reymundo salao
the guardian, iloilo city

OFTENTIMES DISTURBING
Write-ups from the column of Reymundo Salao
January & February 2004

FORECASTING TAGALOG FILMS 2004
By Reymundo Salao
Oftentimes Disturbing

I should've made a bet last year that there would be more Tagalog movies that would focus on the superhero genre. As everybody knows, there currently are three (in my opinion, horribly made) superhero movies, namely: (The obvious Spiderman-rip-off) Gagamboy, Fantastic Man (whose costume was apparently copied from the X-men uniform), and (probably the worst version of its kind) Captain Barbell, all leading the list of movies for this year's Metro Manila Film Festival. I made an accurate guess that the Tagalog film industry would definitely focus on superhero genres this year following the success of popular Hollywood movies like "Spiderman" and "Daredevil" that were based on comic book superheroes. It was as predictable as probably how "Alamat Ng Lawin" was made in trying to copy the hype of "Lord of the Rings" and how "Bertud ng Putik" trying to copy elements of the "Matrix"

I now know that trying to forecast the behavior and fate of the Tagalog movie industry is more or less a piece of cake. It may be due to the predictability of our local film producers. Their most common characteristic has always been cliché and unoriginality. "Why try to conceptualize an original Pinoy superhero when we can copy Spiderman, a superhero that is already proven to be famous with the kids and adults alike? Let's just change his costume a bit. Make him funkier. Make him more accessible to the masa. Why try to crack your head thinking of a good storyline that would appeal to the family when you can just make some shallow superhero movie? Besides, superhero movies are "IN" again." 

"Hey, horror movies are "IN" too. Ring, The Eye, The Grudge… the Asian horror scene is making an excellent mark in film history. Okay then, let's make a scary movie!"

I would have wished that "Malikmata" was made and released last year, when international cinema was not as saturated with horror movies, as it is now. Now, it's as if they're making scary movies out of just about anything (The Phone, The Eye, The Grudge). Next thing, you know, they'll be making "The Finger" or "The Booger". In fairness to "Malikmata" though, it was a good film that deserves some applause. 

The year 2004 for the Tagalog movie industry would probably make us see more of superhero movies. The appearance of Darna on "Captain Barbell" would spur producers to go full speed ahead on the new "Darna" movie. There was even much anticipation as rumors spread about the speculation on who the next Darna would be. The push for this film will be intensified following the hype that will be made from the upcoming female superhero movie "Catwoman", which stars Halle Berry. This will also inspire other local filmmakers into making another local female superhero. 

This year, two other big Hollywood superhero movies will be shown. "Hellboy" and "The Punisher". Both are dark characters of comic books that are actually aimed for a mature fanbase. With the anticipated success of both films, local filmmakers would probably try to conceptualize their own dark heroes. They would make their own monsters that fight evil (after all, Pinoy folklore is full of cool monsters like the tikbalang or capre), and vigilantes that enforce dark justice. 

As usual, drama films will always be the area that our local filmmakers could excel decently. It is tested and proven that our dramas can make even foreign moviegoers jerk to storm of tears. But because of the current election fever, it is very probable that political dramas would be made. From social dramas about the struggle of the poor in relation to corrupt politicians and the weak system, up to lame biopics that contain fabricated stories of heroism. 

Following Malikmata's success, there would be more Tagalog horror movies. We could only hope that there would me no more sequel to the line of poorly-conceived "Shake, Rattle, & Roll" series that ran in the early 90's. The upcoming "Resident Evil" sequel "Apocalypse: Resident Evil 2" and "Dawn of the Dead", which is a remake of the famous 80's classic zombie movie, will lead to the making of local zombie movies as well. And then, there's the much anticipated "Exorcist" prequel entitled "Exorcist: The Beginning", which stars our very own Billy Joe Crawford, that will be a big headliner, certainly because of the fact that a Filipino actor has an important role in this Hollywood movie, and that it is, in fact, a prequel that has been pushed from its summer 2003 release to an unknown 2004 release. This will be a big inspirational push for local filmmakers to conceive a decent scary movie. 

Sadly, Tagalog films are best identified by the awful slapstick comedy films that are endlessly being made. We can expect Election spoofs, and tireless FPJ-clones, both on TV and on movies. Although it may make us hurl in laughter, it still is slapstick, sticking on the same formulas of comedy. Tagalog slapstick comedies represent the very noticeable ugly side of the Tagalog film industry. So we never can truly expect that any improvement will be made on the area of comedy. 

We can only hope that Tagalog films would be better. But for the meantime, the people of the movie industry have got their hands full trying to please sell-out and artless producers and trying to get involved in politics. 
(tripxyde@yahoo.com)

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THIS IS NOT AN ELECTION, THIS IS A CONTEST
By Reymundo Salao
Oftentimes Disturbing

Philippine Politics is like cockfighting. Always vouch upon what can win. 

