Conversation with captainscreename
(23:24:56) captainscreename:
Hey, I had a great idea for a credit card company
(23:25:01) Triplehalo: Oh yeah?
(23:25:14) Triplehalo: Hmm...I have a feeling this may be going somewhere...but WHERE?
(23:25:16) captainscreename: no, it's horrible, but I digress
(23:26:00) captainscreename: it's called "Calvarly Credit Card"
(23:26:18) Triplehalo: So..."Charge?"
(23:26:42) Triplehalo: There, there, we already got to the end, it's over.
(23:26:44) Triplehalo: OVER!
(23:26:53) Triplehalo: brb, laundry
(23:27:05) captainscreename: and their slogan is "Calvary Credit Card Kick Christ's carpool tunnel syndrome"
(23:28:25) Triplehalo: Oh god, this needs to stop.
(23:29:02) captainscreename: and the commercial is like a guy talking to his bank teller and she asks him if he wants cash or charge and he says "Calvarly". Camera zooms in on his profile and pans to the teller.
(23:29:31) captainscreename: Screen cuts to black with text "Do the right thing. Calvarly."
(23:29:57) captainscreename: Tumpet flutter.
(23:30:06) captainscreename: *tuba
(23:30:09) captainscreename: tuba flutter
(23:30:22) captainscreename: *bass drum
(23:30:29) Triplehalo: You really thought this out.
(23:30:32) captainscreename: sorry typo
(23:30:37) Triplehalo: Try to think it in from now on.
(23:30:58) captainscreename: so there's a spoons flutter
(23:31:17) captainscreename: and a flourish of violins
(23:31:21) captainscreename: *bass drums
(23:31:34) captainscreename: typo
(23:31:51) Triplehalo: Wow, a typo in a commercial?
(23:31:55) Triplehalo: That's rather unprofessional.
(23:31:57) captainscreename: you've been waiting all week to say that, weren't you?
(23:32:09) Triplehalo: To say...?
(23:33:10) captainscreename: that thinking in thing
(23:33:16) captainscreename: but, man, it was worth it
(23:33:21) Triplehalo: Nah, just thought I'd throw it out there.
(23:33:28) captainscreename: I crapped my pants on this one
(23:33:44) Triplehalo: Yeah, you certainly are a goon.
(23:33:47) captainscreename: brb, I need to make a thread about it in GBS
(23:34:03) Triplehalo: Oh man, can I re-say that?
(23:34:19) captainscreename: man, you got my go-ahead
(23:34:29) Triplehalo: That was rhetorical.
(23:34:43) captainscreename: well, you know what they say:
(23:34:50) Triplehalo: If I already know, don't tell me.
(23:35:03) captainscreename: not everything out of my mouth can be a catchphrase.
(23:35:10) Triplehalo: You went and did it.
(23:35:33) captainscreename: and now I'm posting about it in GBS
(23:35:38) captainscreename: are you slow or what?
(23:36:04) Triplehalo: I'm gonna say "what."
(23:36:16) captainscreename: sweet
(23:36:32) captainscreename: so I got cornholed into writing an 8 page research paper on anime
(23:36:40) Triplehalo: Yeah, you're always getting cornholed.
(23:36:57) captainscreename: and about anime expo
(23:37:04) Triplehalo: I didn't even realize there was eight pages worth of inormation about anime.
(23:37:06) captainscreename: (I'm blocking you)
(23:37:16) captainscreename: half of it is my title
(23:37:24) captainscreename: here's what I got so far
(23:37:31) captainscreename: The Japanese Animation Corporation: Application Of
Its Historical Variation And Inspirations,
Its Inter-Population Adoration,
(23:37:48) captainscreename: And Its Annual Fascination Congregation: Anime Expo.
(23:38:28) Triplehalo: Man, with a title like that, you're going to be fighting the ladies of with a stick.
(23:38:50) captainscreename: more like a twig, if ya know what I mean!
(23:39:11) Triplehalo: I never know what you mean.
(23:39:26) Triplehalo: By choice, mind.
(23:39:26) captainscreename: I'm saying it's tiny.
(23:40:06) captainscreename: man, if I could have any penis I wanted, I would get it twenty two feet long and half an inch in circumfrence.
(23:40:09) Triplehalo: If you have to explain a joke it isn't funny. I have a feeling you explain a lot of jokes.
(23:40:36) captainscreename: it's funny because these are unusual dimensions for a penis.
(23:40:51) Triplehalo: You've done your research.
(23:41:15) captainscreename: I sat and watched twelve goddamn animes for this research paper.
(23:41:28) captainscreename: it was cool until you got past the seventies
(23:41:30) Triplehalo: That's going to be saved in a text file.
