[20:03] Some guidelines:
[20:03] -The Moderators/Facilitators will start out with a general background or storey,
[20:03] Consider it a “This could happen to you kind of thing. “
[20:03] -At the end of this discussion /storey the moderators will ask a few general questions
[20:03] and open things up for discussion.
[20:04] - To facilitate equal share the moderators will ask that you signify that you have
[20:04] some input by simply doing a “!” in channel. The moderators will call you in
[20:04] turn. Please do “End!” or some other way to signify you have finished your thought.
[20:04] -To keep things on track expect that you may get summarized and discussion
[20:04] moved on to a different topic area. Please do not feel you are not important or
[20:04] your input is not important. It is just for the sake of time, since we are somewhat
[20:04] limited in time and must keep the discussion going. If this topic has enough
[20:04] interest it can be covered again later.
[20:04] -At the end of the summary there will be some links that are useful and
[20:04] Informative as well.
[20:04] - Copies of this discussion will be made available with out the names of all
[20:04] parties for the sake of safety and security.
[20:04] that is pretty much the same as before
[20:05] when I am sure that all don't need it I will par it down
[20:05] -Many old and new to D/s, BDSM, S/M will encounter problems of depression or
[20:05] feelings of distress physical or mental, sometimes after an intense session
[20:05] or play. Both sides of that coin my expiernce a feeling of being out of sorts
[20:05] Dom and sub alike.
[20:06] okay the storey line is short and sweet...and I am still using Jack and jill until someone uses that nick
[20:07] Jack and Jill just engaged in a very intense session of play. Now both are weary,
[20:07] and emotionally and physically depeleted but still somewhat euphoric.
[20:07] Okay what do you think is the first thing that they should do?
[20:07] !
[20:07] sub1 please
[20:07] take time to step out of role and relax and gather thoughts?
[20:07] !
[20:08] !
[20:08] end!
[20:08] okay I agree with ya
[20:08] Dom1 please
[20:09] i think she sould step out side .. and have a smoke ?... just kidding trying to get the hang of this is all ...... END
[20:09] !END
[20:09] * Moderator chuckles
[20:09] * sub2 chuckles.
[20:09] Domme1 please
[20:09] i would divert my attention to the bottom and give them a sense of comfort and safety
[20:09] end!
[20:10] !
[20:10] Dom2 please
[20:10] i agree Domme1 Ma'am.
[20:10] i myslef tend to cuddle the girl and talk softly while stroking her hair reasuring her that she did well end
[20:10] !
[20:11] okay we all are in agreement that we need to comfort the individual in some manner ... in a kind and reassuring manner in or out of role
[20:11] sub1 please
[20:11] in what little exp i have i have felt that also letting the top know that he has very much made her feel safe and ...
[20:12] !
[20:12] that he or she has allowed her the time to be able to talk and reasure tehm that they also have none well
[20:12] !
[20:12] end!
[20:12] Definitely sub1:)
[20:13] yes that reassurance is always good..... Domme1 please
[20:13] after an intense scene I will usually warp my boi in a blanket or soemthing else warm
[20:14] end
[20:14] wrap
[20:14] yes taking care of the physical and emotional needs
[20:15] ok i see what yall are talking about .... i think it should be the honor of the Free to .. maby like i have done get a cool warsh cloth and warsh the subs face... whipeing the sweat and tears away .. also cooling them down .. and softly talk to them .... about how it all went ...trying to make them feel wanted .. and pleaseing
[20:15] !end
[20:15] !
[20:15] okay so far we have talked about the emotional issues and some of the immediate physical needs
[20:15] Dom3 please
[20:16] nods nods
[20:16] !
[20:16] doesnt matter what kind of relationship, the afterglow... the after play.. whatever you wish to call it... is and can be just as fulfilling as the acts itself,
[20:16] 1end
[20:16] !
[20:17] Okay so both benefit from this "after play time" or as I call it aftercare
[20:17] sub1 please
[20:17] i think after a long entense scene a good amount of rest should take place...
[20:17] end!
[20:18] i think
[20:18] sorry
[20:18] !
[20:18] yeah sub1, calm is a part of it
[20:18] well yes that is key but usually not one of those go off into your room and sleep alone kinda things. Usually this is the time for cuddlin a dn emotional and physical care
[20:19] !
[20:19] agree:)
[20:19] sub2 please
[20:19] Mistress is wonderful with Her aftercare, but i would like to add that, especially for a painslut like me, physical aftercare is extremely important.
[20:20] !
[20:20] very good sub2 and I am sorry I missed you Domme2 please
[20:20] end!
[[20:20] I know for me personally I need to make sure that any damage done (ie: cuts) are taking care of
[20:20] !end
[20:21] * Dom4` listens with a very intent and serious expression to the conversation
[20:21] As does Mistress, yes, She brings it all together.
