| July 30 2001 Today is the day we have to take Rocket into the vet to be put to sleep. UGH. how I dread having to do it. Knowing that the reason we're going there is to take a long time friend in to be put to rest forever. I have been crying on and off all day. Trying to come to peace with it all. Trying to remind myself over and over that this is what is best. For him. I already miss him. We got Rocket in October of 1994. We picked him up for free from an elderly couple in West Salem. Rocket was named "Shadow" when they had him, and we didn't particularly care for the name, and figured one would come to us. We had to take him home, wrapped in a pillow case. At a month and a half old, he already knew he didn't like cars, or strangers. We got him home, opened the pillowcase and he shot out like a... well, a Rocket. He went right for the spare bedroom, ran right up the blinds in the window trying to get away from us. He was so quick, it didn't take him more than a few seconds to do all of that. That is where the name Rocket came from. It was also suiting, as Warren is a huge NASA fan. I'm going to be putting some pictures up of Rocket, not today probably though. I'm going to miss him, he's been there through it all with Warren and I. The births of all 3 kids. The flood, moving out of state. Everything monumental to us. I dread it more and more, having to do it, with each second that goes by. I want to ask why, but who am I to question God's way? I pray he knows how much he's loved. How much he's going to be missed. I'll miss him at night, he sleeps every night on my side of the bed, by the edge, as if to protect me from something. It was always comforting to me. I'll miss him during the day, following us around the house, or seeing his black body sprawled across our bed. He's been a good friend, and a buddy to Austin for all these years. He's always been good to us. I'll let you know when I make the site for him. We got the boy's pictures taken yesterday. They turned out great. I guess if you haven't seen them, go see now. If you have, then you know what I mean. I picked yellow for the color of the day, because they all look so good in yellow. Didn't I mention that before? OY! I am losing my mind. =) Josh was so cranky, if it weren't for the feather duster tickler thingy, he never would have sat still or smiled. "ALL HAIL THE FEATHER DUSTER TICKLER THINGY" =) Mom and dad leave in a little over a week to Maine. To see Papa Joe, and everyone. I know my mom isn't fully looking forward to it. As she mentioned it yesterday on the phone, she's of course sad, it will be the last time she sees her dad. I can't imagine that pain. I guess if I were to give her any advice, it would have to be that he is alive now. He is going to be there for you to look into his eyes, hear his voice, listen to his stories (oh what a story teller he is!) and hug and hold his hand. Try not to dread it being your "last time" Make it memorable, take pictures with him, of him. Tell him what he means to you, don't leave Maine, without telling him you love him. It would be your biggest regret, one I don't want you to suffer. I regret I never got to know him better, but I am thankful I know him at all. I am thankful for the times I did get to spend time with him. He's had a long life, a long full life, full of stories to tell everyone. I wish they'd take a tape recorder or better yet, use the video camera to record him telling his stories. What a gift for the great grandsons. I know it's going to hurt, leaving that place again, but take with you memories that will live on through you. Know that he loves you. As long as you have your memories of him, you'll never lose "him" So this concludes today's journal. I guess it wasn't a very chipper one. for that I apologize. But I never promised they'd be full of laughs every time. Hug your loved ones and never forget to tell them what they mean to you, in case tomorrow never comes. Its something I live by, something I make sure I do whenever I get the chance. |