Good morning, good afternoon or good evening to you friends - whichever of these three apply to you. Welcome to the first post-All-Star Break edition of The Gospel According to "L". This week we're going to talk about the All-Star festivities, we're also going to talk a little bit about the AAA All-Star Game, and we'll be talking about the four games in Detroit, as well as two other topics of concern. So as they like to say - let's hop to it!

Let's first talk about the All-Star Game. I didn't watch the homerun derby on Monday, not because there weren't any Yankee hitters in it, but simply because it doesn't interest me anymore for some strange reason. Miguel Tejada won the derby and if I were him, I'd send Jason Giambi a nice little care package and a thank you note. Now Tuesday's game was a good one, and it showed that Roger Clemens is nowhere near all that anymore. I didn't watch the player introductions, because until the game is held at Yankee Stadium, as it was back in '77, I don't want to see them. Now if that game had been a typical regular season game, Clemens would have been yanked before getting out number three. The only two real outs he got were on a Vladimir Guerrero groundout and an A-Rod strikeout. Other than that, he got socked! If you recall, on Tuesday night I had the photo with Alfonso Soriano, Jason Giambi and Derek Jeter all coming in to score on Soriano's three-run homer off the broken-down Rocket. I was hoping Jeter would win the MVP since he did go three-for-three, but Soriano had a good game and he deserved it, so what the hell, let the baby have his bottle. The best part about this game - if the Yankees, God-willing, make the World Series, they get home field. Despite what happened last year, I told you last week about the importance of having a seventh game at home - just ask the 1985 Royals, the '86 Mets, the '91 Twins, the '97 Marlins, the 2001 D-Backs and the '02 Angels.

Now a little bit about the AAA All-Star game, which was the following day - Wednesday at McCoy Stadium in Pawtucket, Rhode Island. For those of you who for some unknown reason do not know - that is the home of the Pawtucket Red Sox - the Boston Red Sox AAA affiliate. The AAA All-Star game is between the Pacific Coast League and the International League, and I saw some familiar faces there - Lou Collier, Matt Whiteside, etc. The game went into the bottom of the tenth tied at three, and I remember hearing that if it remained tied after ten, it would end that way - just like the '02 game in Milwaukee. Well with two outs and nobody on for the IL, up comes Yankee farmhand Andy Phillips of the Columbus Clippers, and he hits one over the left centerfield fence for the walk-off homerun that gives the IL the win over the PCL 4-3! A Yankee farmhand wins a Minor League All-Star Game at the home of the Red Sox' minor league affiliate. In the immortal words of Mel Allen - how 'bout that!

Now back to the Big Leagues and the regular season. I had another bad feeling coming into this series at Comerica, and my fears were justified. Thursday night Jose Contreras pitches a beauty, and the Yankees score five runs on five hits. What were those five hits you ask? Solo homeruns! Kenny Lofton went boom, A-Rod went boom twice, Jeter went yard, and Matsui sent one to hell. It's a nice way to win - but sometimes it does concern you when the only way your team can score is via the longball. But I guess a win is a win. Now Friday night was a disaster. Only one little hit, and Javy Vazquez gets his clock cleaned. To only be able to get one hit off a guy who the league is hitting .284 against? That's unacceptable! I know he's undefeated at Comerica this season, but come on! You're the New York Yankees, you bring your fans to opposing ballparks, you are supposed to intimidate opposing pitchers, not give them hope! I don't know about you, but that's not the Yankee team I remember! Now Saturday night was an ok game. I wasn't overjoyed, but I was just glad to get the win. El Duque pitched relatively well, and the Bombers got five runs. Good thing MLB Extra Innings has a free preview this weekend - this way I can follow what the Red Sox are doing. Sunday I was looking forward to hearing Jim "STRIIIIIIII-KE" Joyce making the calls at home plate. Now this game pissed me off - Jon Lieber pitches well, yet the offense goes back to sleep. Less than two weeks ago the Yankee offense sent Nate Robertson to an early showed - this time they make him look like Cy Young material. Is it just me - or do you nowadays get some hope when Ugueth Urbina comes in to pitch against the Yankees? Remember he gave up the walk-off walk to Jorge Posada back in '02 when he was with the Red Sox, and he's blown some leads against the Yankees, including game four of the World Series, where if it wasn't for Jeff Weaver the Bombers could have had a 3-1 lead. I could have sworn Sheffield, A-Rod or even El Indio Sierra were going to tie the game with one swing. But like hell that was going to happen. I was surprised to not see Urbina do his little celebration - although I swear I saw him and Pudge kiss when they got together at home plate. It's nothing abnormal, nor is it gay - it's a tradition in Latin American countries - I should know, my father is Argentinean and Argentinean men always kiss each other on the cheek, and so do some men in Latin American countries. Either way, I was more than unhappy with the series with the Tigers - especially with the fact that the media wet their pants over the fact that the Tigers both matched and bested their 2003 win total. You'd have thought these clowns had just made the playoffs!

