Confidence and the art of having a good time

Why are there more Transgendered people around in the winter than in the summer ? The answer to this is that many T-folk are like vampires, they will only come out at night. I find this situation baffling as there are no real advantages to only going out at night, firstly most of the shops are shut, secondly it makes getting a sun tan difficult and thirdly the ‘scary folk’ come out at night. Seriously though the main reason that most t-folk come out after dusk is that they scared that people will see them and read them, so let me make one thing clear immediately, YOU ARE JUST AS LIKELY TO BE READ AT NIGHT AS DURING THE DAY!!! At night you do not shrink 6 inches, your weight doesn’t drop by 3 stone, and your make up isn’t miraculously better.

So what am I saying? What I am saying is, that if you have the confidence to go out at night why not go out during the day? Many T-folk feel that they will be read the moment that they step out of their car. But if you stop and think about this, you should realise that this is an incredibly self-centred attitude. Let me make another thing clear, YOU ARE NOT THE CENTRE OF THE UNIVERSE, you are just one person, and most people are not interested in you, the average person in the street is more concerned about their own appearance than about yours. So the trick is that if you are appropriatly dressed then you will pass. The reason why? Because most people are not taking the slightest bit of notice of you.

The real key to passing as I just said is dressing appropiately, this means that if you want to pop into a straight pub for a quick bite to eat and a lunchtime drink, a gold sequined mini-dress is not really going to be appropriate. The other important thing to remember is DRESS YOUR AGE, if you are only 20 you would not wear a tweed suit with brogues and if you are the far side of 35, don’t wear anything that is too short or you will draw attention to yourself. Now many of you are saying that there are many women over 35 who wear short stuff and look good in it, so why can’t you. The answer to this is that most of these women are not six foot plus, and a size 18, they are also probably not wearing a wig and heavy make-up, so they can afford to bring attention to themselves without the sort of problems that befalls us. Unfortunately we must try to be inconspicous, as I said before if you blend in people will not notice you, if you make a spectacle of yourself they will, and how many of us can stand close scrutiny?

If you are unsure what you should be wearing, go to where you want to go, in boy mode and take some time to look at what women who are your age and your build are wearing, BE A BLATENT COPYCAT, then go and get the necessary clothes from the same type of shop that they bought their clothes in, ie a high street shop. You find very few women buy clothes in Transformation or charity shops.

Another tip is ACCEPT YOUR LIMITATIONS if you are tall then don’t wear a pair of stilettos with 3 inch plus heels as this will only draw attention to yourself, also avoid bright loud colors.

Another thing that will help you to pass is a group of good friends, male or female, who are prepared to go out with you. The reason being that if people look at you and see a group of people, that is what they will see, mostly ‘normal people’ and you merge into the group, again as long as you don’t make yourself stand out. In my experience friends love to help you and they can help in other ways, such as covering for you if you don’t have a particulary feminine voice !!! They can also offer you realistic advise on how you look as many of them, especially men have a blunt honesty that you don’t find in the transgendered community.

Many Transgendered people play a little game when they are out and about, and this is they look at people and think is that another T-girl or not, how many of us can honestly say that we haven’t seen a girl who might be a bit tall and thought is she or isn’t she? Well the good news is that we are the only people playing that game, TRANSGENDERED PEOPLE ARE NOT AT THE FOREFRONT OF MOST PEOPLES MINDS. In other words most people are more likely to decide whether to go to McDonalds or Burger King for lunch that the true gender of the girl who just walked passed them!

Another give away for many transgendered people is that they don’t act normally when they are out and about, nothing is more likely to draw attention to you than not being relaxed. If you see a large group of people you wouldn’t normally take a detour to avoid them, so why do it now??? Trying to avoid people or groups is likely to make you more conspicious and then people will start asking questions about you. If you deal with the situation with confidence, most people won’t even notice you.

Though I have said that passing is easy and building confidence is not difficult, please bear in mind that you should always think of your safety, by this is mean think what you are doing. If you want to go for a drink in a pub, don’t pick one that is full of skinheads with national front logos tattooed to their foreheads, as no amount of confidence will save you!!! The simple trick is to use common sense, there is very little chance of you being physically attacked in the middle of a shopping center on a Saturday afternoon, but in the aforementioned pub there is. Also remember to take the precautions that girls take anyway, such as parking in light busy areas.

The final thing that I would say is when you are out and about smile and enjoy yourself, look like you don’t have a care in the world and be relaxed. If you are relaxed then other people around you will be relaxed, if you are stressed and worried, people will notice and then you will make them stressed or worried. Also remember that if you are read it is not the end of the world, probably you will never meet that person again, they don’t know you and you don’t know them, so what is the big deal? Especially as they can’t do any thing to hurt you. Plus you should build on these experiences and say why did I get read and then make sure that you don’t make the same mistake twice.

10 Rules for building confidence and passing.

  • You are just as likely to be read at night as during the day.
  • You are not the centre of the universe
  • Dress your age
  • Be a blatant copycat
  • Accept your limitations
  • Listen to your friends and trust their opinions
  • Transgendered people are not at the forefront of most peoples minds
  • Act normally
  • Be Safe
  • Enjoy yourself and have fun!

TS Help 2001(c) 2001
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