Last weekend, I slightly caught a glimpse the segment about a report on nuisance candidates for the upcoming Presidential election. They ranged from as simple nobodies who feel the urge and the delusion to win and run the country, up to top-notch bizarre (and pitiful) candidates, one of them claimed to be the secret sweetheart of the US President, and others just think they're reincarnations of Christ. Apparently, the COMELEC considers these people to be nuisance candidates, not only because of their absurdity, but also because of their incapacity to win the elections. Now I know why FPJ is not a nuisance candidate. …Huh?

Is it just how I see it, or isn't it obvious that the only reason why FPJ is now massing hordes of supporters, is that he is a "good bet". Not on the basis of whether he can run the country or not, but merely because he can beat the other candidates by a landslide. What's worse, is that you've just recently discovered your neighbor is infected by FPJ-mania, and is considering on voting for the "Panday" on 2004. Rewind time a year ago. And if you ask your neighbor then if he/she would vote FPJ for president and he/she would probably give a straight answer "No, are you crazy? Of course, not" She would have answered you this because there was not much of political atmospheric influence in the air at the time, and he/she would still have a level of political sanity that has a bit of common sense. The common sense that we want a president who is able, noble, and has a better vision for the country. But why, now, is he/she infected by the FPJ-mania? Is it because she saw Miriam Defensor Santiago expressing her support for the "Action King"? Is it because ABS-CBN has been showing a lot of FPJ's movies lately? Or is it just because he/she has succumbed to the sweet-talk of the actor-political-virgin's supporters? 

Sure, he might be a good bet to win. In fact, it is a possibility that isn't very far from happening. But ever since when has our national fate been equal to cockfighting? I simply could not understand nor assume any other logical explanation why the opposition party (not all of them though) is vouching for Poe other than the reason that he can win. Hello? Aren't you even considering on whether he has the capacity to wield a country into much-needed progress? He's not even coming out with some platform, neither is he attending any forum where he is invited. Why, is he afraid that he'd be verbally intimidated by private sectors? Afraid that he'd inherit Erap's "I am Stupid" personality while being interrogated by businessmen and scholars? Well, if he could not express himself in English, then speak in your native tongue, dammit! It isn't English 101. All you have to do is tell us… convince us…how would you be able to run the country. No need for grammar check…just tell us what's your plan! Surely, if he was sincerely considering on a decent leadership drive, he could awe us with his plans, even if he just expresses it in tagalog, he could awe people with his plans. But his not showing up and not even giving out a clear plan mean that he has no plan, other than engage in the electoral contest?

It is easy for the public to assume that other politicians are corrupt and FPJ is pure Vatican-approved. Easy for the people to erase their common sense and vote purely on baseless instincts. They do not even know the details of how politicians came to be. Even I, who shyly considers myself part of the mass media community, admit that I do not really have a full grasp of the how, who and what of politics. That is why I try to minimize my articles on politicians. But I do know that Filipinos, especially in the mass media have a responsibility to lead the country to a better future. Why I am repeatedly lambasting FPJ on my column is not to serve a partisan end. But to wake people up from this little lucid notion of having a president that doesn't seem to be the best choice for a national leader. Each of the presidentiables has their own reasonable potentials. Roco represents reforms, especially on education. Arroyo's potential lies on the point that she can continue the progress she started ever since she became president, emphasizing on the point that her term was too short (no pun intended) to show real progress. Lacson's potential is seen in his capacity to discipline the PNP, and perhaps his strict personality can expect a grand tightening of the national belt. The way I see it, they stand for sensible potentials. Reforms for Roco. Consistency for Arroyo. And Discipline for Lacson. I see no potential for FPJ. Sorry. That's my take on things. The nation's future is not a gamble. 

My neighbor says she pities FPJ because he has become a victim of public scrutiny. He is hurled by many insults of his incapacity to be President. Look at the situation more clearly and ask yourself, why pity him? It is better to convince him off becoming a president than letting him sit in the office, run the nation like how critics and forecasters expect him to do, and lead the nation to worse misery. 

Consider this: Your child is dying of an illness. A religious musician presents himself to cure your child. Yes, you are sure he is a good person. He sings in Church and appears to live a clean life. But he isn't a doctor. Would you not mock him if he insists that he could cure your dying child?
(tripxyde@yahoo.com)

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WHO IS THE LAST SAMURAI?
By Reymundo Salao
Oftentimes Disturbing

What I hate about Tom Cruise's movies lately is that it seems to be intentionally made to boost his own narcissism. But what the heck, that's show business! When I first heard of this upcoming highly anticipated big holiday season film "The Last Samurai". I instantly thought "Cool! A samurai epic!" But I later frowned with questions; What the HELL is Tom Cruise doing on a Samurai movie? Does it imply that Cruise IS the Last Samurai? That would be stupid. Even now, after I watched the film, I still think the concept is absurd. But no matter how absurd a concept I think it is, I cannot deny agreeing with many critics that it was indeed a great epic. After the movie, all doubts are extinguished.

