Laughing breathlessly as they entered his apartment, Buffy and Angel fell on the floor with exhaustion, dropping the tree and bags on the carpet. Covered in snow and pine needles, Buffy gasped with giggles, her whole body shaking as Angel embraced her, and she could feel his chest vibrate with laughter.

“Nice sound,” she whispered, stilling so she could lay her ear against his chest and listen. “Haven't ever heard you laugh like that.”

“I haven't…” he informed her quietly, “Not for about two hundred years.”

Regarding him seriously, Buffy stared into his eyes, bright with love and trust and kissed him. Softly, lightly, her mouth like a butterfly wings against his, she kissed him with all the feeling she had been suppressing for years.

Tears sprang to her eyes as his lips caressed her's tenderly, their bodies melting together as the world fell away and only they were left.

Shivering with desire, Buffy felt Angel pick her up and carry her carefully into his bedroom, setting her on the bed and beginning to undress her with nimble fingers. As his hands brushed against her flesh, she trembled and blushed, feeling like it was her first time.

He pressed a kiss to her belly as he unwrapped her, revealing each inch of her golden flesh until she lay naked before him. “Angel…” she murmured, and he kissed her, sweetly, his tongue slipping between her lips as he cupped her breasts in his large hands. Buffy sighed. She felt worshipped, revered, and most of all, loved. Why was he the only one who could make her feel this way?

Sitting up, she unbuttoned his shirt, smoothing it away from his beautiful chest as her fingers sought to memorize his sleek muscles, rub against his nipples, press over his unbeating heart.

“You're so beautiful,” she muttered, her lower lip between her teeth as she unbuckled his belt and her fingers caressed the line of hair that disappeared beneath his boxers. Dizzy with desire, she bent her head, and ran her tongue down his stomach, felt the muscles beneath his skin contract as he moaned, and held her head in his hands.

Suddenly she was frantic as she slid up his body and kissed him desperately, pulling his pants down his legs and straddling his hips. “Please, please,” she whimpered and he groaned in response, pushing her back so he could lay on top of her, feel all their skin touch and burn.

“I've never loved anyone else…” he choked out, kissing her neck, his hands sliding over her curves. She panted with lust, their eyes locking as he finally opened her thighs and slammed inside her.

Buffy screamed, the sensation of being filled with him after so long was too much. Angel groaned against her silky smooth neck, shuddering as he held her hips, moving inside her with a hunger she had never experienced before.

Buffy's whole body was so tense she thought she would snap, shatter beneath him. He covered her mouth with his and absorbed her choked moans, her gasps of pleasure as he thrust into her again and again, each time deeper and harder, filling her so full it was as if they were one. Suddenly it was as if she was shattering, her whole being convulsing, as she came, screaming against his lips. He felt her contract around him, and Angel lost control, slamming into her roughly and releasing a long-drawn out breathless groan into her mouth as he came.

Neither moved for a long time, their bodies limp with satiation, and their flesh replete with fulfilment. Purring slightly, Buffy rolled over and lay on Angel's chest, pressing her cheek to his sweaty skin, licking up the moisture with her soft tongue.

“Merry Christmas,” she murmured, and he smiled contentedly, pressing a kiss to the top of her damp head.

“Merry Christmas Buffy.”

