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Q: My boyfriend can't orgasm when he's with me, but he can when he masturbates. No matter how hard I try to please him, he says it feels good but doesn't take him over the edge. What can I do?
A: A couple of things may be holding your guy back from climaxing in your company. For starters, he may be overstimulating himself during his solo trips. Studies show that men who use lots of pressure and friction while masturbating often have trouble replicating that same intense sensation when engaged in intercourse. Other possible reasons he can't let loose during sex is he may get distracted or suffer from performance anxiety — neither of which is a problem when he's alone.
One sex position that may alleviate these problems is doggy-style, since it facilitates deep penetration and easy thrusting. If he needs major amounts of stimulation, this may give him what he needs for sendoff. Plus, with rear entry you two won't be face-to-face, which may be distracting him and fueling his anxiety. By avoiding eye contact, you may give him the modicum of privacy he needs to focus on his grand finale.
Another way to ease him into having coital climaxes is to ask him to masturbate in front of you, since this will get him accustomed to letting loose when you're around. To soothe any self-consciousness he might feel, tell him how much it turns you on to watch, and even help him reach his pleasure peak by kissing him or stroking his testicles. The more involved you can be in getting him off, the more comfortable he'll be achieving orgasm in other ways around you.
My older guy is not as committed as I am
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