Q: A guy I'm dating has this hard/soft problem: He gets an erection, but it comes and goes. Is there anything I can do to help him keep it up throughout the event? 


A: Now-you-see-it, now-you-don't erections can result from a variety of causes. If you two always get it on after a long night on a bar crawl, the booze (or cigarettes, if he smokes) may be preventing his ambassador from rising to the occasion. That's because both substances constrict the arteries and stem blood flow to the penis. 
Condoms are the next suspect since they also interrupt the spontaneity of your sexual encounter. Combat this fade-out by distracting him from the intermission. One way to seamlessly ease into sex is to put the condom on with your mouth: As you're giving him oral sex, secretly rip open the package and quickly place the prophylactic between your lips with the reservoir tip facing back toward your throat. Then place the rubber over the tip of his penis and start inching the sides downward with your lips. If your guy would rather jacket up himself, keep the ball rolling by talking dirty. Say, "Get that thing on fast because I want you so bad!" or "You won't believe what I'm going to do to you once you get that on." He'll be so busy listening to you that he won't mind the slight interruption. 

Another possible cause of his seesawing soldier may be a bad case of performance anxiety. So don't make it worse by trying repeatedly to get him hard enough to penetrate you. Instead let him satisfy you manually or orally. Once he's convinced you're having a good time, his confidence — and his hard-on — will most likely return.

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