Season Two:
"School Hard"
Spike: Oh, please! If every vampire who said he was at the crucifixion was actually there, it would have been like Woodstock.... I was actually at Woodstock. That was a weird gig. I fed off a flowerperson, and I spent the next six hours watchin' my hand move.
"Becoming (pt 1)"
Spike: It's a big rock. I can't wait to tell my friends. They don't have a rock this big.
"Becoming (pt 2)"
Spike: We like to talk big. Vampires do. 'I'm going to destroy the world.' That's just tough guy talk. Strutting around with your friends over a pint of blood. The truth is, I like this world. You've got... dog racing, Manchester United. And you've got people. Billions of people walking around like Happy Meals with legs.
Buffy: The whole earth may be sucked into Hell, and you want my help 'cause your girlfriend's a big ho? Well, let me take this opportunity to not care.
Spike: I can't fight them both alone, and neither can you!
Buffy: I hate you.
Spike: And I'm all you've got.
Season Three:
"Lover's Walk"
Spike: [To Willow, about Dru]She wouldn't even kill me. She just left. She didn't even care enough to cut off my head or set me on fire. I mean, is that too much to ask? You know? Some little sign that she cared? It was that truce with Buffy that did it. Dru said I'd gone soft. Wasn't demon enough for the likes of her. And I told her it didn't mean anything, I was thinking of her the whole time, but she didn't care. So, we got to Brazil, and she was... she was just different. I gave her everything: beautiful jewels, beautiful dresses with beautiful girls in them, but nothing made her happy. And she would fliiirt! I caught her on a park bench, making out with a chaos demon! Have you ever seen a chaos demon? They're all slime and antlers. They're disgusting. She only did it to hurt me. So I said, 'I'm not putting up with this anymore.' And she said, 'Fine!' And I said, 'Yeah, I've got an unlife, you know!' And then she said... she said we could still be friends. God, I'm so unhappy!
Spike: You're not friends. You'll never be friends. You'll be in love till it kills you both. You'll fight, and you'll shag, and you'll hate each other till it makes you quiver, but you'll never be friends. Love isn't brains, children, it's blood... blood screaming inside you to work its will. I may be love's bitch, but at least I'm man enough to admit it.
Spike: I'm really glad I came here, you know? I've been all wrongheaded about this. Weeping, crawling, blaming everybody else. I want Dru back, I've just gotta be the man I was, the man she loved. I'm gonna do what I shoulda done in the first place: I'll find her, wherever she is, tie her up, torture her until she likes me again. Love's a funny thing.
Season Four:
"The Harsh Light of Day"
Harmony: How's my little Blondie bear?
Spike: Harm, does this look like a good time?
Harmony: Are you gonna kill Willow tonight? Cause I want you to say, 'This is for messing with my sweet girl.' And then, you know.
Spike: Nobody knows I'm here. And I'm not killing the slayer's best friend because that would tend to announce my presence. And we're too bloody close.
Harmony: But you almost killed her last year. Suddenly it's a big deal?
Spike: SOD OFF! Now go eat something, I've got work to do.
Spike: So, let's have a look at the new boy.
Parker: Hi, I'm Parker.
Spike: He's got. What's the word? Vulnerability.
Buffy: And you with Harmony. What'd you do? Loose a bet?
Buffy: What's the matter Spike? Dru dump you again?
Spike: Maybe I left her.
Harmony: She left him for a fungus demon. That's all he talks about most days.
Harmony: Is Antonio Banderas a vampire?
Spike: No.
Harmony: Can I make him a vampire?
Spike: No. On second thought, yes. Go do that. Take your time. Do Melanie and the kids as well.
Harmony: Hey, I don't have a pulse. Cool. Hey, can we eat a doctor so we can get a stethoscope and hear my heart not beating?
Spike: Harm! Will you shut the hell up?!
Spike: Harm, what are you doing?
Harmony: I'm writing Spike loves Harmony on your back.
Spike: Why?
Harmony: I don't know, it's fun. I'm bored. You can write on me.
Spike: I've got to get back to work.
Harmony: You love that tunnel more than me.
Spike: I love syphilis more than you.
Spike: So, you let Parker take a poke, eh? Didn't seem like you know each other that well. What did it take to pry apart the Slayer's dimpled knees?
Buffy: You're a pig Spike.
Spike: Did he play the sensitive lad and get you to seduce him? That's a good trick if the girls thick enough to buy it. I wonder what went wrong. Were you too strong? Did you bruise the boy? Come to think of it seems like someone told me that. Who was it? Oh, yeah. Angel.