They fell asleep, full with each other, full of love and renewed hope.

~~~

As Buffy woke up, she became aware that she was alone in the bed. And then she heard the shouting. Sitting up slowly, she listened.

“Where is she?”

Oh shit, she thought wearily. That was Riley. What was she going to tell him? He deserved an explanation. Swinging her legs over the side of the bed, she grabbed her clothes and began to dress, hearing Angel's reply.

“She's not here.”

His voice was calm, but she knew he must feel anything but. He probably wanted to rip Riley's head off and throw it out the window. She sighed as she left the room and came to a halt outside the living area.

Angel faced Riley, dressed in a pants and no shirt. Riley was in full antagonistic mode, staring down Angel, who appeared unperturbed.

“We're not together,” the vampire assured Riley through clenched teeth. “Buffy is at her father's. Now, get gone, boy.”

Riley flushed with anger and poked Angel in the chest. “Don't talk to me like I'm an child! I'm a man.” His lips curled cruelly. “The man who's been satisfying Buffy this last year while you withered away up here. It takes a lot you know, she's definitely an insatiable woman.”

Buffy went red as she listened to them. Angel grabbed her boyfriend around the collar and threw him against the wall. “Don't you ever, ever talk about Buffy like that again, you hear me?” he sneered and the turned away in disgust, to see the Slayer standing in the doorway.

She pushed away from the doorframe and went over to Riley, kneeling down and touching his head. “You ok?”

He stared up at her, his eyes wide and bitter. “I knew you were here. When I called your father's and you weren't there…I just knew it. How could you do this?”

She shook her head. “I'm sorry,” was all she could offer, but he pulled away.

“Fucking whore,” he snapped, slapping her as hard as he could across the face in his blind rage, obviously momentarily forgetting about Angel, who growled, and lunged across the room, grabbing Riley and throwing him bodily out of the room, into the hall and down the stairs.

Picking him up, he punched him in the jaw and heard the bone crack. “ You're lucky I don't kill you. Show yourself out.” he growled and turned, going back up the stairs to his room.

“What did you do?” Buffy asked quietly, from her prone position on the floor, still pressing her hand to her inflamed cheek. It had hurt more than she thought it would have. But she suspected it had been the surprise that someone who professed to love her would slap her so viciously.

Scooping her up his arms, Angel stopped momentarily at the fridge to get an ice pack and then crossed to the bedroom, setting her down and laying the pack lightly on her reddened cheek.

“I threw him out,” Angel dismissed. “He's fine. Better than he deserves. Did he ever hit you before?”

“No,” she answered, feeling her skin cool down as the ice worked it's magic. “He never did.”

“Okay,” Angel replied. Now he wouldn't have to kill him. “Is your cheek better?”

A tear slipped out of her eye and landed on his hand. Just one single tear. He stared at her, saying, “Are you okay, love?”

“No,” she shook her head. “I have to go.”

He gazed at her, silent for a second. “Okay.”

Standing up, she faltered for a moment and he steadied her with his strong hands. Looking down at him, she said softly, “I'm sorry. That he came here…God, I'm sorry that I came here…I won't be coming back next year.”

“Oh?” he followed her into the bedroom and watched as she stripped from his clothes, pulling on her own and trying to fix her hair without the help of a mirror. He made a mental note to buy one and regarded her with a solemn air.

Buffy was frustrated and scowled at him, her eyes flashing fire. “Don't you care?”

“You think I don't?” he inquired, coming towards her quickly. She backed away, but he gripped her arms and made her look at him. “Do you think I want you to go? It's your choice Buffy.”

“No…you see…it's your choice…” she protested and he gazed at her quizzically. “It's always been your choice, hasn't it Angel?” she laughed without humour. “Always, always, always. Your choice to leave me, your choice to skulk around at Thanksgiving and not tell me…your choice not to tell me about Faith…your choice to hit me when I came to help you…your choice to do everything. Don't you know my life is ruled by you?”

Angel stared at her as if he could not believe what he was hearing. “I've only done what's best for you Buffy.”

“Oh give me a fucking break!” she laughed again, and he looked as if he'd been slapped. “Yeah right Angel. You did what was best for you. Not me. You didn't want to deal with the guilt of not being able to screw me…cause that's all it is. You realize that right? That sex isn't everything? That it never really mattered to me when I was with you? All I needed was just you. But nooooo…you decided that I needed a good time in bed as well so you left me alone for two years…and yeah, I got some. Sure, I had a lot of sex…but who really gives a shit at the end of the day? When you don't have love it's all meaningless anyway…” she trailed off, her face red with anger, and her body trembling with the exertion of her confession.

He could do nothing but stand stock still like he was nailed to the floor. She quivered with fury and gathered up her things. “So I'm going to make a choice for me…I'm the one that's leaving this time. And I'm not coming back…you know, I don't even think I'm gonna say Goodbye.” She sneered at him. “It's just gonna be too hard for me.” She paused. “You understand.”

Stricken, he watched as she crossed the room and opened the door. Looking back for one second, her eyes hissed at him. “You know its too bad I'm not dying and I don't have fangs,” she snapped. “Then I could drain your blood to save my own ass and leave without saying thanks.”

It was only when she reached the street that Buffy broke down. Sobbing, panting, she collapsed and wept for all she had said. And for the truth in it. It was all anger she had suppressed for so long…it had simply…exploded.

