We're laughing as we get back to his apartment. He touches my bruised lips with a gentle finger and then kisses them.

“Teeth are nasty things,” I giggle and he smiles.

“Completely.”

Lifting me in his arms, he begins to carry me into the bedroom when the phone rings. “Probably Cordy,” he says wryly and still kissing my neck, lifts the receiver to his ear. “Mm…hello?”

I go still when I hear the gravely voice on the other end. “It is time. Go to the Hellmouth. It will begin in three hours. Take weapons.”

That's it. He hangs up and we just stand there. My throat is dry. I try to swallow but my saliva is like glass. “Angel…” I choke out. Nothing else. Just his name.

He doesn't answer. I know why. He can't think of anything to say.

~~~

From: WiccaSister89@hotmail.com
To: Buffy16@hotmail.com
Subject: (none)

Buffy,

I don't know why, but I have the strangest feeling today is the day of the fight. There are dark forces in the air. Listen, I'm not going to say Goodbye. I'm glad we got to have that talk the other night. I know you'll get through this.

I was reading a book of poems yesterday. I found one that reminded me of you:

I am not from here
My hair smells of the wind
And is full of constellations
And I move about this world
With a healthy disbelief
And approach my days and my work
With vaporous consequence
A touch that is translucent
But can violate stone
By: Jewel Kilcher

You never were from where we were Buffy. You're from somewhere better. Somewhere full of heroes. You've saved me more times than I can count. In more ways than one. I was thinking about High School, when it was me and you and Xand. Member the times we had? It was great. You made me feel like I belonged, Buffy.

I know it sounds like I'm saying Goodbye. I'm not. Well, maybe I am. Just whatever happens out there today, know that I love you, and that you're my best friend. Oh God, I'm crying, I'm sorry. Well, I guess you can't tell cause this is on an e-mail…but anyway, I'm rambling.

I'm thinking of you, always. Be careful (yeah, right!)

W

~~~

The car ride is long. Angel speeds like a racer, but for some reason the road stretches out ahead of us like a long grey ribbon, never ending. As I watch the miles eaten up by the car, I feel like this isn't happening. It's stupid, but I don't feel real. It's like any minute now we're going to wake up.

When I was little I would pretend I was a super hero and save the world. With my red tights on and a cape made out of bed sheets I would jump from my bed to the cabinet, my little hands holding a paper and foil sword. The demons or enemies would always be in the closet. I never saw them. But I won, somehow.

I loved the adventure. I loved to pretend I was that girl…that person who would do good and fight evil. Maybe I was just innocent back then. Maybe I just didn't know what was coming. A part of me thinks I did.

I realize that I haven't even called my mother. That my Dad doesn't know. That I haven't said Goodbye to Willow and Xander and Giles. It can't matter now. Maybe saying Goodbye would have made it harder. I don't know. My stomach is hurting and I want to throw up.

Street lamps light the way and their watery glow spills over me as we pull into Sunnydale High School parking lot. Angel's hand rests on his seat belt for a moment without unbuckling it. Finally he does, and gets out, facing me. My legs are shaking. He doesn't see it. His eyes lock with mine and I'm drowning in them. “I'm not going to say Goodbye,” he finally says in a blank tone.

My eyes fill with tears. As they slip down my face I wonder if I'm weeping blood. I must be. Only blood could sting this much. “You have to,” I answer him and he comes forward, bending down and pressing his lips to mine in a hungry kiss.

“No regrets?” he inquires with a half smile, and my tears gush, because I love him and like any girl with a future all planned, I don't want to die. I want to wear a wedding dress and have children and walk on the beach again.

“None at all,” I reply, trying to smile, but it comes out more as a sob. He crushes me close for a quick moment and then we walk into the school. It smells like cracked paint and burnt wood. Like old cafeteria food. It smells like my past. Angel's hand is holding mine and my fingers are trembling. We have a stack of weapons in a heavy bag and I harden myself. It's time to do this.

My whole body almost withers as we near the library. The scent of demons, of decay, of my own death- has reached my nose. My flesh tenses and with regret, I let go of Angel. Kicking open the door, I watch as the Hellmouth unfurls like a giant bird, its wings spreading to reveal every atrocity in the realm.

Grabbing a sword as Angel takes a hold of an axe, we enter the battle. For a while it's easy. I'm slaying vampires and cutting off heads and beating at the numerous snake-like creatures twining out of the black hole. But then as it goes on and on, my head feels dizzy. Sweat is pouring over my skin and its too hot. I can see the demons coming and it seems like they will never stop.

Slashing another vampire, I kick and punch a second one, finishing by cutting off its head. I can see Angel fighting over by me, his movements deft and sure. He's stronger than I am. Our eyes meet and lock. His are alive with fire, and love. I try and smile. He's distracted by a large demon bearing down on him and turns away.

That's when the first blow comes. It's to my side. I feel the sword being wrenched from my hands and it slices through me like I'm butter…

Like I'm Faith...

That's all I can think as I stake the vampire, trying to ignore the hot blood spurting from the wound below my breasts, but every breath hurts. Is this what Faith felt like when I stabbed her? My ribs crack as I lop off another's head. It's different than drowning, which felt like I was being filled up and smothered.

The demons are getting ferocious and there seems to be a never -ending amount of them. The hole opens up wider and than that's when the snake appears. The colossal monstrosity of green scales and sharp breath. I'm gasping and everything is rushing around me in a kaleidoscope of colours. Kind of like at the fair today. But now I'm not laughing. I can see through glazed eyes Angel slicing through the beast with his axe, its roar ringing through my being as it is killed by my lover.

