After work the next night, Buffy trekked from the bar, rubbing her sore arms and walking in the direction of her apartment, inhaling the sweet scent of the Venetian night. The soft lapping of the canals was music to her ears after the harsh blare of the bands in the club.

She hadn't seen Angel all day, though, granted, she had been working constantly. Buffy broke into a jog, her long blonde hair streaming behind her like a bolt of golden silk, her legs pumping as she flew along the narrow street, trailing her fingers against the flowers that grew everywhere.

Laughing at the sheer joy of running, her heart pounded as she rounded the corner to her building and ran straight into the arms of Angel. He grabbed her, holding her steady as she laughed against his chest, looking up into his eyes. Their gazes locked and Buffy's giggles abruptly stopped as she saw the fire in his eyes. Without even thinking, she pulled his neck down and kissed him.

He gasped as their lips touched, and still holding her, he took the key from her pocket and unlocked the apartment door. She pulled at his shirt and they walked up the stairs, their bodies entwined, their lips meeting and caressing, their legs stumbling as they tried to reach her place. Buffy stopped only to open the door, and he backed her in, as she pushed his T-shirt up and off, running her hands down his chest, purring deep down in her throat as more and more smooth, muscular flesh was revealed.

“Let's go into the bedroom,” he half-laughed at her eagerness, and picked her up, carrying her through and laying her gently on the bed. She smiled up at him, pulling him down and kissing him, their lips hungry and desperate, as he divested her of her clothes quickly and she did the same to him. “Oh God…” she moaned at the first touch of naked skin on naked skin.

It was electric, and she couldn't get enough. Angel tunnelled his fingers in her locks, holding her cheeks so he could kiss her slowly, passionately, his tongue tracing her teeth and the insides of her mouth. Stroking her hands down his back and chest, she moaned as his lips left hers, leaving them red, swollen and open. Bending his head, he ran his tongue down her neck, to her collarbone, tasting her skin with pleasure, until she whimpered and twined her fingers through his hair, bringing his head to her breasts. Smiling slightly, he dragged his tongue across one nipple, watching it swell and poke out with hungry anger. “Please…” she moaned and he reached with his hand to touch her lips as he took her nipple into the hot wetness of his mouth, sucking just the way she liked, hard, then soft, deep and slow.

Buffy's lips closed over his finger and she flicked it with her tongue, groaning as Angel's mouth pulled at her other nipple, sending bolts of fire deep through her body. “Mmm…” she murmured as he left her breasts, kissing his way down her belly, and opening her legs with his gentle hands, burying his face between her thighs, and inhaling her musky scent. Dragging his tongue down her cleft, he filled her tightness with one finger, then two and finally three, crooking them inside her, and smiling as she gasped with desire. Driving his hot tongue against her clit, he thrust into her with his fingers, and she spread her legs as wide as she could, moaning and writhing beneath his sweet mouth.

“OHHH…” she screamed, her eyes closed, her body rushing as he slammed his fingers roughly inside her, his tongue moving fast and hard against her clit, until her entire body convulsed and she came around his mouth and fingers. Angel swept his tongue over her inner thighs, licking the wetness there, kissing her tenderly to soothe her.

Buffy grinned as she came back to herself, grabbing his arms, and forcing him back, straddling his chest playfully. “You want me?” she teased and his eyes sparkled as he gazed up at her.

“Always,” he breathed and she lowered her head, trailing her tongue down his chest and stomach, exploring every muscled inch of him, from his flat brown nipples, to his hard stomach. Feeling his cock brush her cheek, she grasped it with her soft, hot fingers and closing her mouth about the bulging head.

He groaned, his head lolling back, as he ran his hands through her silken hair. Tasting him, she sucked hard and deep, feeling his length swell and harden even more in her mouth, as she wet him with her tongue. Ravenous for him, she rammed him to the back of her throat, taking as much as she could, sucking and licking as he throbbed against her lips, his groans filling the room.

“Buffy…” he moaned and she looked up at him, “I want to…be inside you…” She slid up his body and he rolled her over gently, opening her thighs and slamming between them quickly, wonderfully, her body exploding around him as soon as he had driven all the way up inside her. Cupping his hands around her face, he kissed her, moving with her as the bones of their hips grinded together, swallowing each other's moans in their mouths. “I love…love you…” he choked out with clenched teeth, and she reached up blindly with her hands, touching his face as their eyes locked.

“I…love you…” she groaned as she came for a third time, contracting around him, which sent him flying over the edge into bliss.

