Secession? Three scholarly books published or announced within months – Secession, State & Liberty, David Gordon (Editor), Transaction Publishers, April 1998; Theories of Secession, Percy B. Lehning, Routledge, June 1998; National Self-Determination and Secession, Margaret Moore, Oxford University Press, October 1998 – join a list of publications that followed the 1990 PBS broadcast of Mr. Ken Burns’ documentary, "The Civil War," re-examining the causes, history and not always peaceful process of "political divorce." Such a bloom of interest in secession, some authors’ vigor approaching advocacy, hasn’t been seen in these United States since 1861. The word "independence" doesn’t appear prominently in our increasingly Federally-regulated State of Michigan’s political discourse, but let’s review our options while we still have any:

A Republic of Michigan, some 10,000,000 citizens on 56,000 sq. miles, already enjoying friendly relations with a foreign country, Canada, with which it shares international waters and thus access to world trade via shipping, as well as utilizing a post-Civil War innovation, commercial aviation, would be handily divisible into five sovereign states whose names are self-evident and four of whose boundaries could either approximate present highway routes or avail themselves of the State’s original quadripartite survey whose point of origin is near Meridian and Base Line (8 Mile Road) Roads, north of City of Jackson: Wayne, Kellogg, Huron, and Manistee, with Michigan’s Upper Peninsula attaining statehood as Superior.

The four states of the Republic’s Lower Peninsula could, alternately, be approximately divided by the routes 69-96 and 27-127, with actual boundaries falling on existing county lines, division more in accord with Michigan’s economy, and that places residents of Wayne and Oakland Counties, united as they already are in mutual loathing, together in State of Wayne. And that University downtown can keep its name.

Such improved polity would put Michiganians [Is "Michiganders" just a piece of mishegas? - Ed.] much closer to their elected national representatives, as compared to a present out-of-sight out-of-mind tax-and-spend-and-tax Washington, DC remoteness. And because Mr. Geoffrey Fieger’s chances of ever becoming a state governor would improve by 400%, I believe he, for one, will have no problem sharing this vision of Michigan taking a place among nations of the world.

The Michigan Militia would be legitimized by induction into the Republic of Michigan's national defense forces. Although Militiamen’s present physical prowess suggests the command "drop and give me 20" would be capital punishment, as professional soldiers they’d rise to the occasion and get fit. And think about all that free ammunition. After Ohio, Indiana, Illinois and Wisconsin fall to the New World Order, our camo-clad Wolverines will provide front-line defense against totalitarian Buckeyes. Talk about "the big game."

Michiganians do seem to enjoy paying taxes, so perhaps it’s not realistic to anticipate Republic of Michigan’s Constitution prohibiting income taxes. But increasing returnable-deposits to $1 per container would enhance the "off the books" income that more than a few resourceful citizens already enjoy.

Michiganians may wonder how an American President of W. J. Clinton’s less-than-Lincolnian stature would respond to one of his United States asserting independence?

I rest my case.

Clint Williams

Forensic veterinarian Clint Williams is the author of Serial Killer Pet: The Hunt for Muffy Mousebreath.