[20:21] very very good both of you this is a time for both the emotional and physical needs to be looked after
[20:21] depending on the type of play involved
[20:21] Dom1 please
[20:22] after 10...15 mins i would look there body over for cuts ... and marks .. to see if they needed looked after as to not puss up and get infected.. then i would have her/him .. go and soke in the tub as i cleaned up ....a away time to ... reflect on what has happend .. i think
[20:22] !end
[20:22] i like that Dom1
[20:23] Smiles
[20:23] Okay so tend to any play related issues, ointments and salves applied
[20:23] !
[20:23] sub2 please
[20:23] !
[20:23] Mistress actually RAN a bath for me and washed me while telling how well i had done for Her, it was so gentle and caring, i felt very very appreciated.
[20:24] !
[20:24] * Moderator smiles
[20:24] !
[20:24] It is about creating an atmosphere where one can consider what they have learned during the scene as well i think
[20:24] !end
[20:24] Okay sub4 please
[20:25] !
[20:25] !
[20:25] !
[20:25] i understand that there are many needs.. emotional.. physical.. one of great importance that i know You, Master, tend to explicitly is hydrating again afterward... making sure i have enough to drink
[20:26]
[20:26] very good hydrating and replentishing energy reserves are very important
[20:26] sub5 please
[20:26] !
[20:27] so they are next
[20:27] Thank you, Moderator, Sir
[20:28] i know here for example we tend to give aftercare thru out a scene such as the love and emotional support telling the girl how go they are doing as even when they are flying they are aware and can hear you but most important is the blanket afterwards as most times nerves and such will cause them to shiver as well
[20:28] end
[20:28] very good!
[20:28] * sub6 smiles
[20:28] yes hypothermia can set in easy with an intense play.
[20:28] sub8 please
[20:28] yes well said sub5.
[20:29] Thank you, Moderator, Sir
[20:29] I have found that Top-drop is a very serious condition that gets far too little discussion and attention... while it is true that the submissive is very vulnerable after an intense session and needs much care, that is usually quite immediate and obvious... the Top often is buzzed by the power of the experience and doesn't often experience a drop until the next day... it has been my way to lavish my Dom with extraordin
[20:29] !end
[20:29] Did that cut off?
[20:29] Dom with extraordin
[20:29] Dom with extraordin
[20:29] yes at Dom with extrodinary attention
[20:29] my Dom with extraordinary care, appreciation and service the morning after a session
[20:29] !end
[20:30] * sub2 grins
[20:30] very very valid point sub8
[20:30] sub8 please
[20:30] im not sure if anyone else has mentioned this, but aftercare is also important after online scening. there may not be physical bruising and cuts, but there is a lot of emotional needs that have to be taken care of. it is very distressing to go through an intense online scene and be left hanging after.
[20:30] end
[20:30] excellent
[20:31] yes even online requires some aftercare as well
[20:31] point
[20:31] sub6 please
[20:31] being a pain slut and i love to "fly" the after care to me is important touch wise.. to know i am not alone.. that the care is there .. the tenderness .. to know i did good and was pleasing .. and to know i am being taken care of after as far as checking for marks and such
[20:31] end
[20:31] good job sub6
[20:31] !
[20:31] Grins, exactly sub6:)
[20:32] sub7 please (then Dom4`)
[20:32] tY DM Sir, many times aftercare takes prior preparation...hydration, minor first aide, warming blankets, and general discussion of what is expected by both
[20:32] end
[20:32] !
[20:32] * Dom3 whispers, Thank You to all, needs to go for a bit
[20:32] excellent pre-planning what care to do is important...you do not want to have to run to the store for stuff when after care is needed
[20:33] Dom4` please
[20:33] I just wanted to point out with respect to emotional support that I think it is very important, particularly after a very intense scene, that the Dom/me allow and encourage eye contact between the two, especially if the scene involved averting eye contact for the sub.. because this helps foster connection between the two and that helps in the reassurance department
[20:34] Well said, Dom4`, Sir
[20:34] yes good point
[20:34] nite all
[20:34] !
[20:34] sub1 please then sub5
[20:35] Nods, very good point.
[20:35] how long does the aftercare need to be for i am learning i am still up for a few days but pshyically tired and how long should it be before you scene again on these conditions? not sure if that question plays in...end!
[20:35] I use a rule of thumb that the entire thing should at least be 2 times as long as the play
[20:35] but that is a thumb rule
[20:35] and it actually goes for days afterwards
[20:36] ty:)
[20:36] damn get back here here sub6 i owe yu 7 more day saftercare
[20:36] lol
[20:36] LOL RUNNING
[20:36] sub5 please
[20:36] aftercare doesnt always mean right directly after as well but even a few days after a scene as sometimes the emotions and all can suddenly become very overwhelming to a girl
[20:36] lol
[20:36] !
