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OH! ALMIGHTY CELLPHONE! - (HUMOUR)
Oh! Almighty Cellphone!
Where would I be without thee?
What would I be without thee?
How would I be without thee?
Why would I be without thee?
For those who thought the above ditty comprised of
rhetorical questions, here are the answers:
1)
Totally lost! And not being able to accomplish much!
2) An Absolute Zero in today's material world!
3) Free from disturbances - anywhere and everywhere!
… Now, that's a comforting thought!
4) What a ridiculous question!
For
all its pluses, it is sometimes such a nuisance (if
my animal-lover readers would permit me to observe,
so much like a puppy that keeps following you everywhere!).
You are never too far from hearing its beeps (or whatever
audio output it is capable of dishing out!). A modern-day
Kipling, I am sure, would be so mesmerised by its
sounds in the concrete jungle that he would wax poetic
about it!
When
a Cellphone goes off in a crowd, it is so funny to
watch everyone go for their instrument, thinking that
it is theirs! So much like the scene in the Westerns,
where everyone in the bar go for their guns when they
hear a gunshot!
Pity
George Orwell isn't around, or he would have realised
that the Cellphone is the manifestation of Big Brother
who keeps a watch over you all the time. The Cellphone
is like a leash - an unlimited one that doesn't get
snagged - on its owner. The boss (be it the one who
oversees him at the workplace, or the one he is married
to!) can always keep tabs on the Cellphone owner's
movements and 'rein' him in when need arises, at any
time of the day!
No
matter how Cellphone-savvy you are, there is always
someone better than you. This goes for your Cellphone
too. No matter how hi-tech your instrument, some Cellphone
is better than yours.
Strange as it may seem, there is an anthropological
angle to it, too! This sense of one-upmanship leaves
behind many an owner with a sinking feeling of inadequacy!
Like
it or not, Cellphones are here to stay. (As long as
you have paid your dues!)
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AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF A CELLPHONE
I
am a cellphone. You must be seeing me everywhere.
With everyone. They say that I have changed the face
of the world of Communications - it can never be the
same again. It seems I have rewritten the rules. I
have noticed that nowadays, people just cannot say
that they had gone out and that that was why they
could not answer your call. No more telling lies and
trying to get away with it. Not when I'm around! Perhaps
I have brought about a certain degree of honesty in
people in my own way.
There
was a time, why, till recently, when I was considered
a status symbol. To be flaunted. But now I seem to
have made people understand they need me. Communism
may have crumbled but I have ensured a certain amount
of Equality - a degree of levelling - between man
and man. Bill Gates owns me. And so does everyone
else - rich or poor. My features may vary, but, basically,
I am there.
Sometimes,
I am made out to be a nuisance. At an opera. Or a
movie. But, please! I can't help it if my owner refuses
to set me on a silent mode, or keep me switched off.
I have provided the required feature, but the intention
has to come from my owner.
In
times of crisis, I have been appreciated for my resourcefulness
and for being handy. Summoning assistance, or conveying
news has become easier, thanks to me.
But
still, employees and teenagers feel like they are
on a leash, with the boss or the parent (as the case
may be) holding firmly onto the other end just because
of my presence.
Speaking
for myself, I am happy to be of service to Mankind…
Excuse me, please! I seem to be getting a call!
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A TREATISE
The
ever-present Cellphone has found its way into every
walk of life, without social distinctions, and can
be found in all forms everywhere. In the face of competition,
thanks to the market forces, different cell-phone
companies are facing the heat and this has led to
price-cutting across the board. Especially in India.
We have one of the cheapest tariffs in the world.
As a result, it has become so economical and affordable
that anyone and everyone who is always on the move
- from the roadside puncture-repairer, to the CEO
of an MNC spanning the globe - can own one. Of course,
there are many models and each has several features,
with the price depending on what additional functions
that it can perform. But, there will always be a model
to suit each one's pocket, in more senses than one.
We
could say that the cellphone has become Omnipresent,
Omnipotent, and has the capacity to make its owner
Omniscient (of course, only if he can afford to pay
for it!).
The
cellphone, in today's world, has become so indispensable,
that we cannot even imagine a world without them.
Doesn't it make you wonder how at all did we manage
to get on with Life without using these gadgets all
these years?
But,
whatever be the advantages, we have to consider the
price we have had to pay for this convenience. As
a result of the advent of the cellphone, hasn't the
privacy of the individual taken a beating? It has
become such that the only way to escape from its clutches
is to switch off the instrument because it follows
you everywhere otherwise. I mean, everywhere! No exceptions
at all! The situation seems so stifling. It does not
allow for elbowroom. It is so much like a spotlight
that is blazing down on you all the time. This kind
of a scary scenario makes you wonder what it must
be doing to the psyche of the individual. And as a
result, what it must be doing to the collective psyche
of Society. Till the arrival of the cellphone, the
'high and the mighty' were so inaccessible. But now,
even they are but a few clicks away! You just can't
get away. No one can.
Ever
since Alexander Graham Bell summoned his assistant,
Watson, to come over from the next room, the world
of Communications, especially the telephone, has come
a long way. One could say that the invention of the
cellphone is the culmination of the progress in the
world of Communications. Watson! The whole world has
become the next room!
Let's
face it: Cellphones are here to stay!
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A
CONDENSED TREATISE
The
ubiquitous Cellphone has pervaded into all strata
of Society in all forms everywhere. Thanks to the
price wars, it has become so affordable that everyone
on the move - from the CEO of an MNC spanning the
globe to the roadside puncture-repairer - has one.
The models and its attendant features will be different
- but, to each his own.
This
device has become Omnipresent, is Omnipotent, and
can render its owner (depending upon the model, of
course!) Omniscient.