"The Initiative"
Spike: I don't understand. This sort of thing's never happened to me before.
Willow: Maybe you were nervous.
Spike: I felt all right when I started. Let's try again. Ow! Oh! Ow! Damn it!
Willow: Maybe you're trying too hard. Doesn't this happen to every vampire?
Spike: Not to me, it doesn't!
Willow: It's me, isn't it?
Spike: What are you talking about?
Willow: Well, you came looking for Buffy, then settled. I -- I... You didn't want to bite me. I just happened to be around.
Spike: Piffle!
Willow: I know I'm not the kind of girl vamps like to sink their teeth into. It's always like, "ooh, you're like a sister to me," or, "oh, you're such a good friend."
Spike: Don't be ridiculous. I'd bite you in a heartbeat.
Willow: Really?
Spike: Thought about it.
Willow: When?
Spike: Remember last year, you had on that... Fuzzy pink number with the lilac underneath?
Willow: I never would have guessed. You played the blood-lust kinda cool.
Spike: Mmm. I hate being obvious. All fang-y and "rrrr!" Takes the mystery out.
Willow: But if you could....
Spike: If I could, yeah.
Willow: You know, this doesn't make you any less terrifying.
Spike: Don't patronize me.
"Pangs"
Spike: Oh, damn it! Look, I'm safe. I can't bite anyone. Willow, tell 'em what I did.
Willow: You said you were gonna kill me, then Buffy.
Spike: Yes, bad, but let's skip that part and get to the part where I couldn't bite you.
Willow: It's true. He had trouble performing.
Spike: Yeah, well, it looks like they've done me for good. Um....
Buffy: What are you saying?
Spike: I'm saying that Spike had a little trip to the vet and now he doesn't chase the other puppies anymore. I can't bite anything. I can't even hit people.
Buffy: So you haven't murdered anybody lately? Let's be best pals.
Spike: Oh, someone put a stake in me.
Xander: You got a lot of volunteers in here.
Spike: I just can't take all this mamby-pamby boo-hooing about the bloody Indians.
Buffy: Uh, the preferred term --
Spike: You won. All right? You came in and you killed them and you took their land. That's what conquering nations do. It's what Caesar did, and he's not going around saying, 'I came, I conquered, I felt really bad about it.' The history of the world isn't people making friends. You had better weapons, and you massacred them. End of story.
Spike: You exterminated his race. What could you possibly say that would make him feel better? It's kill or be killed here. Take your bloody pick.
Xander: Maybe it's the syphilis talking, but... Some of that made sense.
Giles: I made these points earlier, but fine, no one listens to me.
Buffy: A bear!
Spike: You made a bear!
Buffy: I didn't mean to.
Spike: Undo it! Undo it!
"Something Blue"
Giles: Look, look, Spike... we have no intention of killing a harmless.. uh, creature.. but we have to know what's been done to you. We can't let you go until we're sure that you're... impotent....
Spike: Hey!
Giles: Sorry, poor choice of words. Until we're sure you're, you're....
Buffy: Flaccid?
Spike: You are one step away, missy.
Buffy: Giles, help! He's going to scold me.
Buffy: You want something nicer? Look at my poor neck. All bare and tender and exposed... all that blood just pumping away...
Giles: Oh, please.
Spike: Giles, make her stop.
Giles: If those two don't kill each other, I might lend a hand.
Spike: Come on, now! It's telly time!
Answering Machine: This is Buffy and Willow. We're not in right now, so please leave a message.
Giles: Oh, uh, Willow... It's Giles. Um... I thought you were bringing the ingredients for that spell. I really have to....
Spike: Passions is on! Timmy's down the bloody well, and if you make me miss it, I'll --
Giles: You'll do what? Lick me to death?
Spike: Hey, what's that all about?
Giles: Hmm? Oh, nothing. I just got ash in my eye.
Spike: Well, I won't have you doin' mojo on me if you can't read properly. You might turn me into a stink beetle or what all.
Giles: T'would be a generous ending for you, Spike.
Buffy: It's just so sudden. I don't know what to say.
Spike: Just say yes, and make me the happiest man on earth.
Buffy: Oh, Spike! Of course it's yes!
Buffy: Giles! You'll never believe what's happened!
Spike: Well, first thing I'd say, we're not having a church wedding.
