Ranma ½

Back in the day, there were only a few anime series available to the North American consumer that didn’t include a large collection of magic schoolgirls. So unless you wanted to go to the Asian community and barter with organs you stole from a medical school to get the latest fan subbed shows, you were forced to view the alternatives. Such was the case with me. I saw many, many mind numbing excuses for entertainment, and this was one of them. I seriously blame this show for being the reason anime never caught on over here. I know it turned off several of my friends from anime. They would watch Ninja Scroll, Wings of Honneamise, or some other random anime on a cable channel, then come to me and ask where I rent anime. I’d tell them, they’d rent this (even if I tell them not to), and come to me the next day with the exact same response. “What the fuck was that, it felt like someone hung me by my scrotum with fish hooks, and was squeezing my penis in a vice while inserting acupuncture needles into the head.” Ok, maybe that’s what my reaction was, they just told me it sucked and never watched anime again. I can’t say I don’t blame them, I almost never did either.

I think you can make your own amusing comment for that picture.

Since I don’t want to waste my precious time, here’s a summary from the people who distribute it. I didn’t add anything so you can get the general idea. And if I did add something, it would just me commenting on how gay this idea or that is. You can form your own opinion first.

“In the town of Furinkan in the greater Tokyo area, martial artist Soun Tendo operates a dojo training students in the Anything-Goes Martial Arts technique. (The dojo does not appear to be doing terribly well, as we almost never see any students actually training there.) To ensure that his family continues in the traditional martial arts, Soun makes plans with his old friend Genma Saotome that Genma's son Ranma (also a practitioner of the Anything-Goes School) marry one of his three daughters-19-year-old Kasumi, 17-year-old Nabiki, or 16-year-old Akane-and thus carry on the dojo together.

Unfortunately, when Genma and his son show up at the dojo's doorstep, it appears that they have both fallen victim to a curse at a mysterious Chinese training ground known as Jusenkyo. As a result of falling in one of the springs, whenever they are splashed with cold water, they each change into the last being that drowned in the spring ages ago. In Ranma's case, this means he turns into a busty, red-headed young girl, while Genma transforms into a panda. Hot water will reverse the effect, but only until the next time...

Ranma ½ is the most popular manga by Rumiko Takahashi, the most popular female comic artist in the world.

It's zany martial arts, teen romance, and comedy like you've never seen before. Join Ranma, Akane, P-chan and the rest of the cast in a whirlwind of exciting adventures in comic book, graphic novel, video series and full length animated movie forms."

Yeah, so you can see it’s zany. (Please note that anytime I use the word zany, it should read HORRIBLE FUCKING GAY. But you don’t want to read HORRIBLY FUCKING GAY every 3 sentences do you?) Anyways, yes, the story is about a boy that turns into a girl, and his father becomes a panda. Pure zany. Now obviously, I was expecting a show(at least the first one) where all Ranma does is masturbate in front of a mirror while in female form. But sadly, that’s not what happens at all. Instead we’re treated to Ranma’s zany problems with his new found female-dom, and dealing with his new fiancé, who in a zany twist, turns out to be mannish. Oh that zany gender bending. Not only that, now he must go to high school with his fiancé, who even with her mannish personality, is being pursued by every male in attendance. After she effortlessly kicks their asses, (apparently they’re all into S and M. ) she has to battle Kuno, who is the cause of all her grief. Well, he gets into a tussle with Ranma for some reason(hey, I don’t remember the zany details, I saw this about 3 years ago) it starts to rain, the Panda rescues him before everyone learns about his plausible ancient Chinese curse, and that’s the end of that. If at this point of the review you still want to view this show, you’re either female or Fabio69. So, I’m sick of summarizing the rest of the episodes I’ve seen (3 zany ones in all) but I’ll just add that the minute Ranma becomes female at school he’s/she’s molested, by the very same Kuno. Then Kuno falls in love with the female Ranma, and I guess in the following videos its all Ranma questioning his sexuality. I don’t know or care what happens in the following volumes, but apparently this series is 7 zany seasons long, and being exposed to that much zany may very well cause impotency.

I think this is where this show hits the pinnacle. I'm probably right

So what is the moral of this show? Well, for one, it explains that all Chinese people are devils that drown animals and large breasted females in pools of water. But that’s already common knowledge. I suppose it might be that it doesn’t matter if you’re female or male, you can still be molested or get your ass kicked at school. Or perhaps the moral is that if you ever get the ability to become female, you should spend less time fighting and more time masturbating. Or perhaps it’s a way to lull Americans into thinking the Japanese are nothing but ignoramuses that create shows about gender swapping main characters. That is a wrong assumption of course, as the Japanese can also create such fine products as computerized toilets with cameras that let you watch women peeing, and 6 different colors of water, as well as robots that walk down stairs. WOW. Who knew that the radiation from those bombs we dropped on them would develop their brains that much?

So, to conclude, if you are currently in a state of severe depression, you may want to avoid watching this as it will push you over the edge. To the rest of you, don’t watch this because it will put you into a state of severe depression. And if you actually like this piece of rancid lion cum (that’s a new one) don’t email me about it, because I don’t care about your opinion. Have a lovely day.