Dueling Banjos:  
Soundtrack to Deliverance
Good ole' fashion inbred fun!

It appears that the cranky ole' Sheriff is on to me and the gang, again.  Them boys had it coming, getting drunk and talking trash about Lil' Susie, and that one boy trying to take advantage of her.  So we heckled their gig the following night, dumping buckets of sheep-blood from the slaughterhouse all over them.  How were we to know that one of them was the Sheriff's nephew.  Now the chase is on.  Luckily, I brought with me some good, Appalachian banjo music.


Adventures in Anal Rape

Dueling Banjos, the music to the film "Deliverance," is a great assortment of inbred, wife-beating madness.  It makes you want to pick up the old cider jug and get the band back together.  Now, musically, this is some intricate banjo playing.  Maybe the best, ever.  Single banjos sing in multiple voices, as multiple banjos dance with each other is combative harmony.  The title song, "Dueling Banjos" is worth the album's price.  Such great songs as "Rueben's Train"  and "Fire on the Mountain" use a fiddle to invoke movement and beauty.  "Mountain Dew's" fast pace and amazing banjo movements are enough to get that heart a fluttering.  And "Little Maggie" makes you want to fuck your first cousin, and possibly your sister as well.

Yes, this is high quality white trash craftsmanship, and compliments your '74 Dodge or Chevy, with or without the painted confederate flag option.  Pop this sucker in, and any roadtrip magically transforms into an exciting chase straight from The Dukes of Hazard.  Not to mention invoke the sexy-fun images of a rotund Ned Beatty being rapped by toothless, dirty, smelly, horny lice-filled hicks.     


Burt Reynolds is one bad-ass mo fo'


"I sure think yer perdy, sir.  SQUEAL!"

So, I recommend this album to anyone who just needs a good car chase now and then.  And, since this review ends a bit short, I thought it would nice to go out with a little poem  I heard:

One bright day, in the middle of the night,
Two dead boys got up to fight.
Back to back, they faced each another.
With two drawn swords, they shot each other.
A deaf policeman heard the noise,
Came and killed those two dead boys.
If you don't believe this lie that's true,
Go ask that blind man, he saw it too.

Thank you, enjoy your day, and I hope everyone has a happy ending, just like the Duke boys over in that town of Hazard.

-Ace Kendo

Ace hopes everyone is okay, and that all our readers are dealing well with the current crisis.  Ace wants to continue to provide smiles and give good advice to all our readers, so if you have anything you would like to recommend Ace review, send him an e-mail.  Or e-mail any other member of staff with a movie, music, videogames, or anything else you'd like to see be reviewed.

If we feel like it, which we won't, we'll listen to your recommendations.  But they are probably for shitty things, anyway.  So fuck you.  Ace was just trying to be nice, and now you are getting all touchy.  Go eat your own shit and choke a cock!