Buffy: How 'bout a daytime ceremony. In the park.
Spike: Fabulous. Enjoy your honeymoon with the big pile of dust.
Buffy: Under the trees. Indirect sunlight, only.
Spike: Warm breeze tosses the leaves aside, and again... you're registering as Mr. and Mrs. Big-Pile-of-Dust.
Buffy: Honey, we need to talk about the invitations. Now, do you wanna be William the Bloody, or just Spike? 'Cause, either way, it's gonna look majorly weird.
Spike: Whereas the name Buffy gives it that touch of classic elegance.
Buffy: What's wrong with Buffy?
Giles: Oh... such a good question.
Spike: Well, it's a terrible name.
Buffy: My mother gave me that name.
Spike: Your mother, yeah, she's a genius.
Buffy: Don't you start in on my mother.
Anya: Why are you holding hands?
Spike: They have to hear it sooner or later...
Buffy: Spike and I are getting married!
Xander: How? What? How?
Giles: Three excellent questions.
Spike: What are you lookin' at?
Buffy: The man I love.
Xander: Can I be blind, too?
Buffy: And you both were affected. I probably only escaped because I'm the Slayer. Some kind of natural immunity.
Xander: Yeah. Right. You're marrying Spike because you're so right for each other.
Buffy: Xander!
Spike: That's it ... you're off the usher list.
Buffy: Oh, ugh....
Spike: Oh, bloody hell!
Buffy: Spike lips! Lips of Spike!
Spike: Don't I get a cookie?
Buffy: No.
Spike: Well, I gotta have something. I still have Buffy taste in my mouth.
Buffy: You're a pig, Spike.
Spike: Yeah... well I'm not the one who wanted, 'Wind Beneath My Wings' for the first dance.
Buffy: That was the spell.
"Hush"
Spike: We're out of wheetabix.
Giles: We are out of wheetabix because you ate it all -- again.
Spike: Get some more.
Giles: I thought vampires were supposed to eat blood.
Spike: Yep. Well sometimes I like to crumble up the wheetabix in the blood -- give it a little texture.
Giles: Since the picture you just painted means I will never touch food of any kind again you'll just have to pick it up yourself.
Spike: Sissy.
Anya: I don't. This isn't a relationship -- you don't need me, all you care about is lots of orgasms.
Xander: Okay... remember how we talked about private conversations and how they're less private when they're in front of my friends?
Spike: Oh, we're not your friends. Go on.
Giles: Please don't.
Spike: I don't see why I have to be tied up.
Xander: It's just while I'm sleeping.
Spike: Like I'd bite you anyway.
Xander: Oh you would.
Spike: Not bloody likely.
Xander: I happen to be very biteable pal. I'm moist and delicious.
Spike: Alright, yeah fine you're a nummy treat.
Xander: And don't you forget it!
"Doomed"
Spike: Sodden sleeping chair is bloody -- sodden.
Xander: The quake just knocked a couple of pipes lose. There is a wrench hanging up over there by the workbench. Try tightening the coupling.
Spike: Do I look like a plumber to you?
Xander: No, you look like a big mooch that doesn’t lift a finger around here. But I have to get to work.
Spike: Yeah, delivering melted cheese on bread, doing your part to keep America constipated.
Willow: What are you doing?
Spike: Bloody rot. Can’t a person knock?
Willow: What were you doing?
Xander: You were trying to stake yourself!
Spike: Fag off! It's no concern of yours.
Xander: Is, too. For one thing that’s my shirt you’re about to dust. For another, we've shared a lot here. You should have trusted me enough to do it for you.
Willow: Xander!
Xander: What? He wants to die, I want to help.
Xander: Think of the happy. If we don’t find what we're looking for, we face an apocalypse.
Spike: Really? You're not just saying that?
Spike: That's right. I'm back. And I’m a BLOODY ANIMAL! Yeah!
Spike: What's this? Sitting around watching the telly while there's evil still a foot. That's not very industrious of you. I say we go out there and kick a little demon ass! What, can't go without your Buffy, is that it? Too chicken? Let's find her! She is the Chosen One after all. Come on! Vampires! Grrr! Nasty! Let's annihilate them. For justice -- and for -- the safety of puppies -- and Christmas, right? Let's fight that evil! Let’s kill something! Oh, come on!
Season Five:
"Buffy vs Dracula"
Riley: What can you tell me about Dracula?
Spike: Dracula? Poncy bugger owes me eleven pounds, for one thing.