The film is set in a time when the concept of samurais and the old ways were eradicated from the culture of Japan to give way to the modernized, more western way of living. Nathan Algren, which was the character of Cruise, is hired by the Japanese Imperial government, not only to bring in weapons, but also to teach the Japanese army how to use modern weapons, which are, of course, firearms. He was at the forefront of the battle against a rebelling feudal lord, Katsumoto, played by Ken Watanabe, who still wanted to live by the old ways of Japan, preserving the doctrine of the Samurai, the honor of Bushido. As the battle ensued, Aldren ends up wounded and captured by Katsumoto's tribe. In the distant, and wildly picturesque, village of his enemies, he was taken care of and learned to love the ways of the old Japan, and was befriended by the tribe he came to destroy. Algren later must decide which sides would he take, which manner of valor he would make, and which honor he would claim. 

I would have thought that this film would be a predictable epic which copied aspects of the "Rurouni Kenshin (Samurai X)" movie and the unpopular Christopher Lambert adventure "The Hunted" (not the one which stars Benicio Del Toro & Tommy Lee Jones). The concept of an American emerging as a hero among foreign settings has been a corny theme, that is reminiscent of the Rambo movies. But "Last Samurai" has compensated this first impression by a great storyline and inspirational drama. The strongest aspect of this film is the focus on the immense sense of honor among warriors that were shown by the Japanese samurais. The warrior camaraderie that Katsumoto and Algren developed was almost like a love story among those who admired each other's valor and courage. 

(Spoilers on this paragraph) Ken Watanabe, who is already a prominent actor in Japan, is the one who shines (not to mention his shiny head) in this movie. His character is very admirable, to the point that in fight sequences, you'd be more afraid if he would die. You can bet that this actor would get bunches of offers for upcoming films. Cruise has done okay too. But if you ask me, I think it would have been cooler if Cruise died at the final battle scene. Hello? Are we supposed to believe that nobody aimed directly at him during that fierce gunfire volley? I would have even been more afraid to aim at Katsumoto, which would only make sense if he survived. If you ask me, the "Last Samurai" was NOT Tom Cruise's character, but it was Katsumoto. If Cruise's character was THE last samurai, then he should have committed Hara Kiri too, in not doing so; he has not observed the norms of the Samurai at the end of the story. He chose to die with his own standards of what is honorable. The Last Samurai here is not the American, it was the Japanese warriors who fought to preserve their Bushido ways. The American here was just their ace. The other casts were impressive as well. Koyuki who played the Japanese woman who, according to my friend, looks like she's always ready to cry. There's also Hiroyuki Sanada who was the cool tough samurai (he looks familiar. Yes, he's the guy in Ringu- the original Japanese "Ring" movie), Shin Koyamada, as the Japanese Legolas, and Masato Harada, who played Omura, a character you'd love to hate. On the otherhand, the English speech by the young emperor at the end was laughable The direction by Edward Zwick and the cinematography by John Toll was the thing that deserves applause. The breathtaking landscape shots that kept me mumbling "wows". Many critics, though, thought that he lacked in maximizing the quality of his shots. 

"Last Samurai" has battle scenes that leave you in trancelike awe. The sequences were exciting, especially the final battle where the tactics were played like a giant chaotic chess. I couldn't doubt more that this film was included as one of the best films of 2003 (it was originally released Dec. 2003) by CNN. One should have to see, to say that "The Last Samurai" is indeed two-thumbs up. 

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PARTY DRUMS
By Reymundo Salao
Oftentimes Disturbing

I believe that Tourism is the key to further the development of Iloilo City. Balikbayans who go home on Christmas season may always want to hold on for the next five months since the Holidays never seem to end in this usually sleepy city. By the times the second week of January comes, it's hard to resist getting excited about the Dinagyang spirit since banners and announcements of festivities are posted, along with Tribal decorations that anticipate the upcoming season. Match that with the evening drums of "Tribes" practicing in some corner of the city. I used to live in an area where a tribe would practice, and although it was pretty damn distracting (especially if you're a student trying to perfect your lessons), you cannot deny the excitement that it makes. I've noticed that many youngsters enjoy hanging out and watching the tribes practice on some evenings. 