~~~

Life was empty. And Buffy didn't even care. She was too numb to even really notice. As she sat at her desk doing a history assignment she gazed out the window. Shadows filtered through the partially closed blinds, creating patterns on the walls around her. She blinked and felt a tear squeeze through her eyelids.

Why did it feel like years since she had saw him? It had only been three weeks. And yet it felt like so much longer. At night she lay awake and listened to the sounds outside, then fell into a troubled sleep full of dreams. Bloody dreams, nightmares really. They portended evil, but she suspected it was just her blasted mind at work. Trying to scare her, or whatever. Even my brain is against me, she thought wearily and dropped her head on her desk.

Her door opened. “Go away Dawn…don't want to talk,” she mumbled grumpily.

“It's not Dawn.”

Springing up, she whirled around. “Angel.” She acknowledged him with a nod.

He nodded back, and stepped closer. “Buffy…I had to come see you…to explain some things.”

“Go ahead,” she said coolly, but felt her lower lip tremble. She motioned for him to sit on the bed, and he did, looking a little discomfited when she remained standing.

“I'm sorry that I left you,” he began. “More sorry than you know. I used to take these walks…when I first got to LA…because I couldn't stand being in my place all alone. With the phone. I used to call just to listen to your voice say Hello. But, that stopped. And I got used to the pain. It was always there, you know? A constant pain in my chest…but I bore it. And as I got closer to Cordy and Gunn and Wes, things changed. Suddenly I wasn't alone anymore. But still…my heart…it wasn't in LA. It was still here with you. I didn't think I had any right to still be in love with you, or jealous of what you had with Riley. Because I had left you…let you go. And I knew that it was my fault you were with someone else.” He paused and took a breath. “I left you because I felt guilty. I couldn't give you what you needed, what you deserved. But I never stopped loving you Buffy. Even if I live to be a thousand…I'll remember you, and love you like our time together was yesterday.”

Frantically, Buffy wiped her cheeks clean of tears, staring at him fixedly. He continued, “And I want to say I'm sorry. For drinking you and leaving you. For all the people in you life that Angelus has harmed… for what I've done to your relationship with Riley. Most of all I'm just sorry for hurting you. I love you Buffy,” he said simply and fresh tears flowed from her eyes.

Standing up, he took a step towards her, and then suddenly dropped down on one knee. She gasped and her hand went to her mouth as he took a velvet box from his pocket. Opening it, he showed her the contents.

“My ring,” she murmured and he smiled at her.

“I found it at the mansion when I was returned all those years ago. I never gave it back to you. I wasn't sure you wanted it. And I'm not sure now. But I have to ask…Buffy Summers…will you marry me someday?”

She stared down at him, ignoring the tears streaming from her eyes, really looked at him, into his soul…saw all the darkness, the tears, the wounds…and then saw the light. The love. And knew it was for her. “Yes,” she replied simply, laughing a little with joy as he slid the ring on her finger and he showed her that he wore his.

“Forever…” he whispered, taking her in his arms. “That's how long I'll belong to you.”

“I'll hold you to that,” she giggled and drew his lips down for a kiss that promised the future and beyond.

end