Me Vs. Censorship

Also known as how I proved Sex and Violence are suitable for young children.

One fine summers evening, I sat bludgeoning a zombie with a Bowie knife in Resident Evil: Code Veronica and I pondered, does this type of “realistic” violence impact me more than I think? Then some fucking zombie fucker fucking killed me and I kicked a god damn fucking hole in the wall. Then I went on to destroy my T.V., Dreamcast, and any random inanimate objects that were within my reach. After the blinding rage left my body, and the murderous tendencies subsided, I watched Bloodsport. On another T.V.

Later that night, with erect penis in hand, (too graphic? Hopefully.) watching a true cinematic classic, Teen Dykes 5: Pussymatic Pleasure Machine, I wondered if this type of raw graphic sex did in fact objectify women, putting them in a degrading situation, causing me to see them as my personal toys for my dirtiest lingering desires. Then, during a 3 way lesbian tongue action scene, I seriously questioned what these girls mothers must think. Then I ejaculated onto my “special” towel. If that wasn’t bad enough, my parents walked into my room to give me my new Bible, with my name in golden fonts right on the cover. I attempted to explain that I was watching a documentary on the inner workings of a bordello, but I don’t think they believed me.

My curiosity eventually got the better of me, and I wanted to prove the several scientific studies wrong that being exposed to raunch sex and violence at a young age doesn’t necessarily mean it will have a negative impact. But for that, I needed a guinea pig of sorts. Apparently, cruising around playgrounds asking little kids to get into my van isn’t the way to go. So I attempted to bribe them with candy, money and toys, but that just made matters worse. So instead I settled for a relation, that being my 3 year old nephew. Seeing as the most violent programming he’s watched was Teletubbies, he seemed the perfect subject. I renamed him Bright Eyes, and not just so I could sneak in a cheap Planet of the Apes reference, and got to work.

Not a cheap Planet of the Apes Reference

For the first test, I took Bright Eyes to the park. Then I picked out a random stranger, kicked him in the spine, and began to curbstomp him. After that was finished, I kicked him in the abdomen a few times, and stepped on his neck. Turning to see how the subject reacted, I was disappointed in the fact he had gone off and was playing in the sandbox. But this failure was not enough to stop my mad pursuit for the truth. I walked him home, and sat him still for my favourite film, Japanese Lolitas Gangbang Party 3: The Analing. As the tagline says, “Is good sex man woman bang gang way, feature Anal, Honourable Beaver Feasting, Shameful Job of Blowing.” After a half hour in, he got bored and went to play legos. So, according to my divine research, sex and violence have NO effect on minors. SO FUCKING BLOW ME YOU SCIENTIST WHORES! CHOKE ON MY FUCKING COCK! On an unrelated note, I was arrested for the corruption of a minor.

-Seru40

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