(23:41:45) Triplehalo: Story of the world.
(23:42:07) captainscreename: I watched a little bit of Astro Boy
(23:42:17) captainscreename: it was the best animated anything I'd ever seen
(23:42:26) captainscreename: including Dukes of Hazard
(23:42:54) Triplehalo: I'm just not going to say anything.
(23:42:57) Triplehalo: It's much much easier.
(23:43:04) captainscreename: it was like Betty Boop with super powers, which include machine guns popping out of his asshole.
(23:43:22) captainscreename: D'YA WANNA WATCH?!
(23:43:38) Triplehalo: I thought that was the story of Betty Boop, I suspect plagiarism.
(23:43:50) Triplehalo: D'I?
(23:44:12) captainscreename: I also watched a betty boop episode where it's about her boss trying to rape her
(23:44:26) captainscreename: and the entire town is trying to stop him
(23:44:35) captainscreename: but then she wanted it all along
(23:45:00) Triplehalo: I know how that feels, the part about the horse.
(23:45:23) captainscreename: what the fuck are you talking about?
(23:45:25) Triplehalo: Oh wait...
(23:45:31) captainscreename: why the fuck do I talk to you?
(23:45:32) Triplehalo: I must've imagined you said something much more interesting.
(23:45:50) Triplehalo: I wish I knew, maybe I could stop it.
(23:46:30) captainscreename: why don't you go talk to your maniquins you've got dressed up as the cast on Micky Mouse Club with corcobs stuck on their crotches
(23:47:46) Triplehalo: I forgot how funny non sequiturs automatically were. Probably because it was never true.
(23:48:32) captainscreename: maybe then, after your six hour marathon sessions with young Brittany Spears and the kid from Step By Step you'll understand half of how cornholed I am
(23:48:55) captainscreename: see how I turned that around into being about me?
(23:49:42) Triplehalo: My least favorite subject...
(23:50:12) Triplehalo: Hardly an upgrade!
(23:50:44) captainscreename: how'd the wife?
(23:50:50) Triplehalo: How'd the wife...what?
(23:51:05) captainscreename: you know
(23:51:42) captainscreename: fit my enormous spaghetti cock in her hot vag
(23:52:34) captainscreename: while I sumultaniously lasso'd an emu and played double dutch with an entire class of second graders
(23:52:57) captainscreename: scratch that, I lasso'd an elephant
(23:53:03) captainscreename: they have thicker necks
(23:53:11) Triplehalo: Oh...NOW it's funny.
(23:53:19) captainscreename: well I also hung myself
(23:53:35) Triplehalo: Now, that's funny. Looks like you're learning something.
(23:54:56) captainscreename: the asphyxiation and subsequent blood rushing to my string of a dong cracked your wife open like a jack-in-the-box
(23:55:59) captainscreename: snapped my neck off, detorsoed that class, and carved that elephant into a set of piano keys
(23:57:04) captainscreename: this conversation is such a keeper
(23:57:08) Triplehalo: This is hillarious, keep it up an-no sense in humoring you, you're obviously not humoring me.
(23:58:04) captainscreename: I feel like you just said something very clever
(23:58:08) captainscreename: HA HA
(23:58:38) captainscreename: CLEVER THINGS MAKE ME LAUGH
(23:59:00) Triplehalo: Not trying to be clever, wouldn't want to make the playing field uneven.
(23:59:26) captainscreename: I can be clever!
(23:59:30) Triplehalo: Sorry I can't be non sequitur with long winded unfunny paragraphs...
(23:59:41) Triplehalo: Oh wait, no...I'm not sorry for that at all. You should be.
(00:00:32) captainscreename: I'm very sorry you can't be non sequitur with long winded unfunny paragraphs : - (
(00:00:47) captainscreename: we can't all be internet superstars
(00:00:51) Triplehalo: I meant sorry in general. You obviously haven't learned your lesson.
(00:01:03) captainscreename: HOLD THE PHONE
(00:01:33) captainscreename: Triplehalo: Sorry I can't be non sequitur with long winded unfunny paragraphs...
Triplehalo: Oh wait, no...I'm not sorry for that at all. You should be.
(00:01:44) Triplehalo: Yes, you should be sorry.
(00:01:55) Triplehalo: Good at being sorry without my help though.
(00:02:27) captainscreename: "that", as you just said, is that you "can't be non sequitur with long winded unfunny paragraphs
(00:02:37) captainscreename: END QUOTE
(00:02:44) Triplehalo: I'd love to read your words, but I'm not going to start now.
(00:02:56) captainscreename: then I'll tell you with emoticons
(00:03:23) captainscreename:
Jon: 8-)
Robert: >:o<@#$$@#$#@
(00:03:34) Triplehalo: I don't have emoticons on in gAIM.