Before I move on to the next topics - I just wanted to just remind you of what's up this week. Two games down in St. Pete, and Alex Graman is back from the minors to start Monday night. Graman, like Brad Halsey is sort of like a Jimmy Key or Jamie Moyer clone. He throws junk, but if he leaves it up, it'll get hit to another congressional district. Wednesday and Thursday, for the first time this season, the Yankees play the Toronto Blue Jays. The Jays are tied for last in the East, but you know they always play the Yankees well. Roy Halladay is supposed to make a start in this series, and you know his history against the Bombers. Then the weekend has three up Fenway. A-Rod went 1-for-17 at the Fens in April, and they said it was because of all the distractions. The sick Red Sox-loving slimeballs on FOX made sure to point that out emphatically. Now all these snakes up in the 617 will know what to do when A-Rod's in town - try to follow him around and harass the hell out of him. By the way, I worked as a telemarketer and that's how I know the Boston metro area code. All right, on to this week's topics.

I wanted to talk about Kevin Brown's first rehab outing down in AA. He pitched Thursday night for the Trenton Thunder against the Portland Sea Dogs (Red Sox affiliate) over at Waterfront Park in Trenton. Here was his linescore - two innings, five runs (three earned), and seven hits! This against guys who are not even good enough to play in AAA yet, nevermind the Majors! Meanwhile El Duque and Steve Karsay have had excellent outings in AAA - as a matter of fact - Karsay's ERA is still 0.00 down in Columbus. If he can't pitch well against the baby BoSox, imagine how he'd pitch against the Big League BoSox with Ortiz, Millar, Nomah, Manny, etc. He was out with both an injury and intestinal parasites - again, I ask you, how the hell did Red Sox and Met fans get into his intestines? Maybe this was just one bad outing where he was leaving everything up. Whatever it was, if this is how he plans to pitch from now on, we're in trouble. Unless...well, that brings me to this week's final topic.

You may have heard rumors of Randy Johnson being on the trade block. According to Peter Gammons - the Unit has narrowed his choices to the Yankees and Cardinals. ESPN still swears the Yankees, Red Sox and Angels are still the favorites. The Angels just recently said they're not going to mortgage their farm to get Randy Johnson, and if the Sox couldn't afford A-Rod, how are they going to afford the Unit? Come on! Please! The Cards are another team that cannot afford him, plus he's said he wants to go to a team where he knows he can win. What choice to you have Randy? I still have this firm belief - despite what the degenerate animals out there still say - the Yankees will land Randy Johnson. If they get Randy Johnson, their one weakness will be gone! Just imagine that offense - then you add the Big Unit to a rotation of a new Jose Contreras, Javy Vazquez, Jon Lieber, Mike Mussina (if healthy), Kevin Brown (ditto) and maybe Orlando Hernandez? Roger who? Andy who? Oh yeah, those guys, playing for a .500 team!

The only other negative, if you want to call it that, is that all the baseball socialists will complain about a $200 million payroll. It's amazing how these people will never shut up about it. To think, the Yankees are giving a portion of their earnings to unworthy teams. Has the luxury tax/revenue sharing policy worked? The A's couldn't re-sign Miguel Tejada, the Royals had to trade Carlos Beltran, and the Expos will be playing in D.C. next season. Not only that - what the Yankees are doing is totally legal! Show me where it says a payroll of nearly or above $200 million is illegal - I dare you! Like the saying goes - don't hate the player, hate the game! Take care friends, see you next week.