But when Dinagyang begins, the city blooms with festive aura. The only pain in your ass is the excruciating traffic jam that it creates. It is one of those moments where you'd wish you had a book with you to keep you company throughout the duration of the long turtle journey. If you plan to go to and watch the Dinagyang Sunday parade, you'd better start commuting as early as 5:30 a.m. not unless you live around the heart of the city, because they'd be closing the main roads and the traffic of human revelers would be much of a problem to those who wish to get a comfortable seat on the judging areas. But then again, there's the usual hazardous areas where you could dangerously hang on to like Spiderman, just to get a glimpse of the tribal performances. And then there's the cheap "unofficially-constructed-judging areas", poorly-erected lines of benches, which would hope to make some extra dough for those who took time to construct them. Just hope it wouldn't break down to nasty pieces, or else you'd have a vivid understanding of the word Tetanus. But in fairness, some of these constructions are cleverly sturdy and are sometimes worth your money. But you be the judge though. 

In selecting which party to go to afterwards, you'd probably need a planner to do so, since there are numerous parties around the city this Dinagyang weekend. There are "tribal" raves on clubs, reggae bands, rock bands, punk bands, or whatever manner of festive madness suits your taste. But if you're as nerdy as I am, there's also Lord of the Rings 3 to watch for the Nth time (it could probably make you hallucinate that the dancing Dinagyang atis are Uruk-Hais on rave). But to those who want to experience the true essence of Dinagyang revelry, one should join in on the merry-making street-dancing that commences basically after the parade. By five in the afternoon, the streets in the main districts are filled with a population drunk with cheer and celebration. It's like a music video set on some exotic urban setting for some electronica music.

Wherever you are in Iloilo City this weekend, it is hard to escape the party atmosphere of Dinagyang. 

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COZY LIKE A 20-YR. OLD PILLOW
By Reymundo Salao
Oftentimes Disturbing

I was in Manila for two weeks on a journey to search for a better day job. While I was there, I realized that finding a decent job is never as easy as finding a reliable company to work for. Nevertheless, I did enjoy my little moments of promdi fun as I familiarized myself with the confusing streets, getting used to traveling via MRT, and the shock that the cost of going to movie theaters could cost you around 70 to 150 pesos! I should've had a buri hat to go with my kamanulan. 

In the span of two weeks, and the contemplation of changing addresses, one could easily miss Iloilo. When I got back last Tuesday, I was sure that the other passengers of the plane I rode on were tourists that came for the Dinagyang festival. It made me contemplate on my home city from a tourism-related point of view, and came to that cliché assumption of how precious my city is. 

The simplicity of this city. The conservative atmosphere. I do hate it sometimes, but the tranquility does make Iloilo a more habitable place, free from highly urbanized stress and toxic pollution. Iloilo may seem dull, but at least during Dinagyang season, it gets to party hard. Ilonggos are like mga binuy-an na kabayo (pinakawalang kabayo) whenever Dinagyang season comes. In a more irreverent comparison, Iloilo is like a catholic school virgin girl who is so reverent all year, but sets aside one evening to become a rabid bitch. The timid population which rarely goes on an extravagant party mode is driven to festival madness. 

Ilonggos are known for their ultra-conservative economical nature. A frugal spender who minimizes spending on parties and barhopping. Ever wonder how cheap partying in Iloilo is? How cheap our beer is? It's coz it's risky to run a bar where your drinks and your food are expensive, of course, not unless your bar is appealingly designed to cater the wealthier breed of coñitos and coñitas who enjoy their 70-peso beers. The thrifty nature of Ilonggos is evidenced by the number of banks in this city. We have more banks in this city than we have gasoline stations or bars. Well, I actually haven't counted, but whenever you're in the city and you pass by a bank, it would only take you a short sprint to stumble into another. Ilonggos just want to stay put and our pockets to stay dormant, till need arises. That's why we don't have Casinos. I would quite frankly laugh at the next person who would suggest opening one in this city. Unfortunately, we don't have Starbucks either. Perhaps somebody found out that if we'd wanna buy a cup of coffee that's worth over 50 pesos, it would be once in two months. Hello? I don't care if it tastes grand, I, the normal Juan wouldn't want to buy coffee that has an equal rate to buying a hamburger the size of Tyson's fist. Don't get me wrong, I also mourn that we don't have many nice cafes here. Actually, I've noticed two cafes that sprung up, and I've loved. But when they started playing Barry Manilow and N'Sync music there, I shrunk to loathing and decided to minimize patronizing them. (Would the owner of those cafes, PLEASE tell your café clerks to play those jazz and ambient music like you used to do…PLEASE!) Air Supply my ass…I do want to drink coffee, not choke on it! If they played Eddie Peregrina or Victor Wood, at least you would smile and cheer the Pinoy noir-like nostalgia of it. 