(00:03:37) captainscreename: he's throwing up cuss words
(00:03:59) Triplehalo: That's nice.
(00:04:16) captainscreename: exactly my point
(00:04:26) captainscreename: :-*
(00:05:25) Triplehalo: I don't get it.
(00:06:14) captainscreename: here, let me make it CLEARER FOR YOU!
(00:06:38) Triplehalo: Man, you're pretty good at taking everything I say literallly.
(00:06:39) captainscreename: hey, you can't warm gaim people
(00:06:45) Triplehalo: Nope.
(00:06:54) Triplehalo: I can warn you though.
(00:06:58) Unable to send message: Request denied
(00:07:18) captainscreename: Ha Ha! Boy, man, it sure is good then that I bear no ill will towards you at all!
(00:07:26) captainscreename: Good buddy!
(00:08:00) captainscreename: Because really, a warning between us now would be a violation of sorts; a shattering of a sort of unspoken bond we have
(00:08:15) captainscreename: the bond, some would say... of brotherhood.
(00:09:32) Triplehalo: I've never used the 'warn' button; it's useless. As long as I've used AIM I've also used shell replacements so no one has been able to warn me.
(00:09:33) captainscreename: < : O
(00:10:15) captainscreename: too bad
(00:10:21) Triplehalo: Not really.
(00:10:39) captainscreename: so, you've never gotten together with friends and warned someone you all don't like off AIM for a week?
(00:10:58) Triplehalo: Oh no, my friends had lives.
(00:11:39) captainscreename: you must have been lonely
(00:12:27) captainscreename: wait
(00:12:34) captainscreename: NO THEY DIDN'T!
(00:12:56) captainscreename: Mark, Eric, and anyone else I met?
(00:13:14) Triplehalo: Yes, about a hundred people or more who went to my high school.
(00:13:37) captainscreename: "Hey guys, we're gonna have a party! A HALO party!"
(00:13:38) Triplehalo: You know, you don't have to limit yourself to just two friends. Though it may be your personal record.
(00:14:07) Triplehalo: Er...I've never thrown a Halo party, I'm not even good at that game.
(00:14:16) captainscreename: that would be Ping Pong
(00:14:28) Triplehalo: And he's not even my friend.
(00:14:29) captainscreename: oh, I'm sorry- YOU WEREN'T INVITED.
(00:14:40) Triplehalo: Er...yeah, he doesn't know me...I'm not entirely shocked.
(00:14:54) Triplehalo: I guess I should be depressed I wasn't invited to Nerdshit Fest 2005!
(00:14:59) captainscreename: Musta been having sex with supermodels with your hundred friends, huh?
(00:15:30) Triplehalo: Nah, they usually watch from the sidelines.
(00:15:45) Triplehalo: The support is nice, really.
(00:15:56) captainscreename: Well, it's probably just as well; you and your one thousand friends would've eaten all the dip.
(00:16:09) Triplehalo: We'd never eat you, I'm no cannibal.
(00:16:40) Triplehalo: Though I can't speak for most of my friends, there is ten-thousand of them.
(00:17:34) captainscreename: btw: having people stuck to you because of your gravatational constant does not make them your "friend"
(00:17:55) Triplehalo: lol, a fat joke? If it's personal attacks I have a million of them for you.
(00:18:43) Triplehalo: Of course, I'm not so upset as to use them, you must take the internet pretty seriously.
(00:19:13) captainscreename: One million attacks? You must take me pretty seriously.
(00:19:39) captainscreename: have you got them all scrawled across your walls?
(00:19:39) Triplehalo: Hey, don't get me wrong. You just make it easy.
(00:19:48) captainscreename: etched a couple in your back?
(00:20:07) captainscreename: hell, you could fit every last one of 'em there.
(00:20:23) Triplehalo: But however would I read them?
(00:20:36) Triplehalo: I'd rely on you, but you're probably too small to see.
(00:21:17) captainscreename: This is one of those things where being small = bad, and also where being small = good.
(00:21:24) captainscreename: QED, bad = good
(00:21:30) Triplehalo: What do they say, pray tell, about being smelly?
(00:21:36) Triplehalo: How is that ever good, just out of curiousity?
(00:21:42) Triplehalo: It may explain why you never take a shower.
(00:22:17) captainscreename: true: been lost on that tundra you've been hauling around a few weeks now.
(00:22:43) Triplehalo: You know I wonder if fat jokes is all you have...I suppose it would be.
(00:22:43) captainscreename: you lost like ten computers up here
(00:23:10) Triplehalo: Not that I really mind, I haven't been offended by you yet.
