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Q. I'm 29, and I've never had an orgasm. Is there something wrong with me? What should I do?
A: More women than you'd think share your frustrating problem. I believe it's because they're under the false impression that if they simply rub a certain spot a few times, the orgasm genie will appear. But for many women it's not that easy! It takes practice — just like any other skill in life — and a little know-how. I'm here to help.
The best way to teach yourself to climax is to masturbate. Solo exploration will allow you to learn your body's responses so that when you're with a partner, you can show him exactly what turns you on; after all, every woman is different. You have to find what does it for you.
The first step is to get yourself horny. One of the main reasons women don't reach orgasm is because they don't let themselves get adequately aroused — or their partners don't spend the time to do it. Watching an adult video, reading a juicy novel, or conjuring up a fantasy will get your sexy thoughts flowing. No fantasy is forbidden, whether you see yourself being taken by an entire ski team or on a tropical island as a sex slave to the natives. Then slowly start to stroke your breasts and nipples, thighs, or whichever spots make you feel sexy. Let some tension build up before you work your way down to your clitoris, stroking it gently. The clitoris is the key to climax — experiment with different pressures and rhythms until you find one that makes you tingle. Using a lubricant (like KY jelly or Astroglide) can greatly enhance the sensation. As your arousal heightens, you'll probably want to increase the pressure and speed against your clitoris. Again, this differs from woman to woman. You may not be able to climax unless you have direct, intense pressure or vibration, or you may find that lightly touching yourself does the trick. Using a vibrator can be an effective way of stimulating yourself; you can also use it externally or internally while stroking your clitoris with the other hand.
Be patient; it takes time to get your body and mind in sync and aroused enough to bring on an orgasm. If after a number of attempts you still have trouble, make an appointment with a gynecologist and ask her to check to make sure you don't have any medical problems that could be hindering your ability to climax. She can either treat you, if it's a physical condition, or refer you to a licensed sex therapist if it's psychological. You can also find a sex therapist by going to the Web site of the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists.
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