~Before we go full force into open form I want to take time to discuss/define the topic. We will be taking a look at Polyamorous relationships. Rather this be as a slave or that you are just into multiple partners. Definitions Is it cheating What about jealousy Roles (first slave, second, primary, secondary ..etc) How to best make it work ~Please remember that we are all entitled to an opinion, there is to be no bashing, judging, criticizing, flame and so on. All terms are general terms/blanket terms. We are not going to define fully all roles per say that there are of a Poly Relationship. ~you can receive I document (must be able to get a dcc) on various relationship terms by doing !lovestyles or http://f2.grp.yahoofs.com/v1/AN05Qxn1IUqXk-mCKmXuuB2QPR6ikBwZGiorBU47O9vec8nzApbvbHCaxBHKbFZgg90SNJ89R1GW_hJOnYSPvQ/Lovestyles.doc ~For forms of poly relationships, described in more detail do (must be able to get a dcc) !Polyrelationship or http://f6.grp.yahoofs.com/v1/AN05QxzlbsaXk-mCPJVHVtuy0AfShRq_JVelf9T7aAnnGla9t8hHBHMhIPuFGzJpEI_7uSK9WNi8ILxcZBYorw/Polyrelationship.doc ~The first section is the definition. All relationships that have multiple are Polyamory. Rather this be bf/gf, hubbie/wife, Dom/sub, Master/slave and so on. ~What Polyamory means is "loving more than one". Poly being Greek meaning Many and armor is Latin for Love. This can be sexual, emotional, spiritual, or any combination thereof, according to the desires and agreements of each individuals involved. ~Polyamorous is also used as a descriptive term by individuals who are open to more than one relationship even if they are not currently involved in more than one. ~Open relationship and Polyamorous are not the same. ~Some relationships place strict restrictions on partners (e.g. polyfidelity); such relationships are polyamorous, but not open. ~Some relationships permit sex outside the primary relationship, but not love (ex. swinging); such relationships are open, but not polyamorous. ~Some polyamorists do not accept the dichotomies (dividing into two especially mutually exclusive or contradictory groups or entities) ~However, there is enough overlap between the two concepts that open relationship is sometimes used as a catch-all substitute when speaking to people who may not be familiar with polyamory. ~To bring this into a D/s realm it is desired to break it into two groups. (Top,Domme,Dom/sub) and (Mistress, Master/slave). I think it is important to realize a couple things about a submissive vs slave. ~ A submissive renews the choice to submit every time a demand is levied upon her. A slave makes a one-time choice to submit, up front, and thereafter it is incumbent upon her to obey. ~A submissive chooses to submit and has the option to say 'no' in at least one aspect of her life. ~A slave commits to obey. A 'no' becomes a deal breaker in a way it can never be for a submissive. ~But it should be known up front they are entering a poly relationship and discuss what role they will be playing. ~Once the slave comments it isn’t in her to chose who will enter or to say no the full trust is in the Master/Mistress. They may be allowed to express the opinions but it is not a choice for them. A sub will have more of a choice in who is brought in and agree or disagree to it. ~ Ok for the first couple of issues that come up are they cheating and jealousy. We are going to look at cheating first. Isn’t having multiple partners considered cheating? ~I don’t want to discuss this yet - but would love to get opinions. Just state what you feel - is it cheating and why. Then we will get the definition of cheating. After that we will open the floor up for 15 minutes to discuss this. ~ Cheating means "fraud, deceit, swindling ~In other words, an individual who is cheating does the action/thought with deliberate intentions to deceive/lie/mislead another. ~Individuals who are in are Poly will not do so by deceit or lies. They are up front and you will find that things such as honest, negotiate, and communication are important and valued. ~Most polyamorists emphasize respect for all partners. Withholding information back or even the Omission of info and Don't ask, don't tell agreement are frowned upon, because it implies that partners cannot handle the truth or trust those they love to keep their commitments. ~Now with that in mind is an individual who desires or claims to be Poly looking for a relationship where they can cheat or is it considered cheating. ~What about jealousy? Does it happen? How is it handled? ~Jealousy is neither a proof of love nor a moral failing. It is an emotion that should be discussed and often when listen to will subside. ~Some people seem to have no jealousy; others, including some long-term polyamorists, feel jealousy. Jealousy isn’t a sign of failure. It is something that should be addressed though. ~A partner's partners should be accepted as part of that person's life rather than merely tolerated. If they are tolerated verse accepted the jealousy will arise. ~At no time should jealousy rear it’s ugly head during a scene and or chosen activity. The issue should be addressed yes but after the scene. ~People in conventional relationships often agree not to seek other relationships under any circumstances, as they would threaten, dilute or substitute for the primary relationship. It is a one on one Your Mine concept. ~Individuals in a Poly relationship tend to view it as If you love something, set them free, if they come back they are yours, if not they never were. This takes a great deal of trust and belief in the relationship. ~So how do you handle the jealousy? What are some ways that you all have handled your jealousy. ~I will find something to do, read a log or a card something that reminds me that he loves me, while he is with another I will find things to do that will be pleasing to him. ~Roles in a Poly relationship will very based upon what is agreed on. The main type would be to have a Primary/First position and all others follow behind such as Secondary/second slave and so on. ~Primary/first slave - is generally the person whom was there first. They have been with the individual the longest and or they are who the is placed first in all thoughts and considerations ~ the one is most strongly bonded. ~In some cases this bond or commitment takes the form of legal marriage. As bigamy is not legal, the option of having two (or more) legally wedded primaries simultaneously is not currently practicable, though non-legal ceremonies may certainly be performed. ~And as stated a moment ago in some cases it is as simple as the primary refers to the lover with the most seniority. ~Secondary/second slave - their may be a bond that is as strong often enters into the relationship after the first bond has been developed. ~The roles of a primary or secondary will very based upon what is agreed on. It is in my opinion the primaries roll to assist in making the secondary welcomed into the family. ~How to get it all to work - what hasn’t worked for you Fully open for what has worked in the past for you or hasn’t. It is my belief that a primary should be friends to all others and guide them. They should have enough trust in the partner that they know they wouldn’t bring in an individual that would hurt the relationship. Most important Communication. Be open and honest.