(00:23:24) captainscreename: YOU'RE A NEGRO
(00:23:35) Triplehalo: This is the most unintentionally hillarious conversation I've had yet.
(00:23:56) Triplehalo: My laundry is done, but I leave you with these words of wisdom:
(00:24:23) captainscreename: yeah, this whole having to think instead of yelling swears must really be firing off a few odd neurons
(00:24:46) captainscreename: and they are odd, from a biological perspective
(00:24:53) Triplehalo: You smell terrible, you look only slightly better, your girlfriend is an ox, it doesn't look like you're going to make all that much of yourself, you're pretensious, and your girlfriend's an ox.
(00:25:21) Triplehalo: Have fun, I have money, I've slept with girls, and none of that's subject to change.
(00:25:23) captainscreename: I've never even heard of neuro conductions performed entirely by bacon fat.
(00:25:31) Triplehalo: lol, fat...I'm so offended.
(00:25:45) captainscreename: not fat
(00:25:48) captainscreename: bacony
(00:25:51) Triplehalo: Real clever.
(00:26:04) Triplehalo: Hey, did you start brushing your teeth?
(00:26:09) captainscreename: well YOU'RE A NEGRO
(00:26:51) Triplehalo: That's so funny you had to use it twice.
(00:27:09) captainscreename: I brush them ever day and night on the pubes of a million dozen nubile virgin Brazilians
(00:27:21) Triplehalo: Oh those guys must like that much.
(00:27:26) captainscreename: btw, I think you rolled on Brazil
(00:27:46) Triplehalo: You kidding, it must've been another country, Brazil feels nothing like that.
(00:27:46) captainscreename: Oh, a gay joke?
(00:27:53) Triplehalo: Yes, you certainly are.
(00:28:09) captainscreename: JOKE'S ON YOU
(00:28:15) Triplehalo: I'd rather you not be on me.
(00:28:19) Triplehalo: Or anywhere near me.
(00:28:25) captainscreename: the joke is that we already established I am
(00:28:29) captainscreename: god fucking damnit
(00:28:33) Triplehalo: Oh?
(00:28:43) captainscreename: it's like talking to Guilbert Godfrey
(00:29:05) Triplehalo: You've talked to Gilbert Godfrey?
(00:29:38) captainscreename: hey, I have a joke for you
(00:29:53) Triplehalo: Oh man, better put on my serious face.
(00:30:00) Triplehalo: You know, just in advance.
(00:30:03) captainscreename: a jewish girl asks her dad for fifty dollars
(00:30:19) captainscreename: "Forty dollars?" he says, "Why would you want thirty dollars?"
(00:30:35) Triplehalo: Yeah, glad I had my face on.
(00:31:06) Triplehalo: Jews are cheap, pretty original.
(00:31:40) captainscreename: The daughter, tired of her father's manipulative mind games, strangles herself to death in front of her father
(00:32:01) Triplehalo: Yes, very GBS.
(00:32:07) captainscreename: he has sex with her corpse
(00:32:24) captainscreename: and leaves twenty dollars on her corpse.
(00:32:49) Triplehalo: A jew wouldn't leave money on a corpse, the corpse has no use for it.
(00:32:49) captainscreename: I wish I could edit things I've already said
(00:33:14) Triplehalo: Maybe you could edit them out entirely.
(00:33:22) captainscreename: you obviously have no concept of Judaism.
(00:33:48) Triplehalo: Guess not.
(00:34:05) Triplehalo: I guess they weren't a very funny people.
(00:34:10) Triplehalo: Jon, tell me, are you jewish?
(00:34:30) captainscreename: >:o
(00:34:36) Triplehalo: ^_^
(00:34:41) captainscreename: I'm a scientologist
(00:34:48) captainscreename: that means I believe in evolution
(00:35:17) Triplehalo: I was under the impression that meant you believed in scientology.
(00:35:33) captainscreename: you obviously have no concept of scientology
(00:35:38) Triplehalo: That's an anti-evolution, really.
(00:35:46) Triplehalo: Guess you ARE a sceintologist after all.
(00:36:26) captainscreename: On April 1952, the first cartoon of what we call "anime" was aired. It was called Astro Boy, created by Osamu Tezuka\
(00:36:56) Triplehalo: I, like so many others you talk to on AIM, don't want to read this bullshit.
(00:37:47) captainscreename: it followed the adventures of a young robotic child, as he befriended and saved millions across earth from a mad scientist.
(00:38:51) captainscreename: The series established early on themes that would permeate to this very day, including bukkake, tentacle rape, child pornography, death rape, and anal fisting.
(00:40:29) captainscreename: BYE
(00:40:55) captainscreename logged out.