Collapsing together, they lay in a tangle of arms and legs, their bodies slick with sweat and heat as they fell asleep, breathing as one.

~~~

Buffy awoke to a silent room. Sitting up, she glanced over and was relieved to see Angel still sleeping peacefully, his face still with contentment, his hand stretched out toward her. She wasn't sure how she felt about what had happened. It had been an impulse. She had looked up into his eyes and for once felt free.

Reaching over to the bedside table, she closed her fingers around her diary and opened it. She had become very interested in reading her old thoughts lately, and right now she needed guidance. Maybe she would find it between these pages.

Dear Diary,

Well, I got into Rome today. It's so huge and busy, no at all like I expected. Maybe I thought everyone would be running around in togas. I'm not sure. I rented a small car, because I actually do have quite a bit of money left over from Paris. I pretty much lived on bread and cheese there, and the tourists tip really well. Not like I'm flush with cash, but I have enough at the moment. I rented a small apartment in the City, and it's so beautiful. There's a fountain in the courtyard, and flowers growing everywhere. Now I know why they call it Bella Roma.

I read Hamlet last night. That book always makes me cry. Although I don't really know why. Usually Ophelia annoys people, and to some extent she irritates me, but her despair is tragic. Maybe I'm just relating, you know, to her wanting a man she can never have.

I haven't thought about Sunnydale in weeks, but I still think about him. My Angel. Funny, he seems like a ghost now. Just an image. I haven't seen him in so long that it feels surreal. It's as if I'm on a different planet. I wonder what he's doing, and how everyone else is, and if they miss me and still wonder about me.

I ran into a vampire in Paris. It was the night before I left, and I was walking through an ally to get to my apartment. My instincts are still sharp, cause I could smell it. I didn't have a stake so I had to snap its neck. It was almost scary. It felt like a dream. I hadn't forgotten about vamps, but I guess I trained myself to forget that aspect of my life.

So many people call me Anne now that I'm starting to forget who I am. It's weird, you know? I'm in this whole other person's skin. Anne. Who is that? She's me, I guess, or another side of me. I don't feel like Buffy anymore. I wonder who I am now.

Oh God, my brain is getting confused. It must be all the extra time by myself. I find myself drifting back into memories. Which I haven't ever let myself do. But sometimes I think about Faith. About the girl who was like my sister, my best friend, my partner in crime. She knew everything about being a Slayer. She knew what it was like to take out a nest of vampires and feel that surging of power, that feeling that you're invincible. I think she just didn't know how to stop. How to be sane. Faith. When I think about her it hurts. She's in jail now, and I feel sorry for her. Because she was born with this shitty duty as well as me, and everything becomes complicated.

I think about being a Slayer more and more. What does it mean? Am I human? I wonder sometimes. In that dream I had a few years ago, when I was faced with the first Slayer, I was in that room with Riley and Adam, and I said, “We're not demons”. Are we though? What are Slayers, and why do we do what we do? I want to believe I am human, I want to believe that I have a chance to be normal. And maybe this is my chance. Away from the Mouth of Hell, away from my family, maybe I can be just a girl.

Angel once told me that we have to fight, but we never win. That depressed me when I was younger, because I wanted to win. I wanted to finally beat the bad guys and then go home and have a cup of hot chocolate and ditch the stakes. I wanted to go over to the mansion and sleep with Angel, and feel everything that a normal couple feels, without the restraint. He said that I would care about the sex someday, and I have to concede now that he was right. Partially. I would have cared simply because it's him, and I want to be close to him in every way possible.

But as for sex, in general? I can take it or leave it with any other guy. When I slept with Parker that time, it was a complete loneliness thing, where I was so depressed I jumped the first guy who took an interest. It was wrong, and disgusting, and I still blame myself. Riley was a comfort guy. Poor Riley. I can look back and pity him now. There is no love for him in me though. I care about the guy who he was, who tried to reach me but never could.

If I could see Angel again…I would be happy. All I need is just a look. I need to take all of him into me, his face and body, the memory of it, so I can go over it in my mind on cold nights. I used to think I didn't love him anymore that our time was over. Maybe it is, but I still love him, and I have never stopped. I got sidetracked with Riley, thinking that that was what I wanted, that I wanted a normal guy, but now I realize that was all just my scared little self inside, not wanting to get hurt again.

Do I wish he would find me? I wonder that a lot. I think I do. Then it would be over. This trip across Europe, this long life that is meaning nothing to me. I wouldn't be surprised if when I'm old and about to die he walks in the door, takes me in his arms and kisses me. And then says, “I know you would want to die in my arms.” I would smile weakly, touch his still young cheek and say, “I knew you would come.”

Then I would die, and it would all be over.

But I don't want that. I want him to come for me when I'm still young, and I can still beat him up, and I still have my blonde hair and my tanned skin. I don't want him to forget me.

Love, Buffy

Buffy glanced over at her sleeping lover, and smiled, touching his cheek. He had found her, and whether he liked it or not, he was keeping her. She was going home.

end