Matters
have come to such a turn that it is well nigh impossible
to envisage a world without them. How did we ever
get on with Life without them all these years?
But
at the same time, hasn't its presence invaded into
the privacy of the individual? Unless switched off,
no one can escape its clutches and it follows you
everywhere. I mean, everywhere! Stifling. Not much
elbowroom. Like a spotlight blazing down on you. All
the time. It makes you wonder what it must be doing
to the psyche of the individual. And to the collective
psyche of Society. The hitherto inaccessible 'high
and the mighty' are but a few clicks away! You just
can't get away.
The
invention of the Cellphone is the culmination of the
progress in the world of Communications which has
come a long way since Alexander Graham Bell summoned
his assistant, Watson, to come over from the next
room. The whole world has become the next room.
Let's
face it: Cellphones are here to stay!
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FOR CHILDREN
All
of you must have seen cellphones. Some of you must
have even used them. Do you know that they are more
like radios than phones? They should actually be called
cellradios. By radio we do not mean the radio like
FM. Those are radio receivers. By radio, we mean,
the kind of radios that also allow you to talk. You
would have seen the policeman with a walkie-talkie.
These are portable radios which allow you to talk
and listen, but not at the same time. Do you know
why? Before I tell you this, I must tell you something
else. Have you dropped a stone in a bucket of water?
You would have seen the ripples. Just like these waves
in water, when a sound is made, waves pass through
the air. In the water you would have seen that sometimes,
the waves are very close to each other, and sometimes,
they are farther away. The gap between one wave and
the other is called frequency. Now, in the walkie-talkie,
the same frequency is used both for sending and receiving
messages. That is why you cannot do both at the same
time. In the cellphone, two different frequencies
are used for these two functions. So you can have
a non-stop conversation.
Isn't
it wonderful that we have cellphones today? We can
always get in touch with Dad and Mom wherever they
are. But then, they can also get in touch with us
all the time! Isn't it like you are on a leash always?
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A SCIENTIFIC STUDY
Technologically
speaking, Cellphones are radiotelephones - and very
sophisticated versions at that. The earliest radiotelephones
had a limited range of a maximum of about 50km subject
to 25 channels per central tower.
While
Walkie-talkies operate on a single frequency, only
one person can talk at a time. Cell phones use two
different frequencies - one for transmitting and one
for receiving, which is how and why an ongoing conversation
is possible. Both people can talk at the same time.
What has contributed to the cellphones' popularity
is the fact many of these can be used simultaneously
within a city because the entire area is subdivided
into cells with individual base stations, called Mobile
Base Stations, with control towers. A city could have
hundreds of such stations and these are all controlled
by a central unit called the Mobile Telephone Switching
Office (MTSO). There are Mobile Switching Centers
(MSC) which work hand-in-hand with the Mobile Base
Stations in deciding which radios to use while transmitting
a call made from the phone. As the mobile caller keeps
moving to newer cell areas, it is the job of the MSC
to ensure that the call gets re-routed seamlessly
to a new radio in that cell.
Each cell can handle about 168 different channels
and as the transmissions between the base station
and the phones within the cell do not carry very far,
the same frequencies can be used in two non-adjacent
cells in the same city without problems.
The
Home Location Register (HLR) is the database with
the subscriber's phone number, the electronic serial
number of the mobile phone, and the features that
he has subscribed to. Whenever a call is made to this
subscriber, it is routed to the home switch, which
in turn checks with the HLR as to its present location.
Based on the new location, the HLR arranges for a
Temporary Local Directory Number (TLDN) to be issued
for the subscriber for this specific call and this
is passed on to the home switch. When the visited
switch receives a call to this TLDN, it relates it
to the subscriber and transmits the call to the phone.
All this is done within a span of two seconds! When
the subscriber moves to a different location, the
HLR sends a Registration Cancellation and records
the new location.
What
we have seen so far is the very basic function of
cellphones - making and receiving calls.
Cellphones are also used for short messaging services
(SMSs), storing names with telephone numbers, reminders,
alarm, playing games, as a calculator and a plethora
of uses. Cellphones, especially of late, are becoming
more and more sophisticated with several hi-tech features
like cameras, Internet connection facilities, data
transfer, image transfer and the such. The list could
go on … and then, so, would this article.
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THROUGH THE EYES OF A TEENAGER
Cellphones?
Did you say Cellphones? And you want to know what
they mean to me? Jeez! They mean everything, man,
my existence depends on it! I can't live without
it! Roti, Kapda, Makan Aur Cellphone! I suppose
the cellphone would even take precedence over Makan!
I can't even imagine how Life would be without one!
It gives me the shivers!
What
can the people at home know how vital the cellphone
is for daily life? Without it you are, like, stranded
! Oh, My! Your lifeline is gone! How else do you suppose
my friends can tell me about the out-of-this-world
outfit they're seeing at the mall, or, what can I
ever do about the assignment to be submitted in class?
Sms, I swear, is God's boon to mankind. We survive
because of it.
But
just try explaining this to Dad … the old man
just can't grasp its significance! Would you believe
that, just because he grew up without a cellphone,
he thinks that they are a waste! Cellphones, a waste?
Blasphemy!!
But
at the same time, when some guests drop in at home
and he wants me pronto, he calls me on my cell! Double
standards, I tell you!
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POETICALLY YOURS
Oh,
dear me! What do I do?
My SIM card has lost its talk value.
I have to pass through Life silently,
Till I renew.
They
told me then, again and again,
Never, never, let such a thing come through.
Always see to it your connection is live
And Communication is never an issue.
Remember
Romeo and Juliet,
Had they but had cellphones, in the days past,
Their tragic ending could have been
Changed to happy at last!
I
have now learnt my lesson
And ne'er will I be
Caught on the wrong foot
Woe betide me!
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