I hate the phone.

Laugh all you want, I'm not joking. Making phone calls is my absolute #1 fear in life. I am terrified of calling people. Close friends aren't so bad, but I still prefer texting. A lot of people think I'm crazy and wonder how it could be so difficult to just pick up the dang phone and make a call. Well of course it's easy in theory, and most people take it for granted! I know that making phone calls is a basic life necessity, I just can't do it. I know it shouldn't be hard. I wish I could be like everyone else and just order a pizza without freaking out, or calling to find out how late a store is open, or setting up a meeting. But something must be wrong with me, because I can't.

This is how a typical phone call goes for me:

-Look at phone.
-Find something to do to procrastinate from making the call.
-Think about ideal conversation in my head.
-Practice, out loud, the anticipated conversation or (hopefully!) message.
-Look at phone again.
-Pick up phone.
-Run through conversation again.
-Picture the perfectly normal person on the other end of the phone.
-Look at phone again.
-Freak out about things I might say incorrectly, or what to do if someone strange answers the phone.
-Run through all of these possible scenarios.
-Look at phone.
-Find another something to do to procrastinate.
-Pick up phone again.
-Think for a while longer.
-Dial the number as quickly as possible before I chicken out.
-Count the rings and hold my breathe and hope nobody answers. Often accompanied by nervous symptoms such as difficulty to breathe and shaking and sweaty palms.
-Phone conversation takes place.
-Hang up, take a few moments to catch my breath and relax.
-Think about conversation, replay it in my mind, cringe at what went wrong.
-Try to forget about phone conversation.

This whole process can take anywhere from an hour to a couple of days.

I told you. I'm crazy. I

Thank God for e-mail!

<3 Shelley

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