If there's one thing Ilonggos spend on without having much thought, it would be on good food. And Iloilo takes pride on bringing forth a menu of mouth-watering delicacies, mostly seafoods like bangus, blue marlin, talaba, diwal, bay-ad, and an entire list of menus that could make Aquaman nauseate. But of course, the numero uno on the list is the La Paz Batchoy! If you haven't tried the Batchoy, you haven't been to Iloilo. The nice spice of it and the sumptuous delight that makes you produce a burp like a ship horn. Once you smell the aroma of it, you'll forget how to count your calories. It is so good that a friend of mine once bought it and stored it in a thermos, to be brought to Manila. Some restaurants in Manila try to copy and even experiment on the recipe of the Batchoy, yet what they come up is a laughable gooish product. 

A sort of survey asked me what changes would I want for the city of Iloilo. I answered that I would also want it to be a bit more developed and a bit more commercialized, but at the same time, preserve the conservative nature of it. Do we really need another mall? Maybe one, but I hope that would be it. If we had too many malls, the little stores might die out. If Iloilo gets too urbanized, it could be dirtier, more polluted, and crime rates may skyrocket. I like it the way it is. That's why it will always be a cozy place to chill out. 

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MY TARANTINO FAVORITISM
by Reymundo Salao
Oftentimes Disturbing

I feel it would be a great sin of negligence for me not to make an article/review/feature story on Quentin Tarantino and his new film "KILL BILL". There are only a few filmmakers that I love with utmost bias: David Fincher (Se7en, Panic Room), Bryan Singer (The Usual Suspects & the popular X-men movies), Guy Ritchie (Snatch, Lock, Stock, & 2 Smoking Barrels), Sam Raimi (The Evil Dead Trilogy) and Kevin Smith (Clerks, Mall Rats, Chasing Amy). I would have loved to include John Woo on this list but then when he made the ultra-ugly-garbage of a movie which is Mission: Impossible 2, I lost my respect for him. Tim Burton too, but he made that awful "Planet of the Apes" remake, which to my opinion insults the reputation of the original 1960s version of the film. 

Quentin Tarantino is like the numero uno among my list of "to worship" filmmakers. He may not be as deep as Stanley Kubrick (2001:A Space Odyssey, The Shining) or Francis Ford Coppola (The Godfather, Apocalypse Now), he may not even be as far-fetched as David Lynch (Brazil, Twin Peaks, and Lost Highway-the film I really REALLY want to watch, but I guess local film distributors are too stupid to realize that people would love to watch a bizarre and mind-bending film sometimes even if it does not star some Hollywood jackass like Tom Cruise or J-Lo). No, Tarantino may not be up to the same caliber as these filmmakers, but Tarantino has his own planet of fans that "get" his style. After all, his style has proven to be appealing to all kinds of audiences. 

Tarantino's early works include writing the story of the controversial film "Natural Born Killers" which was directed by Oliver Stone. It was a violent film in its most literal form. The story follows a couple out on a murderous rampage, and in their journey, interesting and enlightening points of view spring up, not to mention, letting people see the reflection of how ugly the system exists, how hostile and violence-loving our cultures have become, and how media glorifies that insatiable lust for violence. 

Then came the finest film created under the classification of low-budget: "Reservoir Dogs", written and directed by Quentin Tarantino. A gangster parable of the criminal underworld. Tarantino's style employs a sense of B-movie nostalgia. Rough cuts, 70's music, actors from obscurity (the only ones recognizable on this film are Harvey Keitel and Michael Madsen). And along with all those aspects, inject the impressive storyline, to perfect the blend that opened the doors for Tarantino. "Reservoir Dogs" was literally a reservoir dog which barked loud enough to be heard by the entire film art community. Tarantino was on his way to godhood. 

