Today I Am A Man

"Because that's what he asked for, that's why!" Heero snapped. "If he'd asked for flowers, he'd have gotten flowers. If he'd wanted a new video game, I'd have gotten him that."

Wufei glanced at the chimp hanging from the chandelier. "But a MONKEY?"

"It's not a monkey, it's a chimp. There's a difference. Monkeys have tails. Chimps don't."

Trowa glanced at the primate, who had now jumped on the table and was ripping apart the plastic flowers.

"Mr. Bananas, stop that!" Heero ordered.

Mr. Bananas screeched and jumped up and down, sticking out his tongue at Heero.

Quatre was frowning. "You know, I think that Duo pulled a con job on us."

Heero gave him a menacing look. "What makes you think that?"

"For one thing, Bar Mitzvahs happen when a boy turns 13. Duo turned 16 months ago!"

"Oh, so it was his fault he was living on the streets and didn't get a real one?" Heero retorted.

"Well, for another thing, Duo happens to be Catholic!" Quatre returned. "Only Jewish boys get Bar
Mitzvahs. And the usual gift is NOT a damn chimp!"

Duo entered the room at that point. Mr. Bananas let out a happy yell and jumped on his back, his blunt fingers immediately combing through Duo's thick hair.

"Isn't he COOL? Thank you, Heero. That was the best Bar Mitzvah anyone could have ever had."

Quatre was still unconvinced. "You aren't Jewish!"

Duo unbuckled his belt and dropped his pants. Mr. Bananas clapped in approval and mooned the blond boy.

"That doesn't prove anything!" Quatre yelled. "Most Americans get snipped. It doesn't make them Jewish!"

Mr. Bananas took offense at Quatre's tone and threw a handful of dirt from the begonia at him.

Quatre threw his hands up in the air and stormed out of the house.

"He's got chimp envy." Trowa said. "He wants a Mr. Bananas too."

Wufei had been reading a book on "Raising Chimps for Dummies." He looked up. "They're very intelligent. It could probably become very useful to us. I would like to borrow Mr. Bananas for an evening. I will return him unharmed tomorrow."

"Sure." Duo was happy to help out a friend. "Go with Wu, Mr. Bananas. He's going to teach you fun stuff." The chimp climbed on Wufei's lap and kissed him on the cheek.

******************************************

The sun was just breaking the horizon, but the only real light in the bedroom came from the ember at the end of a cigarette.

Wufei took a puff and passed it back to the chimp at his side.

"Was it good for you, Mr. Bananas?"

The chimp clapped his hands.

"Me too. I've never known anyone like you before. I believe that we are soul-mates."

"YEEE." Mr. Bananas agreed.

"We have a few hours. Love me again." Wufei pleaded, and the chimp embraced him once more.