Riley: You know him?
Spike: Know him? We're old rivals. But then he got famous, forgot all about his foes. I'll tell you what. That glory hound's done more harm to vampires than any slayer. His story gets out, and suddenly everybody knows how to kill us.
"Real Me"
Harmony: Oh, yeah. I've got my own gang now.
Spike: Is that what those circus freaks are?
Harmony: Uh huh. I mean ... shut up! We're gonna kill the slayer.
Spike: Singing my song now, are you? You should pay me royalties for that one, or at least get your own tune.
Harmony: I'm not gonna make the same mistakes you did. I've been doing my homework, reading books and stuff.
Spike: What, Evil for Dummies? Look at you, all puffed up and mighty, thinking you're the new Big Bad. It's, uh... well, let's face it, it's adorable.
"The Replacement"
Riley: What are you doing here, Spike?
Spike: Oh, there's a nice lady vampire who set up a charming tea room over the next pile of crap. What do you think I'm doing? I'm scavenging, ain't I?
"Out of My Mind"
Buffy: Better keep out of my way, Spike. I'm not gonna take this much longer.
Spike: And I should do what in my spare time? Sit at home knitting cunning sweater sets?
Buffy: Would it keep you out of my way?
Riley: She's right. You shouldn't be out here when she's patrolling.
Spike: Oh! I saw that. Looks like neither boy's entirely welcome. You should take him home, Slayer. Make him stay there. I've got knitting needles he can borrow.
Buffy: Spike... I just saw you taste your own nose blood, you know what? I'm too grossed out to hear anything you have to say. Go home.
Spike: It's blood! It's what I do!
Spike: Well, well, well. Looky here.
Harmony: Is it safe? Has Buffy gotten to you yet? I saw her patrolling just now... with a stake! She won't give up until she's killed me to death!
Spike: Buffy's looking for you.
Harmony: Of course! That's why I'm on the lam. Didn't you hear? I'm totally her arch-nemesis!
Spike: Is that right. I must have missed the memo.
Harmony: There was a mem--? Spike, oh my god! This is like a real emergency! Uhh! I need a hideout so bad. You're my only hope. We're just gonna have to rise above... our petty differences.... Listen, Spike ... I'm desperate.
Spike: Desperate, are you?
Harmony: Come on, Spike. Pretty please? I'll do anything!
Spike: Anything, will you?
Harmony: Yeah! I said I'll do anything. Ohhhh. You mean will I have sex with you? Well, yeah.
Spike: Okay, is it bigger than a breadbox?
Harmony: No. Four left.
Spike: So it's smaller than a breadbox.
Harmony: No! Only three!
Spike: Harmony... is it a sodding breadbox?
Harmony: Yes! Oh my god! Someone's blondie bear is a twenty-question genius!
Harmony: I read in a magazine that some women think a man's real sex organ is his brain. Yecch! No contest. I mean, look at it. It's so... pink and wriggly-looking. Can I touch it?
Spike and Doctor: No!
Harmony: Oh my god, you're awake?
Doctor: Local anesthetic.
Harmony: Wow, Spikey, how does it feel?
Spike: Like someone's cutting into my brain with a knife, you silly bint.
Spike: Buffy, Buffy, Buffy! Everywhere I turn, she's there! That nasty little face, that... bouncing shampoo-commercial hair, that whole sodding holier-than-thou attitude.
Harmony: Well, aren't we kinda unholy, by the --
Spike: She follows me, you know, tracks me down. I'm her pet project. Drive Spike round the bend. Makes every day a fresh bout of torture.
Harmony: Spike!
Spike: You don't understand. I can't get rid of her. She's everywhere. She's haunting me, Harmony! This... has got to end.
Spike: Buffy, I love you. God, I love you so much... -- Oh, god, no. Please, no!
"No Place Like Home"
Buffy: Spike.
Spike: Hi, Buffy.
Buffy: Don't take this the wrong way but...
Spike: Ow!
Buffy: What are you doing here? Five words or less.
Spike: Out... for... a... walk. [Short pause.] Bitch.
Buffy: Out for a walk at night by my house. No one has time for this, William.
Spike: On your merry way, then. You know, contrary to one's self-involved world-view, your house happens to be directly between parts... and other parts of this town. And I would pass by in the day but I feel I'm outgrowing my whole 'burst into flame' phase.
Buffy: Fine. Keep going, I cut you a break.
