Unfortunately, Bad meetings happen all the time.
For many of you going out on your first meeting with either your Master or Mistress (Dom or Domme)....the following is the information that we as your Safecall NEED. Being a Safecall is a very serious responsibility, and it is up to us to try and make your visit with your prospective Master safe. We can only do this with the right information should something go amiss. Remember..if this IS your first time...make sure the meeting is in a PUBLIC place and that you do NOT plan on ''playing or sceneing''. This should be used as a time to get to know each other on a more personal level; to see the eyes, the body language, and the chemistry between you work in person and not just online or the phone. To be truly careful, there should be more than one meeting before getting serious. Remember, talking online and speaking on the phone are great ways to get to know each other but you don't ''truly'' know each other until you've met and talked with each other face to face. You may even meet and be surprised by the lack of chemistry that was so prevalent online. You don't play or become intimate on the first meet because you don't really know them, not really, you don't know their style of playing or even if it is what you want. No matter how anxious you are for your first session or how sexually aroused you are Think of ''YOU'' first and the family and friends left behind should something happen. Yes...there is nothing more magical than a solid M/s relationship, built on trust, honor, respect and communication. My wish for you is that you find it but as always, I caution you.
There are two ways to make a Safecall work. 1.) One way is to have you call them, and given 15 minutes to either side of the appropriate time. Make SURE the call comes through. We know and understand that you can get ''tied'' up which is why the flexibility on the time but if you DON'T call, then it is our responsibility to call the local police to investigate why you haven't called. 2.) The other way is for you and your prospective Master to agree to have your Safecall call you....{imho....I like this way better} at an unspecified time....to make sure you both are safe. Four safe calls during your visit is usually adequate. Once to let us know you have gotten there, once sometime in the middle of the meeting, once when you are leaving, and once when you are safely home. In any case, we need to be able to talk with you and if we can't, again, it's our responsibly to get hold of the local authorities and have them investigate. Do not assume it is alright that we have spoken to your partner, if we can not speak with you personally, the cops WILL be called.
Be Safe: Don't use unprotected sex unless you are committed to each other and see no one else. Preferably with paperwork for recent (within a month) testing for HIV, hepatitis, syphilis, gonorrhea, and herpes. I realize this is something that some people feel offended by being asked for, but isn’t it worth your own health? Remember, you may be single now, but you MUST protect your health for your future Master’s use. Wouldn't he be angry to find that you cared so little for yourself that you placed your health in jeopardy, or possibly carried something over to a future relationship?
Be Sane: For those BDSM sessions, don't try things like the violet wand or nipple clamps right off the bat.....those are things that can damage if not used properly....Respect yourself first!! Yes, I have had what I consider to be "submissive frenzies" it’s where you crave to experience everything! The only problem is that "most" Master’s wielding those tools of delicious delight have no clue what they are doing! There are three main areas, if you do play, that the Master should not hit with any implement. These areas are the neck, kidney areas, and tailbone. Remember those delicious frenzies? You wont be too fanatical about it after being hit in these areas! Occasionally, mistakes happen and the strike goes astray. This does happen, but it should be the exception, not the norm.
Finally, make sure that no matter what happens between you that it is Informed Consent; meaning you have ''BOTH'' talked about it and you understand what it means. Just because your partner has experience it does NOT mean it is right for you! If it's not Consensual, it is ABUSE!! No matter how much the Master complains that a “real slave” wouldn’t hesitate, if you have concerns, get out. It is your body, your mind, and your health at stake.
The following is the information needed, and if either of you can't give this information to each other and to your Safecall then you need to seriously rethink the meeting. Sharing is what M/s, D/s is about, not hiding, and the information from the two of you should be honest and forthcoming. A Master will be open and honest with you. If he is not, leave, run, do not meet him.
One final thing, please, I ask for the local telephone number for the police dept because if you are there and I'm here 911 won't work. That means I need the area code and the number. ;-)
Feel free to copy and paste the information and send it back to your Safecall. Take it to heart and save the info to favorite places and make a folder for him/her and/or Print it out and give it to your Safecall{s}.
P.S...What are your Safewords??
(Of course, within the Gorean setting, slaves don’t use safewords, but on initial meetings, until you feel completely able to trust the Master, you have to withhold your full submission. Not to mention S&M is highly unusual in a Gorean context, so if he can mix the lifestyles, then you can add your safeword.)
******************************************************************************************
INFORMATION ABOUT THE MASTER:
Full Name:
Date of Birth:
Home Address:
City/State:
Home Phone Number : {area code} then number (call to verify and NOT at a specified time with him, he should be more than willing to have you call at anytime if he has nothing to hide. Did his wife that you didnt know about answer the phone?????)
Cell/Work Phone Number: (call to verify)
Screen Names:
Chat programs:
Work Name:
Telephone Number:
Work Address:
City/State
Vehicle Information (VIN and license) (You can look up the information for a small fee on Carfax)
Kind of Car/Van/Truck:
Year:
Color:
License plate number:
State of Registration:
Physical Description :
How old.............hair color....................... height............. weight.............
