I left him sleeping in his bed. Waking him would have been foolish. He needs his rest and I don't know how long he's going to grieve.

My room's cold and lonely. I can hear my Dad roaming around in the kitchen but I don't feel like saying anything to him.

When did I get so alone?

~~~

“Do you guys want to sleep over tonight? My Dad's going to be out.” I say to Beth and Juliet as we meet in one of the cafeteria's to grab a snack before we leave for the day. Beth can't. She's got a hot date with her tennis instructor. I swear, only in LA. Her blue eyes are shining and she looks innocent. Sometimes I wonder when I lost that look.

Juliet sends me a provocative glance. She's wearing a gold top and looks like Cleopatra. “Sure. Love to,” she says quietly and I feel uneasy. What is it about her that draws me and repels me at the same time? Her teeth bite into a red apple, and I stare at them. They're sharp.

“Ok,” I respond and she agrees to come over later at about eight. I figure I'll go pick up some cake. And maybe some chips for me. My stomach hurts for salt.

~~~

From: WiccaSister89@hotmail.com
To: Buffy16@hotmail.com
Subject: Hello, no voices!
Date: December 20th 1999

Hey Buffy,

Did you hear what happened in Sunnydale? It was like a real live fairytale, but not of the good kind. We all got our voices stolen by these gentlemen who need seven hearts blah blah bling. Anyway, we wanted to call you…but no voices. It was pretty scary. Tara and I had to run away from them and we used our powers. It's frightening how powerful we are together.

Everything worked out fine though. We broke the box they found the voices in and since a Princess had to scream…I screamed. Wow. I'm a Princess…yay!

Another thing…you know those military guys I told you about…guess who I think might be one of them?? Riley Finn. Member the TA for our Psych class? He may look kinda…well…clueless…and maybe he is, but he's been acting very strange, and when the Gentlemen were around I could have sworn I saw him wearing a military outfit. Might just be me though.

I miss you a lot. Love you,

W

~~~

I sit back after reading Willow's e-mail and realize it's the first time she's never mentioned Oz. Wow. Maybe she's moving on. Maybe she's finally made the break. I hope so, cause I know from experience that not letting it go only leads to trouble.

~~~

Juliet arrives and looks around. She's wearing so much smoky black eye make up that her eyes look twice as large. She sets down her bags and crosses her pale legs, motioning for me to join her on the bed. “Want some cake?”

“Sure,” she responds quietly, licking her lips. I find myself staring at them, not quite knowing why. The cake is chocolate and has a lot of mousse icing that frosts over the top generously. Picking up a fork, Juliet's mouth devours the sugary confection, while I drink some water.

“Do you want to watch a movie?” I ask nervously, but her eyes lock with mine and she shakes her head.

“I'd rather talk…Buffy.”

She's strange. So am I. But I don't know why. “Who are you?” I inquire, hardly realizing what I'm saying. She smiles slowly, her lips curving in a way that chills my fragile bones. She's got a mean smile. But it's beautiful, just like the rest of her.

“No one you would know.” Her tone is serious, but I hear the teasing. She's mocking me. I hate that. Grabbing her arm, I force her backward, and almost snarl.

“Who the hell are you Juliet?”

Breathing hard, she giggles. “I like this.”

“You like what?”

“You…hurting me…” reaching up with one hand, she strokes her fingers absently through my hair and my scalp tingles with the delicious sensation. “You're so strong, Buffy. So strong.”

“What are you” I ask, changing it from, 'who'. She's definitely a 'what'. I can tell, and I don't know why my senses didn't pick up on it before. I realize that she's been waiting to be really alone with me for ages, without anyone else around and this is her chance. Her hand drops and suddenly it's just above my breasts, on my collarbone. Tracing it with her finger, her eyes gaze into mine.

“Like I said…no one you would know.”

“Let me in on the little secret then,” I growl softly, and she laughs lightly and then kisses me.

I don't know if I saw it coming or if I should have expected it. She tastes like sugar and icing, like chocolate and vanilla and strawberry all at once. Her lips are soft and warm. For a moment I forget who I am, where I am, what I am, and kiss her. It's as delicious as a whipped cream cloud, so light and then her control snaps and she's ravenous, ravishing my mouth and grinding her pelvis against mine.

That brings me back to earth. Or wherever alternate universe I've wandered into. Pulling away, I pant and watch her chest rising and falling; “Tell me, Juliet.”

Her giggle is harsh. “What do you want to know?”

“Who you are, what you are, and why you just kissed me,” I tick them off on my fingers.