Spike: Oh, yeah. Okay, let me guess... you won't kill me? Wooo... the whole crowd-pleasing threats-and-swagger routine. How stunningly original. You know, I'm just passing through. Satisfied? You know, I really hope so because God knows you need some satisfaction in life besides shagging Captain Cardboard and I never really liked you anyway and... and you have stupid hair.
"Family"
Spike: You want me, Slayer, come and get me.
Buffy: "Oh, I'm coming. I'm coming right --
Harmony: -- now! ... What are you thinking?
Spike: All about you, baby.
Harmony: Aww. You're my little lamb.
Harmony: Hi baby!
Spike: Hello, sweetbreads. Have fun?
Harmony: Uhh, it was so exciting. You wouldn't believe it. I went to April Fool's, and absolutely everything was on sale.
Spike: You paid for it?
Harmony: Oh, no. I just killed the clerk. Still, a bargain's a bargain. Oh, I ran into Carol Beets. You know. She sired Brandon, Brandon from the sewer gang... and she said, the Lei-Ach demon... was recruiting his brethren to kill the slayer!
Spike: How's that?
Harmony: Apparently, he got recruited by some big nether-wig and now he's on a mission. You think they might actually do it? Kill her?
Spike: God, that would be... pleasant.
Harmony: Well, if they do, I think we should do something. Like a gift basket or something. Where are you going?
Spike: To get a decent seat. If the slayer's gonna die... I'm gonna watch.
Dawn: You don't wanna mess with us.
Buffy: She's a hair-puller.
Giles: And... you're not just dealing with, uh, two little girls.
Xander: You're dealing with all of us.
Spike: 'Cept me.
Xander: 'Cept Spike.
Spike: I don't care what happens.
Anya: What kind of demon is she? There's a lot of different kinds. Some are very, very evil. And some have been considered to be useful members of society.
Beth: Well, I -- I ... what does it matter?
Mr. Maclay: Evil is evil.
Anya: Well, let's just narrow it down.
Spike: Oh. Why don't I make this simple. Oww!!
Willow: Hey! Hey....
Tara: He hit my nose!
Willow: And it hurt! Uh, him, I mean.
Buffy: And that only works on humans.
Spike: There's no demon in there. That's just a family legend, am I right? Just a bit of spin to keep the ladies in line. Oh, you're a piece of work. I like you.
Tara: I'm not a demon.
Willow: You're not a demon.
Tara: He hurt my nose.
Willow: Awww.
Spike: Yeah, you're welcome.
"Fool for Love"
Spike: You know, there quite a few American beers that are highly underrated. This unfortunately is not one of them.
Buffy: Update, Spike. We're not here to discuss the fine choice of hops. It's about two Slayers: one in China during the Boxer Rebellion, one in New York. Both got killed by you. Tell the tale, you get the cash.
Spike: Right. You want to learn all about how I bested the Slayers and you want to learn fast. Right, then. We fought. I won. The end. Pay up.
Buffy: That's not what I --
Spike: What did you want, eh? A quick demo? A blow-for-blow description you can map out and memorize? It's not about the moves, love. And since I agreed to your little proposition, we can do this my way. Wings.
Buffy: What?
Spike: Spicy buffalo wings. Order me up a plate. I'm feelin' peckish.
Spike: As I thought. Some nasty thing got a taste of you.
Buffy: Don't get all excited. I'm fine.
Spike: Oh, right. Stuck in a dark corner with a creature you loathe, diggin' up past uglies, 'cause you're fine.
Buffy: Just tell me what I want to know.
Spike: I told you. No one's narrating on an empty stomach here.
Buffy: Were you born this big a pain in the ass?
Spike: What can I tell you, baby? I've always been bad.
William (Spike): Luminous... oh, no, no, no. Irradiant's better.
Waiter: Care for an hors d'oeuvre, sir?
William (Spike): Oh, quickly! I'm the very spirit of vexation. What's another word for 'gleaming'? It's a perfectly perfect word as many words go but the bother is nothing rhymes, you see.
Aristocrat: Ah, William! Favor us with your opinion. What do you make of this rash of disappearances sweeping through our town? Animals or thieves?
William (Spike): I prefer not to think of such dark, ugly business at all. That's what the police are for. I prefer placing my energies into creating things of beauty.
Cecily: Your poetry, it's... they're... not written about me, are they?
William (Spike): They're about how I feel.
Cecily: Yes, but are they about me?
William (Spike): Every syllable.
Cecily: Oh, God!
