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Q: My guy occasionally brings up the issue of anal sex, but I'm not comfortable with the idea. Part of the reason I'm wary is that I'm afraid it will hurt . . . A LOT. If I agree to try it, what's the best way to keep it from being a painful experience?
A: One of the commandments of sex is that couples should agree to disagree — so before you start figuring out how to keep from suffering too much during your anal encounter, decide whether the idea is even up your erotic alley. Many women never have anal sex, so don't feel compelled to yield to your boyfriend's sexual agenda unless his erotic plans comply with your own tastes. If you decide against it, try to lure him into a different forbidden activity — chances are his obsession with anal sex comes from the fact that it's taboo. Scratch that itch by trying something else that's equally naughty, like light bondage, saucy role playing, or sex in the great outdoors.
However, if you decide that anal sex does pique your curiosity, here's how you can make it a pleasurable experience: For starters, get some lubrication, like KY Jelly. This should solve a large part of the "pain" problem you've been hearing about by cutting down on friction. And once you're in bed with your guy, have him warm you up to the idea by inserting a few well-lubed fingers in your backdoor. This area is filled with nerve receptors, so it should feel pretty good as long as he goes slowly. At first, your rectal muscles may feel tight due to nervousness. But the more anal foreplay he gives you, the more they'll relax. However, don't insert a vibrator or other object, which can get lost this way (unlike in your vagina).
Once you feel ready to receive him, apply generous lubrication to his penis. To continue calling the shots, avoid positions where he has control of thrusting duties — like missionary or doggy-style — and instead hop on top. Another rule of the rear is never to let your boyfriend go from your anus to your vagina, or if you use condoms, be sure that he takes the first one off and rubbers-up again. Stick with these rules and you'll avoid infection and keep your first up-the-bum experience a positive one.
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