| |
 |
Q: Six months ago, my boyfriend confessed that he had cheated on me. It's taken me a long time, but I've forgiven him. Now he constantly thinks I'm cheating on him! I want a future with him, but these trust issues we have are killing the relationship. Is there any hope for us?
A: Infidelity causes serious — and yet subtle — stress on a relationship long after the fact. While you say you've completely forgiven him, ask yourself again if that's true: Do you get angry if he talks to other women, or stays late at work one night? That may mean you're subconsciously holding his past against him. And even if you have totally let bygones be bygones, your beau may not yet be able to forgive himself. So why does he suspect you of cheating? Perhaps because deep down he wishes you would cheat, which would even the score and alleviate the guilt he still feels about what he's done.
As you well know, healthy relationships can't survive when partners keep each other under surveillance, which makes it imperative that you clear the air with a discussion. For starters, ask him why he suspects you're fooling around. True cheaters rarely want to talk about their transgression, so initiating the conversation will show him that you have nothing to hide. Then, to assuage his guilt, reassure him that in spite of your reservations, you're with him because you believe that he can remain true. Hearing that you've cleaned the slate may be just what he needs to exorcise the paranoid voices in his head whispering that you're out to enact your revenge with another guy. Time, of course, is the only thing that will really heal both your wounds, so don't despair if it doesn't happen overnight.
|
|