William (Spike): Oh, I know... it's sudden and... please, if they're no good, they're only words but... the feeling behind them... I love you, Cecily.
Cecily: Please stop!
William (Spike): I know I'm a bad poet but I'm a good man and all I ask is that... that you try to see me --
Cecily: I do see you. That's the problem. You're nothing to me, William. You're beneath me.
Drusilla: And I wonder... what possible catastrophe came crashing down from heaven and brought this dashing stranger to tears?
William (Spike): Nothing. I wish to be alone.
Drusilla: Oh, I see you. A man surrounded by fools who cannot see his strength, his vision, his glory. (beat) That and burning baby fish swimming all around your head.
William (Spike): That's quite close enough. I've heard tales of London pickpockets. You'll not be getting my purse, I tell you."
Drusilla: Don't need a purse. Your wealth lies here... and here. In the spirit and... imagination. You walk in worlds the others can't begin to imagine.
William (Spike): Oh, yes! I mean, no. I mean... mother's expecting me.
Drusilla: I see what you want. Something glowing and glistening. Something... effulgent.
William (Spike): Effulgent.
Drusilla: Do you want it?
William (Spike): Oh, yes! God, yes.
[Upon being bitten by Dru]
William (Spike): Ow ow ow owow oh ow ow....
Buffy: So you traded up on the food chain. Then what?
Spike: No, please. Don't make it sound like something you'd flip past on the Discovery Channel. Becoming a vampire is a profound and powerful experience. I could feel this new strength coursing through me. Getting killed made me feel alive for the very first time. I was through living by society's rules. Decided to make a few of my own. Of course, in order to do that... I had to get myself a gang.
Angelus: You've got me and my women hiding in the luxury of a mine shaft, all because William the Bloody likes the attention. This is not a reputation we need.
Spike: Oh, I'm sorry. Did I sully our good name? We're vampires."
Angelus: All the more reason to use a certain amount of finesse.
Spike: Bollocks! That stuff's for the frilly cuffs-and-collars crowd. I'll take a good brawl any day.
Angelus: And every time you do, we become the hunted.
Darla: I think our boys are going to fight.
Drusilla: The King of Cups expects a picnic! But this is not his birthday.
Darla: Good point...
Spike: Yeah, you know what I prefer to being hunted? Getting caught.
Angelus: That's a brilliant strategy really... pure cunning.
Spike: Sod off! Come on. When was the last time you unleashed it? All out fight in a mob, back against the wall, nothing but fists and fangs? Don't you ever get tired of fights you know you're going to win?
Angelus: No. A real kill. A good kill. It takes pure artistry. Without that, we're just animals.
Spike: Poofter!
Spike: Lesson the first: a Slayer must always reach for her weapon. I've already got mine. A good thing, too. Become a vampire, you've got nothing to fear. Nothing but one girl. That's you, honey. Back then... it was her.
Drusilla: Oh, Spike, look at the wonderful mess you've made. That's a Slayer you've done in. Naughty... wicked... Spike.
Spike: You ever hear them saying the blood of a Slayer is a powerful aphrodisiac? Here, now... have a taste.
Spike: That was the best night of my life. And I've had some sweet ones. What are you looking at?
Buffy: You got off on it.
Spike: Well, yeah. I suppose you're telling me you don't? How many of my kind reckon you've done?
Buffy: Not enough.
Spike: And we just keep coming. But you can kill a hundred, a thousand, a thousand thousand and the enemies of Hell besides and all we need is for one of us -- just one -- sooner or later to have the thing we're all hoping for.
Buffy: And that would be what?
Spike: One... good... day.
Spike: Lesson the second: ask the right questions. You want to know how I beat 'em? The question isn't 'How'd I win?'. The question is 'Why'd they lose?'.
Buffy: What's the difference?
Spike: There's a big difference, love.
Spike: The first was all business but the second, she had a touch of your style. She was cunning, resourceful... oh, did I mention? Hot. I could have danced all night with that one.
Buffy: You think we're dancing?
Spike: That's all we've ever done.
