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Q. When my boyfriend and I have sex, he climaxes almost immediately. You've heard of the one-minute man? Try 30 seconds! Is there any way I can get him to last longer?
A: Your boyfriend's sprint to the finish line is frustrating, but most likely it can be fixed. Chances are he's just been poorly trained. Men who are speedy ejaculators often pick up the habit when they begin masturbating as teenagers. No guy wants to be caught with his pants down by his mother, so the faster he can accomplish his goal, the better. Even as an adult, during solo sex, there's not much reason for him to delay orgasm. If your boyfriend hasn't had a lot of sex before you, chances are he never forced his body to accommodate a slower sexual speed. Or, maybe he is sexually experienced but his former lovers didn't complain. Regardless, it's time to put the man through an endurance-training course. Think of it as bedroom boot camp, and you're the drill sergeant. Okay, that's a little extreme, but you do need to instigate some stamina-increasing exercises in the sack.
The first technique to try, frequently recommended by sex therapists, is the stop-and-start method. Here's how it works: Tell your boyfriend next time he's about to orgasm to stop thrusting until his peaking arousal subsides. (You have to stop moving too.) He may even need to pull out completely. Then start back up again as usual. He may have to do this several times throughout intercourse. It may be annoying to stop and start constantly, but most men are able to increase their endurance time after 5-10 sessions of this. Eventually he'll learn control, he'll be able to go without stopping, and will last much longer. In the meantime, ask him to bring you to orgasm orally or manually.
Another way to slow down his sexual speed is to experiment with new positions such as you on top or side-by-side. These positions will prevent him from thrusting as deeply and are more conducive to rocking back and forth rather than traditional in-and-out movements, which will cut down on the friction on his penis, allowing him to last longer.
If you try all these tips and your boyfriend is still quick to come, suggest that he see a sex therapist, who will help him deal with the deeper anxieties that could be causing his problem.
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