Just in time to welcome the era which I would refer to as kind of a modern renaissance era (the 90s was a decade when art was in its most raw and most prolific form ever: The music was grunge/alternative, which was the most artistic form on the expression of music, and the films and filmmakers which came out were milestones: Robert Rodriguez, Luc Besson, etc), Tarantino became a king as he released "Pulp Fiction" which created waves across the film globe (not so much with us, though, apparently many of our local brothers and sisters were more thrilled with Forrest Gump and that TGIS tagalog teen TV series, which seems to be a copycat of the "Friends" formula). "Pulp Fiction" redefined the norms of film. True, it was a gangster movie, but it had the appeal that keeps you in your seats with gusto. I was in my late teens, and it was then that I realized that you don't need big special effects, stunts, and famous actors & actresses to make a spectacular movie. All you need is a good storyline and a keen sense of style that adds the beauty of the film. Back then; Samuel Jackson was just an extra (If you watched Eddie Murphy's "Coming to America", he was the robber in the restaurant), an utter nobody. In Tagalog movie equivalence, he is rapist numero tres in a bad Caparas biopic. But "Pulp Fiction" gave him a lead role, which later made Sam Jackson one of the most famous movie actors in film history (he can now laugh at Eddie Murphy who's making flop films like "Daddy Day Care" and "Pluto Nash"). The film also pulled John Travolta from obscurity. It was a time that he was struggling in the movie world for a decent film job, his last role was in "Look Who's Talking" where he was destined to become a forgotten actor. But then, Tarantino used his nostalgic 70's appeal to add to the world of "Pulp Fiction". It was even better that he had a large belly at the time; it made him a character that is more the anti-hero. But then again, in the world of Tarantino films, all people share the trait of being an anti-hero jerk. Along with Travolta in this film are Bruce Willis, Christopher Walken, Ving Rhames, and Uma Thurman, who is now the lead character in Tarantino's "Kill Bill". 

"Pulp Fiction" was a big series of underworld parables jumbled into one storyline, then intentionally cut the sequence in order to divide the parables from one to the other. Many of you may ask the question why he mixed the sequence of the parables. In my opinion, he designed it in a way, that the final parable was the most meaningful one (Sam Jackson's character Jules Whitfield decides to quit the criminal underworld and decides to "walk the Earth" as a bum). Like "Reservoir Dogs", Tarantino employed the nostalgic style of the 70's look. The music was superbly edited into the most appropriate sequences. The script was also magnificently laced with devilish wit. Tarantino makes every bit of dialogue, no matter how irrelevant it may be, irreverently precious ("If you yell at me, it makes me nervous, and if I get nervous, I get scared, and when mother##ckers get scared, that's when mother##ckers get shot" while pointing his gun at Tim Roth) . 

After the hype of Pulp, Tarantino went back to writing, and wrote "From Dusk till Dawn", and turned it over to his "brother" Robert Rodriguez to direct. His storyline still had that underworld edge, but this time, it was injected with an oldies horror appeal, as it is revealed that the storyline wanders into being a vampire flick. Tarantino (who moonlights as an actor) even plays a lead part on this film. It was a bizarre experience just getting to appreciate "From Dusk". It was no doubt that I loved it, but it was like discovering how delicious spaghetti and shanghai rice can get to be, when mixed. It was spectacular, but it leaves you mumbling "Outlaws and Vampires? Wow! That was some weird trip!"

When his third film "Jackie Brown" came out, he didn't get much bravado from it. Understandably, people would expect it to catch up with the quality of his last work, which was a bit near impossible to do. But "Jackie Brown" had its beauty and charm that lives up to what a Tarantino film should be. Perhaps it was because "Jackie Brown" was a bit more feminine than Pulp, and the main storyline has some love story in it (at least, its not as mushy as most love stories). It was still Tarantino, just wrapped in a subtler packaging. It never gets old, because in the first place, it's nostalgia. It celebrates what is already old, stylizing it, making it (in the most cliché of terms) "cool". 

<second part>

MY TARANTINO FAVORITISM
KILL BILL vol. 1
By Reymundo Salao
Oftentimes Disturbing

Have you noticed that the past three big films that has been showing since January were included in CNN’s Best Films of the Year? The Return of the King, which was a fantasy epic that is now rumored to win a landslide on the Academy awards, the Last Samurai, a Samurai epic, which was Tom Cruise’s “finest performance”. And now, KILL BILL. A bad mother##cker with a big sharp samurai sword. One of it’s tagline is “Speak softly, and carry a big sword” Cheesy? Well, just watch the film and prove yourself wrong. 

Kill bill is like a homage to 70’s grindhouse films. It is a movie that knows it is a movie. It has its own universe and does not need to conform to the standards of reality. Neither it is trying to be under the category of sci-fi or fantasy, it is clearly just a homage to old action movies. 

Many of the film’s elements were actually inspired from that of the many movies and television shows that Tarantino loved. For instance, many of the actions of the samurai elements were inspirations from a 70’s ninja TV series. The hero of the series is Hattori Hanzo, the same character in Kill Bill, who gave Black Mamba the samurai sword. There was also the concept of a group of female assassins, which was inspired from 70’s chick assassin flicks, which were the earliest templates from which the concept of Charlie’s Angels was copied from. Even the name of the group “Deadly Viper Assassination Squad” had that retro-feel, that no real-life assassination organization would name their group as cheesy as that, except on 70’s action flicks. It’s like when you watch a Chuck Norris movie from the 80’s or a Lito Lapid as a legendary-hero-kind-of-movie, you know that somehow, you love it with a weird sense of audience. Take those elements and stylize those cheesy aspects, give them more art and life. It seems that this is what Tarantino did in KILL BILL. 

