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Q: My boyfriend comes too soon (sex takes 10 minutes, tops, occasionally 15 if he's been drinking). Of course, I can't climax that quickly, and I'm getting bored with such short sessions. My friends are always talking about doing it all night, and I'm jealous. He is ashamed and doesn't know what to do. I hate knowing that every time we have sex he is thinking about green fungus or baseball stats to keep from having an orgasm that quickly (he's told me he does this) and sometimes I fake it just to make him feel good. What can we do? Everything else in our relationship is great.
A: Here's the secret: Your friends can do it all night because they're skilled at the art of repeat rounds. Don't let them fool you. Their boyfriends don't carry on a nightlong sexual marathon and then at dawn come screeching to a halt with one monster orgasm. Instead, your friends engage in furious foreplay in between intervals of intercourse; they keep the heat smoldering for hours.
Many guys get too excited during the first round of intercourse and have trouble maintaining control. Since it's frustrating for both of you when he struggles to hold back only to finish before you're satisfied, tell him not to prolong the first time around. Just let him climax without worrying about whether you will (guiltlessly), then try for round two. The second time his sensitivity will be diminished and he'll have more control — enough, I'd suspect — to hold back long enough to satisfy you.
For guys in their 20s, the refractory period (the time it takes before they can get another erection) is between 10 and 20 minutes. So hold off on touching him directly on his penis for at least 10 minutes after his first climax, then use your hands, mouth or your voice (by telling him how badly you want to do it again) to get him hard. (For more info on how to rev him up for round two, check out "Extend Your Ecstasy" from the June 2000 issue of Cosmo.)
If he's still too fast on your second romp, then try reigning him in by breaking his rhythm. When he gets close to climax, break out of the position you're in and glide into another one. The stop and start will keep him from coming. As you switch positions say, "Can we try it this way? I want to make this last." He won't be angry that you stopped him from having an orgasm, he'll be excited by your enthusiasm for different positions.
Another way to get your sexual time tables more in sync: Slow the process at the very outset by extending foreplay so that you're as hot as he is by the time you actually have intercourse. Coax your boyfriend to do all the things that bring you to the brink. Tell him directly that you need a little time to heat up and you'd like him to fondle your breasts or kiss you below. When you're ready, signal to him that the time is right to enter you, by gently pulling him back up into body-to-body contact.
Good sex is like a long holiday meal with many courses and conversation and breaks in between. There's the appetizer, that's foreplay. Then maybe a salad or shellfish course followed by the main course — these are the two sessions of intercourse with playtime in between. Finally comes dessert, which for some could mean a slow and sweet "one more time" or for others some delicious afterplay, like administering a gentle massage or just lying together in a cozy spoon embrace.
Your mission is to master some turn-on techniques, and you, too, can extend your sex sessions into the wee hours. And the next day you can tell your friends you just had a feast that lasted all night long.
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