That's when the second blow reaches me. The sword goes deep into my midsection. I hardly feel it. Looking down I see it gaping from my skin like something that doesn't belong, the handle golden, the blade silver and 14 inches of razor sharp destiny. I must look like Angel did when I stabbed him. Maybe I deserve it.

I fall. I know Angel's still fighting, but there's less of a roar. My eyes stray down to the front of my top. It's red. But I didn't wear red today. Then I remember. Oh God…are you out there God… my head is muzzy and I stare up at the ceiling, realizing there is no roof. The stars twinkle at me and reaching my hand up, I think I could touch them. My mouth feels sticky. Blood flows past my teeth and pools around my head. The moon looks blue. Like the ocean.

“Buffy!”

It's an agonized scream. Angel. I don't say anything. My throat won't work and my limbs feel heavy. His hands cradle my head. He looks scared. “Buffy…the Hellmouth's closed…no more demons…Buffy…please, I don't want this without you…”

I can't look at him. But he cups my cheeks and I see my blood coursing over his thumbs. “Buffy…fight, please. Please…”

He's sobbing and I want to cry and hold him and tell him nothings wrong and everything will be fine. But how can I? My insides are pouring out and there's no way he can fix me again.

“HELP US!” he screams to the sky, to anyone. I want to tell him there's no one out there, but I don't.

“I can help you.”

That voice. Juliet. I see her, through watery eyes. Through bloody eyes. She's wearing white and her hair is loose to the night wind that flows through the missing roof. Angel's head jerks up and he stares at her with wild eyes. “What can you do?” he asks frantically.

“Call the Oracles,” she tells him, and he doesn't even ask questions, just shouts for whatever mystical beings she mentioned.

There is a flash. It doesn't hurt my eyes, but its white and bright, filling the entire ruined library with brilliance. Two figures appear, both clothed in blue, with strange golden paintings etched on their flesh. The woman stares hard at us.

“Why have you summoned us, lower being?” she snaps at Angel, who I realize must have already been given his humanity. My heart would soar if it wasn't cracked and bleeding. He looks down and tears are streaming down his face.

“Please…help Buffy.”

The male taps a finger against his teeth. “We cannot. She is fated to die. Unless someone goes in her place…”

Angel jumps up and cries, “Me…I will…take back my humanity…kill me, whatever it takes…just make her live.”

If I could scream NO! I would…but my vocal cords are being drowned with blood and I can only stare at them with wild eyes. Juliet kneels down and she takes my hand. I see the salt on her face. She weeps for me.

“No, we cannot grant that request,” the female Oracle whispers with a sad expression. “You are no longer meant to be a Warrior. Your fate is humanity. I cannot undo that. It wouldn't be right.”

Angel sobs something in his native language as the Oracles begin to disappear, but then Juliet speaks. “I will take her place.”

The male glowers at her. “What do you mean, old one?”

She throws back her head of hair. I can barely see them anymore. Angel's beside me, trying to hold me without hurting me. Every breath stings and they're getting shorter and shallower. Juliet's voice is strong. “I want to take her place. I have lived long enough. Four thousand and five years is too long…I wish to leave this realm. It would be a worthy trade. The Powers that Be have never liked me. Restore Buffy, give her, her freedom. The Hellmouth is closed. Take me instead. I would willingly die for her.”

I can hear the female's voice and it sounds like a broken record, I guess my hearing is going. “All right, old one. We accept.”

Juliet leans over me and she puts her hand on my cheek. Suddenly I can see clearly. Her face is close and she whispers, “Be happy.” Her eyes are calm. She wants to do this. As if in a drunken haze, I glance at Angel. Every moment we have had flashes in my mind. The kisses in the graveyard, the night we came out of the rain into each other's arms, surviving Hell and Angelus, the last look…the dance at the Prom, the little moments I knew he loved me and I loved him and that this was it…

Then I see all the moments we are supposed to have. Our wedding day, laughter and white frosted cake, honeymoon- sandy beaches and sun warmed skin, our children, tucking them into bed and reading stories, Christmases with Xander and Willow and their families…our faces content, his arms safe around me…

I look at Angel. He's gazing at me, his eyes wide and frightened and I love him with all my scarred being. He's all I've ever wanted, the only future I've ever seen.

I smile at Juliet. “Thank You” I mouth to her and her lips curve.

“Your Welcome,” she murmurs and my eyes close.

The acrid smell of ashes fills the air.

A warm glowing sensation flows over my belly and chest and for a moment I wonder whether the Oracles were too late and my spirit is leaving my body, but then I realize I can move and the stab holes have closed over.

Angel lifts me up. His embrace is strong and I can feel his heart beating.

He carries me out of the burnt shell that once was my High School and sets me down. Pinks and golds streak the horizon with brilliant colour. Slowly the ball of fire rises and Angel squints against his first sunrise in over two hundred years.

I press my face against his warm arm, which throbs with life. His head bends down and our lips meet. His are hot.

“Let's go home,” he says softly and smiles, his teeth white in the sunshine.

the goddess finally sleeps, after eons of war and lifetimes
she's smiling and free
nothing left, but a cracking voice and a song of love

“Home,” I repeat and glance once more at the wrecked building. The air is sweet now, and the scent of it is like cotton candy we ate yesterday. “Yes, let's go home, Angel.”

He takes my hand, and we start walking.

end