I loved the nostalgia that saturated the film. The intro logo sequence of the Shaw Brothers Production, which was actually a production outfit which released Kung-Fu films of the 70’s, was an ideal jumpstart that led me on to grin throughout the film with sheer enthusiasm. The black & white prologue of a beat-up Uma Thurman, was astounding. The simplicity of it was more impacting than a multi-million stunt sequence prologue from a Bond film. 

Although the storyline had a simple plot, the dialogues were injected with a lot of chuckle-inducing wit and panache. The stress of the film lies in the coolness of its medieval-type-honor-vengeance-mission, when warriors must settle their issues with an honorable duel. This is one cliché that has a surprising impact. 

The film reeks of macho action. But at the same time, hands it over to women empowerment. Girl power with a very sharp killing edge. Like is the spaghetti westerns that were made by Sergio Leone, Uma Thurman was Tarantino’s Clint Eastwood. The bad-ass who wouldn’t stop her one-way quest for revenge. He doesn’t only blow-off her enemies, he bangs their head in the door, he bites off their bloody lips, slashes off their limbs, cuts them to pieces, decapitates their heads, and even scalps them. Bloody? Yes, deliciously bloody. This is one movie; you’d want to force your 5th grade theology teacher to watch. 

The music was a major element in this film as it marinates its essence with that nostalgic oldies action. All the music here was geniusly arranged that fit all sequences to a perfect tee. My friend even said that the film transforms the ugliest songs into supercool themes. Its as if some of the songs were that of Japan’s Imelda Papin's. Almost all the tunes here were music from an era long forgotten. If you have seen Tarantino’s other films, you wouldn’t be as surprised, but you would still have your attention 200% on focus as you would surely enjoy how these songs become immortalized in this film before your senses. 

KILL BILL was also included as one of the best films of 2003 according to CNN (it was released November 2003). No doubt about it, it is a masterpiece. Tarantino has outdobe himself once more. Tarantino achieves, in this movie, to make an obramaestra with absurd and obscure elements, and succeeds miraculously creating a product that is magnificent and groundbreaking. We can do no more, but wait for the sequel. I will surely rant more when the sequel comes. 

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BACK FROM THE GRAVE
(The Zombie genre just can't stay dead)
by Reymundo Salao

They're back from the grave. I am referring to zombies, but what I also mean, is that the sub-genre of horror, that is, the zombie genre that has gone back into mainstream cinema. Some people may think its just because horror per se has been back in activity since movies like "Sixth Sense" came out, and the parade of Chinese, Japanese, and even Korean horror movies became popularized in Philippine shores. True indeed, horror has made an impressive comeback with better storylines that deserve more respect than just something to watch for a little scary chill and unnecessary gore. 

Earlier zombie films based the zombie concept on mystic origins, specifically on the voodoo aspect. When the 80's fever of zombie films hit, the concept became a scientific yet inexplicable occurrence that the dead are reanimated back to life, and seek to eat human flesh in order to mindlessly survive. The unbelievability of the concept may have been one reason why the zombie concept died at by the 90's. But as time went by, recently conceived zombie flicks this time have that believable scientific biological storyline, like in "28 Days Later" which refers more to the spread of a disease that destroys the sanity of a human being (making humans more rabid, like zombies), and "Resident Evil" which tells of a disease, which was the unwanted product by a company that deals in pharmaceutical and cosmetic studies. 

In our modern world where biological weaponry is not a laughing matter, and entire populations can easily fall at the mercy of some epidemic, which could strike anytime, the idea of an apocalyptic world laid to waste by diseases is fiction that can easily be understood. The fear that the world is decimated into minute numbers, desperately fleeing to fall mercy to the infected. And that fear is exaggerated by the idea of zombies, which, in classical horror movies, are described to eat not only the flesh, but also the brains of their victims. How truly terrifying it is to find yourself at a house, a mansion, or even a city that is populated by hungry, flesh-eating, living-dead zombies roaming around like catatonic wolves seeking prey. Emphasize the idea by imagining how it must feel to be trapped by a crowd of zombies, gathering around you, ready to feast upon you like a roast pig. Imagine a place where there's no place left to run, because everything and everybody around you is a zombie. It makes for a truly horrifying horror scene, right? You may run away from Jason, you can just keep drinking coffee till Freddy goes away. But if the entire city is infested by hungry flesh-eaters, you can't just easily take the next flight to the next city. 