[20:36] end
[20:38] yes follow ups are important for both
[20:38] sub4 please
[20:38] really just a repetition of some comments just made... but i already have it typed out.. so... lol
[20:38] just a note that tho there are immediate aftercare needs that we're discussing.... it's important to know also that those needs continue (maybe not as intense but are still there)... later in the day... the next day... etc. aftercare isn't just the half hour.. or hour.. or 90 minutes.. after a scene and then it's done... it depends upon the individuals but could be much longer
[20:38] !
[20:39] Dom5 please
[20:39] for me I am finding it very important to let my sub feel my presence physically and emotionally....
[20:39] very good and part of that comes from knowing each other
[20:39] I am always willing to carry this on for as long as she needs it even if it ....
[20:40] goes for days after.
[20:40] end!
[20:40] * Moderator smiles excellent
[20:40] kind leads into my next question
[20:40] Is there one size fits all aftercare? Why or why not?
[20:40] !
[20:40] sub6 please
[20:40] !
[20:41] !
[20:41]
[20:41] no everyone is different in their wants and needs as far as play ..which leads to difference in after care.. i knowi fly and need the time after .. where as i know others who can come right out of it after a session .. depends ont he people.. and either way some sort of after care is needed .. just in different forms
[20:41] end
[20:42] wow not to many typos .. i am so proud of myself
[20:42] !
[20:42] sub2 please
[20:42] Thank you Moderator. I just wanted to add that duriing aftercare is an excellent time for the Dom/me and sub to discuss the scene as well, both are feeling safe and comfortable and that atmosphere is supportive for that kind of discussion, its essential to them learning each O/other i think.
[20:43] um end! :)
[20:43] proud of you too sub6:D
[20:43] Most Excellent sub2 saved me from mentioning the after play discussion of what went good and not so good or wrong
[20:43] giggles
[20:43] you peek at my guide sub2
[20:43] whoops sorry Sir.
[20:43] lol
[20:43] LOL honest Sir i didn't
[20:43] eep
[20:43] am i in trouble?
[20:43] nah
[20:43] laughs
[20:44] i think Mistress spoils me.
[20:44] Just to add to what sub6 said.... it also depends on the type of play..... i know in my on instances... with first Dom i was ever with it was intense to say the least and aftercare went on for a few days... so in my opinion not just whom you are with but the type of scene you are in
[20:44] !end
[20:46] yes there is no one type of aftercare...it needs to be discussed and covered when you are planning your play what is needed and how much and do not rush the after care anymore than you would the play
[20:46] Dom2 please
[20:46] no there is not sub5 just pops right out of sub space and is fine with in 5 minutes others i have been with take a lot longer so it is all subjective to the girl and her needs ....end
[20:47] very good point
[20:47] sub1 please
[20:48] some need alot of time because they are more emtional ..
[20:48] and others are not .. end!
[20:48] okay and something that no one has mentioned is there are those that need the curl in the corner and do not touch but wait for them to come to you in a little while with their blanket
[20:49] that is a good point too!
[20:49] very true
[20:49] nope never even thought of that one never been around that before but very interesting
[20:49] at no point do you leave them alone at all just give them some space and let them come to you
[20:49] I have and it was a real effort to not touch for that period
[20:49] Excellent point, Moderator, Sir
[20:49] !
[20:50] some intense hand sitting
[20:50] * sub7 is like that..and it often offends the Dom
[20:50] smiles
[20:50] sub1 please
[20:50] to add to that Sir Moderator... you have to know that is the kind of bottom you have for if not she will think you ae not caring...
[20:50] end!
[20:51] yes you can not assume I was told in advance to cover her up and let her come to me when she was ready
[20:51] * sub1 smiles and understands that :)
[20:52] !
[20:52] okay here I have another question for you I sorta alluded to it....but Dom5 first please
[20:52] I found that in aftercare if I listen to my sub she will tell me what she needs....
[20:53] but sometimes she cant
[20:53] oosp sorry
[20:53] also talking her actions and movements tell me...
[20:54] I always do my best to talk to her gently and pay attention
[20:54] end!
[20:55] !
[20:55] yes you may have to follow the physical clues and not always get the vocal ones.... sub6 is correct sometimes speech is not possible
[20:55] grins
[20:55] sometimes you have to be attentive to the physical clies
[20:55] clues
[20:55] sub10
[20:55] please
[20:55] thanks you
[20:56] sometimes the Dom/me has to be taught ...i am with a Dom who frankly....sucks at it
[20:56] its not that he doesnt care....he does love me.....
[20:56] but hes not all cuddly....
[20:57] Well true that is where to open discussion of what each other's needs before and after come in
[20:57] and rather than feeling alone....i have to nudge him.,..explain what i need
[20:57]