santa screamed at the kitty.

Meanwhile Pa and Ma come running out to greet santa with a shotgun. Being scared out of his wits, he begins to tell his clever story of Santa Claus. When asked about his sooty clothes, he claims it was from coming down the chimney. In reality, it was because he was so drunk, he could barely stand and fell many times, in turn getting all dirty. His cherry nose and rosy cheeks come from the whiskey he had been guzzling all night long. When asked about the sack, he simply explained that he was granting wishes and giving in christmas cheer.

Now, Ma and Pa not being the most intelligent people, beleive his story. Ma and Pa had been wishing for the silver dinner set just like neighbor Joe Bob's family had. Magically, santa pulls it out of his sack and gives it to them. Over come by joy, they accept santa's gift and put away the shotgun. Realizing that he has the folk hooked on his story, he must quickly leave before they figure him out. And since he said he came down the chimney, he has to go up it.

He puts his finger on the side of his nose, barrels ass towards the chimney, and hurls himself up it as far as he can go. Being stuck, he starts yelling obscenities. Slurring the words terribly, Ma and Pa think he is yelling names. Just as Ma and Pa look out the window, a reindeer is running into the woods. And there you have it. Ma and Pa spread the story, and there we have the story of Santa Claus.