“I kissed you because I love you,” she rasps and sits up, folding her body and resting her chin on her knees. She looks little, but still like a feral animal, and I know that she's telling the truth. It's written all over her voice, all over her skin.

~~~

I don't think many people have loved me in my life. Faith used to whine about how she hated how everyone thanked me, praised me and she was always second best. But she never knew that I envied her. I envied how wild she was, but at the same time, so vulnerable. She never guess how lonely it was, being as strong as I was. People expected me to take things. People wanted me to pick myself up after a fight, or a break up, and carry on. No one wanted to see me fail and I guess I just accepted that.

I wonder how she is sometimes. In that coma.

I know she loved me. She was one of the only people. My mother does, in that confused way a mother loves a child she doesn't understand. She never wanted me to be the Slayer. She wanted me to be her little girl. And although I understood that I guess I didn't want to deal with it.

Angel loves me and I regret every day that he does. I wish we had met in that ally and he hadn't been dark and fascinating. I wish I hadn't kissed him and thrown myself into the fray. I wish we had never taken that plunge over the edge. We spun close and then it all broke. It all fell and I had to pick up the pieces. As always. But maybe it all happened for a reason. Sure. That's what I like to tell myself.

~~~

Juliet is staring at me with her tiger-eyes and willing me to say something. What does she want? For me to say I love her back? I don't love her. She may taste like sugar and have a way of making me forget…but my heart is not in this room.

“Who are you?” I stick to the point. Maybe she'll get on with it. She stares off into space and her teeth glitter in the dim light.

“I was sent to watch you…” she finally answers and I realize that's only the edge of the truth. As she gets up, her long lean body walking over to the window to look out over the ocean, I pause and collect my thoughts.

“Sent by who?”

“The Council.”

I should have known. Maybe it seemed to easy, just quitting the Council. I may have told Wesley to stuff it, but I guess I couldn't get away with telling the entire board that. “Who are you?”

I want to know who she is. I don't know why and I can't even explain it. Juliet turns back, shadowed by the window, and I see how she's looking at me. “I'm Juliet. But I guess that's just one of my names. You can call me whatever you like. What do you call most vampires?”

Already I'm jumping to my feet. “You're not a vampire. I've been with you in the sun. I've never, ever seen you drink blood.”

“Sit down, Buffy,” she orders, and I do, albeit reluctantly. “I am a vampire. Part of the Ventrue. Have you never heard of us? We are an elite group of vampires. The upper class if you will. But I'm older than the rest. In fact, I am the oldest vampire alive.”

I'm impatient, and I don't understand a word she's saying. “How old is old?”

“Four thousand years old,” she replies without even a hint of pride. My heart swells. How can one being live that long and not be insane? Of course maybe she is, and I simply don't know it. “A lot of vampires…and even Watchers, do not know that after that long…one learns, certain tricks. Certain magicks…to prevent the sunlight from burning, to live a long time without blood. To keep from getting killed. And to separate from the demon within.”

“Are you saying you have a soul?” I inquire, and immediately think of Angel.

She tilts her head to the side. “Not a soul in the traditional sense. But I feel pain when I kill. Regret, and remorse. Many new vampires just birthed cannot understand this. But the old ones, we know…the demon does not control us. We can control it. It is possible.”

“Why don't most vampires know this?” I ask, my mind whirling. With all my knowledge of vampires, and with the walking encyclopedia that is Giles beside me, I suppose I thought I knew everything there is to know. “And what do you mean…how long can you stay in the sunlight?”

“It hurts,” she says quietly and her lithe body spins away to stare out at the ocean once more. “You know…the feeling after you've been in the sea for a long while. The salt begins to chafe your flesh? The sunlight feels like salt after some time in it. But it is not unendurable.” She pauses and her voice is like silk. “Most vampires…when they are first born into this uneducated time…have no idea of the possibilities. All they can think of is this new found thirst. They take no time…to overcome the need to kill.”

“I don't get it though…how can you distance yourself? I thought the demon took over and it was like, 'poof!' remorse gone.”

“That's not true. Of course it is very easy to slip into the evil nature that the demon infects us with. But it's not impossible, with a lot of training, to get back human qualities. I have done it.”

“So…you work for the Council?” I ask her, and she shakes her black head.

“Not all the time. But I will perform special tasks for them. It can be useful to have the Council on my side. I have been brought to you for a very important reason and it is imperative that you listen to me.”

“Hmm…” I pretend to consider that. “I think not. Quitting the Council meant that my dealings with them were over. I don't want back in and I'm not. What they did—“

“You mean with Angel,” Juliet nods and I gape at her, astonished.

“How do you know about Angel?”

She grins very slowly and a spark heats in my blood. Somehow I just know. It's the animal part of me. That wants to protect what's mine. “You know Angel don't you?”

