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Q: My boyfriend and I have been seeing each other for a year. Everything is great, or it would be if I could stop obsessing over it. I guess I want everything to be perfect. I think about him constantly and get annoyed if he doesn't call on time, or if he gets home a few minutes late. I truly love him and am afraid I'll ruin things by being so intense. Please give me some good advice on how to loosen up and enjoy our love.
A: Here's the ulimate motivation to relax about your relationship: If you don't, you might lose your man. I'd bet my favorite cashmere sweater that back when he fell in love with you, you weren't overanalyzing him or picking fights over trivial things, and he wants you to remain the happy woman he knew then. Acting like a prison warden over when he comes home and what time he calls is an especially deadly move. When a woman tries to rule a man's schedule and restrict his movements, he feels smothered and trapped. The surest way to lose a guy is to make him feel as if he's lost his freedom.
You need to redirect the energy you spend agonizing over when your boyfriend will call into getting busy yourself. That way, even if you can't stop obsessing over him, you'll at least look as if you have other interests! Learn to cook Thai food and prepare some scrumptious meals for the two of you. Scour the shops looking for discounted designer lingerie so you'll always look lovely when you strip for him. Sign up for a class in French, Italian or Spanish so you'll be prepared for any future trips to Paris, Venice or Madrid — where you'll wow him with your speaking skills. Hopefully you'll develop some new interests from all these activities, so your life will no longer be 100 percent about him.
Another way to cope with your fixation: Write down everything you're feeling in a journal. When I was first dating my former husband and my love anxieties threatened to hurt our relationship, I'd write down everything that flooded through my mind. It allowed me to keep my cool when I was with him. This will help you get perspective and release some of your anxiety, while letting you think about your favorite subject — him!
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