Spike: And the thing about the dance is, you never get to stop. Every day you wake up, it's the same bloody question that haunts you: is today the day I die? Death is on your heels, baby, and sooner or later it's gonna catch you. And part of you wants it... not only to stop the fear and uncertainty, but because you're just a little bit in love with it. Death is your art. You make it with your hands, day after day. That final gasp. That look of peace. Part of you is desperate to know: What's it like? Where does it lead you? And now you see, that's the secret. Not the punch you didn't throw or the kicks you didn't land. Every Slayer... has a death wish. Even you. The only reason you've lasted as long as you have is you've got ties to the world... your mum, your brat kid sister, the Scoobies. They all tie you here but you're just putting off the inevitable. Sooner or later, you're gonna want it. And the second- the second- that happens... You know I'll be there. I'll slip in... have myself a real good day. Here endeth the lesson. I just wonder if you'll like it as much as she did.
Buffy: Get out of my sight. Now.
Spike: Oh... did I scare ya? You're the Slayer. Do something about it. Hit me. Come on. One good swing. You know you want to.
Buffy: I mean it.
Spike: So do I. Give it me good, Buffy. Do it!
Buffy: Spike... What the hell are you doing?
Spike: Come on. I can feel it, Slayer. You know you want to dance.
Buffy: Say it's true. Say I do want to. It wouldn't be you, Spike. It would never be you. You're beneath me.
Spike: Beneath me... I'll show her. Put her six bloody feet beneath me. Hasn't got a death wish? Bitch won't need one.
Harmony: Okay, I'm trying to be supportive here so don't drive a stake through my heart like last time, but you can't kill Buffy. She's the Slayer. She is so gonna kick your ass.
Spike: I've got two barrels here that'll prove you wrong.
Harmony: I knew you'd take this personally. You are so sensitive! How are you going to kill her? Think! The second you even point that thing at her, you're gonna be all ahhh! And then you'll get bitch-slapped up and down Main Street unless she's had enough and just stakes you!
Spike: Sure, it'll hurt like hell for about two hours... But she'll be dead just a little longer than that.
Harmony: Fine! But don't come crying to me when you fail. You couldn't kill her before you got the chip. You had plenty of chances!
Drusilla: Why can't you kill her?
Spike: You're the one who keeps bringing her up! I haven't said a word about the bloody Slayer since we left California. She's on the other side of the planet, Dru!
Drusilla: But you're lying! I can still see her floating all around you, laughing. Why? Why won't you push her away?
Spike: But I did, pet. I did it for you. You keep punishing me. Carrying on with creatures like this.
Chaos Demon: Okay, you guys obviously have a thing going on here.
Drusilla: I have to find my pleasures, Spike. You taste like ashes.
Spike: So this is my fault now?
Chaos Demon: I didn't know she was seeing somebody. I should take off.
Spike: Yeah, why don't you do that?
Drusilla: You can't blame a girl, Spike. You're all covered with her. I look at you... all I see is the Slayer.
Buffy: What do you want now?
Spike: What's wrong?
Buffy: I don't want to talk about it.
Spike: Is there something I can do?
"Shadow"
Riley: Were you... were you just smelling her sweater?
Spike: No. Well, yeah, all right, I did. It's a... predator thing, nothin' wrong with it. Just... know your enemy's scent, whet the appetite for a hunt. [sticks his nose in the sweater and snorts evilly] Ah, that's the stuff! Slayer musk, it's bitter and aggravating!
Spike: Hey, watch it! Easy, you're bruising the leather! Look. I know for a bleeding fact the Slayer wouldn't mind me being here.
Riley: Right. What's a little sweater-sniffing between sworn enemies.
Spike: Your girl in the habit of buying her enemies drinks? 'Cause she spent the better part of last night with me, doing just that.
Riley: 'Cause you guys are such tight pals.
Spike: Yeah.
Riley: That's good. Tell me another.
Spike: Okay, how 'bout this one. Twice in recent memory, she's had the lover-wiccas do a deinvite on the house. Keep out specific vamps. Ever ask yourself why she's never taken my name off the guest list?
Riley: Because you're harmless.
Spike: Oh yeah, right. Takes one to know, I suppose. Least I still got the attitude. What do you got, a piercing glance? Face it, white bread. Buffy's got a type, and you're not it. She likes us dangerous, rough, occasionally bumpy in the forehead region. Not that she doesn't like you... but sorry Charlie, you're just not dark enough.
"Listening to Fear"
Buffy: Spike?
Spike: Yeah. Listen, uh, did you hear a noise?
Buffy: What the hell are you doing in my house?
Spike: Right then, caught me. Your basement's full of junk. And me being in need of, uh, junk....
Buffy: You were stealing?
Spike: Well, yeah. Can't exactly work the counter at Burger Barn, can I?
Buffy: Wait, are those pictures of me?
