I feel stuck in my brain.

I can't really explain it. I just... think all the time. About everything. I can't even put it into words. I am not even "with it" half the time because I'm so deep in thought. I think about people. I think about what life is for. I think about how the world began. I think about time. I think about God. I think about why people do the things they do. It's just... all the time. It drives me crazy sometimes.

<3 Shelley

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I hate the phone.

Laugh all you want, I'm not joking. Making phone calls is my absolute #1 fear in life. I am terrified of calling people. Close friends aren't so bad, but I still prefer texting. A lot of people think I'm crazy and wonder how it could be so difficult to just pick up the dang phone and make a call. Well of course it's easy in theory, and most people take it for granted! I know that making phone calls is a basic life necessity, I just can't do it. I know it shouldn't be hard. I wish I could be like everyone else and just order a pizza without freaking out, or calling to find out how late a store is open, or setting up a meeting. But something must be wrong with me, because I can't.

This is how a typical phone call goes for me:

-Look at phone.
-Find something to do to procrastinate from making the call.
-Think about ideal conversation in my head.
-Practice, out loud, the anticipated conversation or (hopefully!) message.
-Look at phone again.
-Pick up phone.
-Run through conversation again.
-Picture the perfectly normal person on the other end of the phone.
-Look at phone again.
-Freak out about things I might say incorrectly, or what to do if someone strange answers the phone.
-Run through all of these possible scenarios.
-Look at phone.
-Find another something to do to procrastinate.
-Pick up phone again.
-Think for a while longer.
-Dial the number as quickly as possible before I chicken out.
-Count the rings and hold my breathe and hope nobody answers. Often accompanied by nervous symptoms such as difficulty to breathe and shaking and sweaty palms.
-Phone conversation takes place.
-Hang up, take a few moments to catch my breath and relax.
-Think about conversation, replay it in my mind, cringe at what went wrong.
-Try to forget about phone conversation.

This whole process can take anywhere from an hour to a couple of days.

I told you. I'm crazy.

Thank God for e-mail.

<3 Shelley

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Well, hi all, this is just my entry to "break in" my site. I always feel like you have to introduce yourself to your blog before you just write in it. You know, give a reason for why you're writing and all that.

It happens to me this time every year: the itch to create a website. So here I am, making my annual update to TrueDecember. I always tell myself that I'm going to keep it updated and wonderful, but that usually doesn't happen. However I've never really had an idea for content before. I have a blog, so I figured I didn't need another one. However, my "other" blog is very personal, and I write about my day-to-day life and problems and all that fun stuff. But I often get the urge to write about other things on my mind, which may or may not be completely crazy. So that's what I'll use this website for. My crazy thoughts. :) Not to mention that updating a site you made yourself is infinitely more fun than just an ordinary blog!

I'm sure that as time goes along I'll be adding more stuff. Sometimes I dink around and make buddy icons and whatnot, so maybe I'll put some of that stuff up here. Or, you know, my site will once again go dead about a month into school. (I hope not! I'm really going to try to keep up with it!)

Thanks for stopping by and feel free to let me know what you think, or even just what you ate for breakfast this morning.

<3 Shelley

For older entries, see Blog Archive.