TOTP:  In the new corner...the challengers...D-SIDE!
Sparx:  [Thinks] Umm, yeah. We've met the guys, and they're really nice, we know them quite well now, but they're all quite small...
TOTP:  Would you end up chucking the little fellas out of the ring?
Sparx:  We'd probably not go that far, we couldn't be that horrible. Like I say, we've met them and they're really nice guys, but we're bigger than them. Believe you me, we'd have 'em.

TOTP:  In the old corner...last year's brightest hope...ONE TRUE VOICE!
Sparx:  That's a tough one, because a couple of them - and we've met them and got on with them as well - a couple of them look as though they could handle themselves. That'd be a good little battle, but I've got to be confident and say yes, we'd win that one as well. Some of them are quite young, aren't they? [Evil cackle]

TOTP:  In the green corner...the five-headed wonder from the Emerald Isle (and they bring their own stools)...WESTLIFE!
Sparx:  [Visibly shaken] No, definitely not. Because Bryan's a monster. Bryan would just sit on all of us.

TOTP:  In the navy corner...it's the ladies' choice...BLUE AND DANIEL BEDINGFIELD!
Sparx:  Oooh [thinks] I dunno, 'cos Daniel's a bit of a monster too, isn't he? That's a good one. I can't call that one, I really can't. I think that would have to be the referee's decision.

TOTP:  In the grrr corner...two plucky, mucky lads from Manchester and their muso mates...OASIS!
Sparx:  I'm gonna stick my neck out and say yes. It's only bloody Liam that's got anything about him, and even that's only his mouth. I think his bark's a lot worse than his bite. And he's got dodgy teeth, hasn't he? You'd just have to give 'em a flick and they'd fall out. Noel's only a little chap, and he seems like a nice chap as well, so I don't think he'd be one for a boxing match.

TOTP:  In the lairy ladies corner...lock up your Bacardi breezers...it's GIRLS ALOUD!
Sparx:  Definitely not. They're too tough. They are too cool for school. They'd whip our arse, I think.

TOTP: In the "Help, mummy!" corner...the invading garage army of...SO SOLID CREW!
Sparx:  No, I think because of sheer volume of people in the group, I'd have to say not. They'd probably have us.

TOTP:  In the diamond and gold encrusted corner...the celebrity team-up of the century...MICHAEL JACKSON, STEVIE WONDER, JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE, PRINCE AND USHER!
Sparx:  [Overwhelmed laughter] Oh, what?
TOTP:  Remember, this is nothing to do with how you feel about them as artists, this is purely a fight situation...
Sparx:  Y'see, deep down, I think Michael Jackson is a bad mamma-jamma, if you know what I mean. I think that other stuff is all a front and in real life he's a like a gangster rapper and all that. Underneath the baby-dangling weirdness of him there's a deep inner lining of something sinister. I don't really trust him and he's got huge hands as well. I think he'd probably batter all of us. I think no-one would go near Stevie because he's Stevie Wonder. It's a bit unfair as well because he can't see. Justin Timberlake would probably dance his way around us and out of the ring. Prince would probably kill us with his falsetto. He'd probably just scream and deafen us all and we'd all fall on the floor. Who was the other one?
TOTP:  Usher...
Sparx:  He seems like a beefy kid, so he'd probably have us as well. I think we'd probably lose that one, yeah...

TOTP:  Well, that leaves you in the middle ranks, unable to best Westlife but head and shoulders about D-Side. We pronounce 888 to be pop middleweights.
Sparx:  [Shrugs, despite his obvious delight] That's an alright place to be...