“Well, you could say that,” she drawls and I know a sudden urge to scratch her beautiful golden eyes right out of her head. “Rather I know Angelus. We were lovers briefly.”

“What about Darla?” I choke on the words, remembering the sleek blonde that Angel killed for me. His Sire.

Juliet stares at me for a moment and appears to be considering what she says next. “I was a lover of Darla's as well.”

Oh. That makes me feel sick. Both of them. She fucked both of them. What is going on here? IS that why I kissed her? Because some part of me recognized that she had little bits of Angel inside her? No. I know it was more than that. “Why do you say you love me?”

I can't help asking. I have to know. She drifts over to the bed. “Because I do.” It's a simple answer. But she continues. “I have studied you, Buffy Summers, since you were first called. And I fell in love with you. You are a pure fighter, and the most powerful Slayer I have ever encountered. Do you not realize how much potential there is within you? Your fullest peak has not even been attempted as of yet. There is so much for you to learn.” Her breathing is soft. “You are a Kindred.”

“No!” I stand up and look down at her. “I'm not one of you!”

“Are you not?” she wonders and her voice is like a river flowing over rocks. Dropping the subject, she says, “I have come because there is much the Council needs from you. You are on the edge of a breakdown, do you not see that?”

“I see it,” I admit, and rub my eyes. “But I don't see what the Council has to do with it.”

“The Council would not help Angelus because I asked them to,” she comments and my gaze clouds over with rage.

“WHAT?” I shout and grab her hair, yanking her over to me. “He COULD HAVE DIED! You fucking BITCH! HOW could you DO THAT?”

I don't care that I'm screaming, or that I'm pulling her hair so hard my knuckles ache. She deserves this. She was reckless with Angel's life, and that is something I cannot let pass. EVER. “Listen to me,” she cries over my yelling and I try to be deaf to her. “I only did it to prove how strong your bond was! I wanted to see how far you would go…to save him! We were standing by…ready to give him the cure he needed…the Council would never have let him die…”

I let go of her, and she stumbles away, her hair in disarray but her face calm. “What do you mean? They wanted him to die…they never liked him.”

“Well, like really has nothing to do with it, Childe,” she murmurs and straightens the black locks on her head with pale fingers. “They may not like Angelus but they know he is important to the survival of this planet. As are you, darling.”

I don't even register her pet names. My brain is a jumbled mess. “I'm important to the survival of this planet? I don't understand…and Angel is as well?”

“Yes, you two are imperative. You see, you were always fated to meet. Not to fall in love however. It seems you did that all yourselves. The Council never foresaw that. Slayers before you have never disobeyed them, never had friends and never fell in love. But you…Buffy…” she looks almost in awe of me and I blush suddenly. “You broke each and every rule. First off was falling for Angelus. You and he are the warriors. The key warriors for this planet.”

“Are we supposed to fight together?”

“Yes. But the fact that you two fell in love and didn't stay together…that puts a thorn in the side of the Council. In the End of Days fight, you are fated to fight together and win. Your Watcher does not even know this. Only the most higher ups know it. But you and Angel have failed, letting basic human weakness get in the way.”

“We can't help it,” I tell her tightly. “We love each other.”

“I know this,” she answers and for a moment I could swear I see pain in her eyes. “I must go.”

“What do you mean?” I cry, stunned. “I have to know more…like when is the fight? What will happen to me and Angel? You have to tell me, Juliet!”

She smiles sadly and shakes her head. “I must check in with the Council before I tell you anymore. And it is no use grabbing me and trying to hurt me. I cannot be forced, Childe. Wait, have patience. I will talk to you soon.”

~~~

I'm lost. Its hours later and I'm sitting on my beach, my feet barely touching the water. Everything she told me seems unreal. Seems like it's a dream.

Every pore revolts against the fact that Angel and I were fated to meet but not fall in love. I always thought it was destined. What we had. Maybe it wasn't. Maybe this dream of 'meant to be' is foolish. I guess I simply believed we would work it out.

Juliet remains a mystery to me. I have been going over everything she said to me, in that silky voice of hers, about her life and love for me, and her plans, and the Council's plans…and I feel as if that is just the tip of the iceberg. Why wouldn't they just contact me directly? Am I messing with forces more powerful than even I realize here?

“Hey,” he says, stepping from the shadows like he always does and sitting beside me. “What do you have to tell me? You sounded so strange over the phone.”

It's too much. His soft voice. The sight of him, all milky skin and dark eyes. It's too much. My stomach hurts and my face cracks and I start to weep. Startled, he draws me into his arms and I tell him everything in a choked and sobbing tone. His surprise is not minimal and he rocks me gently, his shocked body recovering from all the news I have poured into it.

It is his turn to hold me. Later we will talk. But now I have to sleep.

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