U.S.A=Gay


Introduction: G'day, mates. I am Fabio. I am not from America. Therefore, I hate Americans. Everything you morons say and do sickens me to the point of suicide. There is very little that I like about your stinkin' country, and you couldn't pay me enough money to consider living there. So it is my pleasure, nay, my DUTY as a proud Australian, to tell you exactly what is wrong with the decaying pile of trash known as the good ol' US of A, in the hope that you people will smarten up and become more like us. Yeah, fuck you too. Let the lesson begin.


LESSON 1: SPORT

God, I don't even know where to begin. American sport, if you can call it sport, is an utter disgrace to the good name of genuine sport around the world. As a proud Aussie (read: extremely bored foreigner), I will now detail EACH AND EVERY little thing that is wrong with your so-called "national pastimes". Good God, this is gonna take forever.


Baseball

Now as a whole, I don't mind baseball. As a matter of fact, I actually watched the last World Series between the Yankees and the Mets. But one thing occurred to me, and that brings me to my first point:

*World Series??? What the fuck is that name supposed to mean? The inclusion of the word 'World' should suggest that teams from all over the globe compete in the same sport for the ultimate prize. The championship of the ENTIRE WORLD. But nooooo…. all I saw was two teams from the state of New York playing for a trophy that didn't mean shit to the rest of the world. What right does America have calling it the "World Series" with the knowledge that no-one else in the world would be competing. To me, this says that Americans would prefer to stroke their own egos and play naked Twister and hand a world title to one of its states, than to extend an invitation to teams all over the world to see who the true world champions REALLY are. Now that, my friends, is typical American bullshit. I hate you all.

*The use of illegal drugs. Now, I may be horribly misinformed, but it has been said that the use of some illegal substances, are perfectly legal in the world of baseball. Now, while this may not surprise me coming from America, I was forced to give anal sex to my neighbour's chicken to make sense of the whole issue. Well, not really, but it was kinda fun....*ahem* Where was I? Oh yes...Baseball may not be as fucked as your other sports, but it comes damn close. So there.


Basketball



Once again, it's not the game I have a problem with per se, but the people playing it.

*The people, or should I say ego-maniacs, that play this game at the top level in America can be described as nothing less than pathetic, attention seeking, pig-headed arseholes who barely earn any of what they get paid. These so-called "showmen" resort to trash-talking and antics that would get them suspended or sent off in any other sport. But no, this is America we're talking about. The country where attention-seeking, pig-headed, trash-talking people are revered, instead of hated. Yankee idiots. Do you have ANY idea how the rest of the world thinks of you? Yeah, I'm talkin' to you, fatty….Anyway, I digress. These people earn millions upon millions of dollars to walk out on a court and act in said manner, and throw a ball through a hoop. Granted, some of these players have skill, but this fact is greatly overshadowed by the fact that most of them look like bald, black baboons with a ball in their hands. Funnily enough, baboons would be considered to be more intelligent than most NBA players.


Boxing

Of all the sports in the world, you'd think that America couldn't fuck this one up, could they? I mean, what could be simpler than getting in a ring, and hitting the other guy until a) he can't get back up or can't defend himself, or b) the judges call him the winner. But no, America still managed to strip the sport of at least some of its dignity.

*Pre-match press conferences/weigh-ins. Come on, is it necessary to berate your opponent to the point that he wants to belt you before the fight? After all people don't like show-boaters and arrogant muscle-heads… Oh wait, what am I saying? YOU ARE AMERICANS! YOU ARE PROGRAMMED TO FUCKING LIKE THAT SHIT! FUCK YOU, LITTLE LEPRECHAUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!....Yeah.

*Mike Tyson. Yep.



American "Football" (Seru's note: European Football is gay)



Why do you use quotation marks around "football", O wise Fabio? I'll tell you why, you drunken bastard (read: Yogurtman). Because it isn't real football. How many times in the game does the ball ACTUALLY come in contact with someone's foot? No, it's a hypothetical question……no, it means you DON'T answer it…..OK, OK, shut up. (Seru's note: On kickoffs, extra points, and punts, numbnuts.>

*Padding. Jesus.H-Fucking-Christ, is it humanly possible to wear more padding than these guys? I mean, a lot of you Yanks are "generously padded" as it is, but this is too much. Why do you need helmets? At all? Damn, there are more helmets on my screen than that porno that Yogurtman was last in. Needless to say, I still enjoyed the porno more than this game you call football.

*Skill level. Honestly, you can't tell me that playing this game requires any sort of physical ability. Most players can't tackle for shit. As a matter of fact, all they can do is throw and run. Pretty pathetic for "the most powerful country in the world".

In conclusion to Lesson 1, all Americans should boycott their own crappy sports, and indulge in the true world sports, such as soccer, rugby union, and cricket. Or you can just sit on your ass and do nothing. Either way, I still hate you all.

-Fabio69


*Seru's Final Notes

Hoho, wasn't that amusing? Now before you send me hate mail for putting up such hilarity (I thought so) I just want to comment on a few things. While I agree about Baseball(snooze) and the NBA (I have a friend who jokingly calls it African Handball, he's a bastard), I have to disagree TOTALLY about football(because I play it). Now, I've had this discussion with Fabio before, and while you do wear padding, it does take skill. It's not just running with a ball (rugby) while slamming into people, you must memorize plays, learn how to block properly, how to tackle properly, and avoid said blockers and tacklers. Now, the Australian equivelant is Rugby, the game where men stick their arms through other mens legs, resting their hands directly on top of, or beside another mans penis. That sounds gay to me. Although I played Rugby too, and it is rough, it's still limp wristed gay. Here's some proof.



Harhar, that requires no comment. Take note he didn't say hockey, because that's hardcore mother fucking sports. But I'm required to think that way, or else the drunken mobs will bang down my door with a moose antler. Damn my Canadian ass.

-Seru40