"Into the Woods"
Buffy: Every time you show up like this, you risk all of your parts, you know that?
Spike: I wouldn't be here if I didn't have a good reason. As usual, I'm here to help you, and I - are you naked under there?
Buffy: Get out.
Spike: No, I'm serious. I mean, not about the naked part, I mean....
Buffy: Get out or I will drop you out head-first.
Spike: I wanna show you something.
Buffy: What?
Spike: You need to see this.
Spike: Oh, man. You are really under it, aren't you?
Riley: What?
Spike: Look at you. All afraid I'm hot for your honey.
Riley: Because you are.
Spike: Well... yeah. But that's not your problem. Even if I wasn't in the picture, you're never gonna be able to hold onto her. Ow, bloody hell!
Riley: Maybe I didn't almost kill you enough.
Spike: Come on. You're not the long haul guy and you know it.
Riley: Shut up.
Spike: You know it. Or else you wouldn't be getting suck jobs from two-bit vampire trulls. The girl needs some monster in her man... and that's not in your nature... no matter how low you try to go.
Riley: You actually think you've got a shot with her?
Spike: No, I don't. Fella's gotta try, though. Gotta do what he can.
Riley: If you touched her... you know I'd kill you for real.
Spike: I had this chip outta my head, I'da killed you long ago. Ain't love grand? Sometimes I envy you so much it chokes me. And sometimes I think I got the better deal. To be that close to her and not have her. To be all alone even when you're holding her. Feeling her, feeling her beneath you. Surrounding you. The scent... No, you got the better deal.
Riley: I'm the lucky guy. Yeah. I'm the guy.
"Triangle"
Spike: Um... there's something I got to tell you. About showing you Riley in that place. I didn't mean to... Anyway, I know you're feeling all betrayed - by him, not me. I was trying to help, you know. Not like I made him be there, after all. Actually trying to help you. Best intentions. I mean, you know, pretty state you'd be in, thinking things are all right while he's toddling halfway round the bend. Oh, I'll insult him if I want to! I'm the one who's on your side! Me! Doing you a favor! And you, being dead petty about it -- me, getting nothing but your hatred and your venom and -- you ungrateful bitch! Bitch! ... Buffy... there's something I wanted to tell you.
Spike: They have chicken wings too. Also a sort of a flower-shaped thing they make from an onion. It's brilliant.
Xander: Are you talking to me hoping that I'll get so depressed that I'll impale myself on a fork right in front of you?
Spike: Lovely thought. If I don't hurt you myself, the chip wouldn't zap me. I could eat you that way. Beat the onion thing all to hell.
Xander: And they get in these fights, and they're both looking at me like I'm the referee. Also, sometimes I'll say something about Anya, and Willow'll get this look, this, um, 'what the hell do you see in her' look.
Spike: I know that look. Lot of people never really got Dru, you know.
Xander: Well, she was insane. Then it's like, well, I get all torn. Because, Willow's my best friend and I really value her opinion, but, uh, Anya's my girlfriend, you know?
Spike: Hmm. What does the Slayer think of all this... friction in the ranks? Can't be good for morale.
Xander: I don't know.
Spike: She's a little... preoccupied, maybe. It's understandable what with all the upset, all the blaming of innocent bystanders who got caught up in the mess.
Xander: What?
Spike: I mean, did she want to be made a fool of? And, what does a person have to do to make it right?
Xander: I'm gonna run and get Buffy. Or maybe you could fight him.
Spike: Yeah, I could do that, but I'm paralyzed with not caring very much.
Olaf: You there! Do you know where there are babies?
Spike: What do you think, the hospital?
Xander: What? Shut up! Um... listen....
Olaf: I find myself very hungry. And when I'm hungry I grow short of patience.
Xander: Well, we can take care of the hungry, so how's about you just sit down in one of the... sturdier chairs, and we can... have a calm talk and something to eat.
Olaf: Can it be babies?
Xander: Well, not so much.
Olaf: Oh.
Xander: But maybe... some roast pigs, and... stags, and... much hearty grog.
Spike: They've got this onion thing....
Buffy: What are you doing?
Spike: Making this woman more comfortable. I'm not sampling, I'll have you know. Just look at all these lovely blood-covered people. I could, but not a taste for Spike, not a lick. Know you wouldn't like it.
Buffy: You want credit for not feeding on bleeding disaster victims?
Spike: Well, yeah.
Buffy: You're disgusting.
Spike: What's it take?
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