The timeless zombie classics had prolific storylines. "Night of the Living Dead" was rich in stressful drama of how a group of people clashes with each other under the pressure of being trapped inside a house located at a desolate rural area. How their petty little disunity was able to lead themselves to certain doom. Its sequel, on the other hand, "Dawn of the Dead", is supposedly a movie about consumerism disguised as a zombie movie. In this chapter, our heroes are trapped inside a mall in the city where the zombie epidemic has spread. While the "Resident Evil" videogame (Not the film. It sucked, unfortunately), tells the tale of how a laboratory of a leading industrial company that deals in pharmaceuticals, cosmetics, and biological products, can create a biohazardous plague.

The best zombie movie to come out in years, perhaps, is "28 Days Later" which I consider the "Oro Plata Mata" of the zombie genre (well, it reminds me of it). It is here where the main characters flee the menace of the "infected" (zombies), only to later on realize that the fear that would terrorize them more at the end is their own humankind. This film is so good that it was considered to be the most successful "sleeper-hit" low-budget movie of summer 2003. 

With its success, we are about to expect two more zombie movies to come. One is "Resident Evil 2: Apocalypse" which is, of course, the sequel to the mildly-disappointing "Resident Evil movie", and the remake of the "Dawn of the Dead". Not to mention, the "House of the Dead" which was also adapted from an arcade game. But this film hasn't garnered much hype, and shows no promise of being a really good movie. Nevertheless, it could satisfy our little thirst for perverse bloodlust. That sick little imagination of seeing the world around you transformed into a wasteland of death and wandering walking corpses.

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BINGKONG ASYLUM
Oftentimes Disturbing
By Reymundo Salao

You. Yes, you. Ask yourself. Why the p^ck are you reading this stupid column when you should be out texting somebody to go out with you today? Why in the name of JLo's A55 are you not busy tidying up yourself, making sure that there is not speck of dirt on your face, not a chunk of meat between your teeth, making sure that you are a walking air freshener with the gallons of cologne that you bathed yourself in to a point that even the smell between your legs is that of sweet morning dew?

Why fate has not blessed you with the incidence of you stumbling into somebody from your past, perhaps, an old classmate from your elementary years that has turned out to be deliciously gorgeous and irresistibly unattached like yourself, inside the elevator, trapped for moments that seem like forever, providing you a time to catch up on each other. Or if you did, why did your braincells not let you make a move by asking his/her celfone digits? Why, oh WHY, you fool?! Why is fate so cruel to you? Why does it seem like your evil ex is watching you from afar with wicked jest, laughing with malice. Perhaps he/she is inside that tinted fancy car behind the jeepney you're riding, wherein you're uncomfortably seated in, immensely annoyed by a smoking seatmate and the cellophane window-cover that cannot hold back the drops of rain from wetting your back, something that will surely give you the flu. Why is it happening? Why must you suffer? Are you supposed to be in a movie where you're a kind of Rambo who should expect a second-act portion of this big movie called Fate wherein you kick everybody's a55 straight to kingdom come? If so, where, then is your fair maiden? Or where is your charming prince? 

Seems they have all gone out. All them bastards. While you sulk in your solitary state of Crow Soundtracks and Scorpion ballads, everybody is in their overdecorized-by-red malls and marinated-by-mush restaurants. Will you roll up a nice big log of ganja, or to be legal, say hello to the Emperador? Will you be having your cassette player with you and all your Metallica albums? Will you play the "Kill Em All" album and headbang like it was 1996? Or will you desperately browse your celfone fonebook, looking for the first available bachelor/bachelorette you can find. 

So when are you going to get a serious relationship? Or for virgins, when are you going to get laid? Is pre-marital sex really a sin? Or was it just something the priests added to the dogma so that they wont be jealous of the hedonistic bachelors? If you find yourself in the position (pun kato!) of shooting bamboo, would the theological beings be upset, or will they be happy over your current little success, like any proud parent whose proud of their child's achievements? If she gets pregnant, would you be ready to be the father? Would you be ready to marry her? Would you be giving up days filled with PC Games, mallratting, getting stoned, getting drunk, hiking the hills of Mordor, and watching a Sexbomb concert, for a twist of fate into fatherhood? IF you're a woman, would you be ready to be a mother? Are you ready to give up smoking, drinking, and freestyle flirting, and settle for an eternal monogamy?

As the whole world seems to be in some nice sweet screwy place on the same night, you wonder, are there really crowds of couples lining up for their turn to use the motels and lodges, much like how people would stand in line for a Sharon Cuneta movie? Would it be a wise idea to sell popcorn, ice water, chewing gum, and Stork to the couples lining up? 

Which, at last, brings us back to our first question, what are you going to do with yourself now? Was the last 10 minutes of reading this column proved to be a waste of your time? Do you feel more miserable? Wla na ya kaso,bord, ka-OA, sa imo. Nugay na da drama!
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