A picture of him/her would be nice too.
*******************
ABOUT YOU:
Your Full Name
Date of Birth
Home Address
City/State
Home Phone Number:
Your Work Place and address City/State
Your Work Number:
Physical Description of you including a recent picture:..........age....hair.....height and weight
MEETING PLACE: (include phone number and address)
What is the Phone number to the Local Police Dept....{Area Code} and number:
Will you have other Safecalls? {more than one is good} Who are they? (they should each have the other’s contact information)
Name:
Phone Number:
Screen names:
Who else knows about your meeting?
Where are you meeting?
Address of Meeting Place:
Phone number of Meeting Place:
When are you meeting?
Will you be meeting alone or with someone else in a group?
How long do you plan on being together?
When are you expecting to come back from the meeting?
Now that we're through asking for your life History, go and have a wonderful time as you explore and we'll feel better knowing that information. It will NOT be shared with anyone but tucked aside for safe keeping JUST in case.
Be Safe...Be Sane...and always let it Be Consensual!!!!!!
This was taken off a web page sarishia frequently refers newbies to.
Within your world on mIRC, AW, or other chat programs, there will be Masters(Doms), Mistresses(Domme's) and/or slaves who you should discuss this with and arrange to be each other’s Safecall. Don’t have just one, make sure there are several people who will check with each other during your visit.
This was written years ago when a good friend of ours on AW, named faith, was killed by a man named John Robinson, in Kansas, but it still applies today. In a side note: Id like to say, thank you faith, your death was never in vain, you taught many of us just how important those safe calls are. Not just on the first meeting, but for several afterwards. Especially for the first couple weeks after moving to be with someone, safe calls should still be made, until you are satisfied you are safe. Suzette Trouton was a wonderful girl. She has been sorely missed by those who knew and remember her. She did her safe calls. Sadly, she didn’t have a network of people checking with each other and asking about her, until it was too late. As it was, her Safecall did become suspicious and began the investigation of John Robinson or he would probably still be out there murdering those of us he came in contact with. Please remember; never sign blank sheets of paper! and Never give a new Master your passwords for your emails. I don’t care how much control you wish to turn over, some things are not negotiable. This is to insure that those who love you are not deceived into believing you are safe when you may be in danger.
One other thing I can say is; Some Master’s are just arrogant assholes. Remember, it’s not always the first meeting where things turn sour. Usually, if the Master has any brains, the first meeting goes well. It is only when you’ve relaxed your guard that things turn bad.
Another issue that comes up is, what happens if the Master orders you to do something unsafe, or that makes you uncomfortable? Aren’t you supposed to do it regardless of whether you want to or not? The simple answer is...Absolutely NOT!
I’ll tell you a case in point.
Today is Jan 23, 2006. This incident happened Dec 31, 2005! Oh yes, even us wise and experienced submissives can get put into tricky situations. I had been hanging out with a Dom friend of mine for a couple weeks. Playing cards, going bowling, going to the bar, etc. Well, yes I was a tad nervous about a few things, but I’m collared and Master had approved that he was alright to hang out with as a friend. No worries, right? Wrong! He invited me and my daughter to go to a bowling alley, the kid could have some fun and there was a small gathering of friends going into the bar area. Cool. Towards the end of the night, He walked over and grabbed me by the hair and pulled me over to his buddy and offers me to give this guy a blowjob! Hold up! What the hell did he just say????? He’s kidding right? Unfortunately, he wasn’t. I made a point of saying I had to check on my kid and go to the bathroom and got the hell out of dodge! But guess what? I just went against what Master said...that I was to obey this guy since he was looking out for me. Well, the issue here is. Master didn’t give him permission to loan me out to anyone else. Not to mention, my child was there!
Sometimes as a submissive you have to say no, or sneak out, or whatever. It’s ok. It is always better to say no and leave than to do something that could give you HIV or other diseases or harm you otherwise. Just because he beats his chest and cries out warrior style "Im the Dom! (interpreted as "Im the Dummy) you submissive!(interpreted as "you just stupid female)" doesn’t mean he’s got the brains God gave a maggot. Take care of yourself first until such time as you have built the trust and communication necessary to give up your control to him. The other point is, any Master who offers you their collar right away, doesn’t know what it means to seriously claim another. You need to put distance between you and any man that offers an instant collar.
if you have any questions feel free to message me. littletorment@yahoo.com
Good luck and God Bless you in your search.
Information on John Robinson: http://www.crimelibrary.com/serial_killers/predators/john_robinson/index.html
Offender Tracking Information System (Michigan): http://www.state.mi.us/mdoc/asp/otis2.html
Sexual Offender's Registry: http://www.state.mi.us/mdoc/asp/otis2.html