Jonathan Schpeilton - STARS IN THE END

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Conspiracy
When I wrote this, I figured that no Jonathan Schpeilton existed. But alas there probably does exist one in some remote corner of this universe. If your name is Jonathan Schpeilton and you have found this through yahoo, Please forgive me for using your name in a story. The Jonathan Schpeilton used in this page relates the story of a FICTICIOUS character. Sue me not I'm poor anyways.

Jonathan Schpeilton - STARS IN THE END

***** EPISODE 1 *****

Jonathan doesn't remember the stranger from last night

Jonathan awoke to the sound of his front doorbell ringing. He cursed silently to himself, got up out of bed and rushed himself down the stairs to see who could be at his door at the early hours of the morning. Ordinarily Jonathan would not have cause for concern about answering the door, but last night he met a man who promised he would come see him at his house before the end of the week. Today was Saturday.

Jonathan's North-American two-story home had squeaky stairs, so he knew that when he ran down the stairs his guest-in-waiting would be able to hear him coming to get the door. Opening the door, Jonathan was not at all surprised to see his guest from the night before. Jonathan spoke, "Good morning friend, come in. Please take your shoes off though." Jonathan and his guest Woodrow Morrow proceeded into the house's kitchen and took up each of them a seat.

The house the two were in was a circa 1950's two story house. There was an entrance in the front, as well as a garage entrance attached off the side of the house. Another entrance led in the house from the kitchen; it was to the patio where the barbecue was.

Two clocks hung side by side on the east wall in Jonathan's kitchen. One was set the the current place and time. The second was set to the time zone where his ex-wife and son lived. Jonathan noted that the time on the second of these two clocks was 5:30 am. Wow, he thought, its early even out west.

Jonathan Schpeilton welcomed his guest again, and got up to make some coffee. Woodrow Morrow spoke, "I have an interesting offer this time Jonathan. This time I won't let you refuse."

Talking slowly so as not to be confused, Jonathan responded, "What can you offer me that I cannot refuse? I have seen many things through your means, and nothing yet has worked."

Woodrow laid a briefcase on the kitchen table, and opened it up toward Jonathan, who was busy making instant coffee. "Look here Jonathan, I have something I know you will not back down from," said Woodrow. The briefcase contained several small plastic bags, a needle, and two small tins. The needle was no stranger to Jonathan, he had seen this one used on himself before. Clean needles of course. But it wasn't the needle that caught Jonathan's eye this time. He saw that there was a second tin instead of just the usual blue one.

"What's in that tin? Is this what you've been going on about for the last few days?" said Jonathan in a soft-spoken voice. This second tin was painted black, with a gold-leaf emblem of a snake on it. The gold-snake was wrapped around a dagger. It was an intricate design, similar to a tattoo that Jonathan had once seen.

Woodrow turned the briefcase toward himself and reached out for the small black metal box. He opened the tin up, but then closed it immediately. Woodrow spoke up, "I must warn you Jonathan, this is like nothing else you have ever experienced before, it will change you for the rest of your life. Are you ready for change? I know you have been through a lot with me but this is the newest and most expansive drug ever to hit the markets."

Jonathan replied, "You must realize Woodrow, that the more pressure you put on me to resist, the more inclined I am to go forth with. You have warned me almost every time I try something new, and I always walk away with my body and spirit intact. Can the contents of one small box truly affect me that much? I am doubtful."

Jonathan finished brewing his instant coffee and sat down at the table opposite of Woodrow. Woodrow pushed the small tin across the table towards Jonathan's left hand. Woodrow commented on the box's contents once more, "Jonathan, I must warn you that this will hit you within ten minutes, and you will probably not want to drink the rest of that coffee."

*****

Ever since Jonathan split with his wife of four years, he had been simply working to pay off debts and to pay for the welfare of his only son, Dmitri. The last week had been treacherous on him, he had to put in a 70-hour working week, and come Friday night he was exhausted. Last night, which to the best of his recollection was Friday, Jonathan celebrated the close of a long week at the office by going out on the town with Woodrow. Woodrow was a supplier and was quite capable of making the night an open-minded evening. Jonathan left work at five o'clock on the dot and headed towards the local tavern, the 'Gin Rummy.' Jonathan opened his evening with a small joint smoked out in the back parking lot with Woodrow, and commenced almost immediately on the drinking. Jonathan was quite an adept drinker, and could drink everyone he knew under the table and still be able to walk home.

Friday night's drink was Rum. The Gin Rummy had its own house brew of rum and they offered it relatively cheap. A double shot of rum mixed with cola, cost only two dollars. Jonathan spent over twenty-five dollars (including tips) and was still in good standing. Or at least he could still stand. He knew he had to call it quits after that though, or he would risk alcohol poisoning again...

After Jonathan got completely drunk, he had a conversation with a stranger about something called a 'soul'. He had never heard of something called a 'soul' before then.

*****

Woodrow sat with his left leg across the right one at Jonathan's kitchen table. "Again I say you may or may not like this experience. So I will offer you two pills, you can take only one at a time, so if your first experience goes awry, you can always sell the second one back to me. Now I myself have not yet tried for the quality of them, so I am going to see how well you make out before I get into selling them regularly."

"So quit ruining my experience and sell me the dope, ok? I have had enough misplaced warnings from you to sink a ship." I am sure that nothing will go wrong. Of course you mentioned that I may sell you back the second one. What's that all about? I have never sold YOU anything," replied Jonathan.

"On the contrary," said Woodrow, "You have sold me everything, and you don't even know it yet. These two pills are more precious than diamonds."

"Okay, quit with the warnings of futures to come and lay the heaven on me. Now how much to I owe you for these two so-called precious pills?"

"Nothing," answered Woodrow, "I give them to you for 'free' so that you can judge the quality of them for me."

"Sweet deal," exclaimed Jonathan, who was awed by the fact that for once he didn't have to pay a cent to get off. "Okay I'm game."

"You are game Jonathan," mused Woodrow, "More that you as of yet know. Do you mind if I stay to see how well it goes for you?"

"Hell, its Saturday, I don't have to be at work until Monday, why don't I start off the morning with a blast?" Said Jonathan rhetorically.

Woodrow again slid the small black tin across the table so that it was sitting on the edge of the table. Jonathan opened it up and discovered that there were two red jelly-beans inside of it. Jonathan commented, "You must be joking, these are fuckin' jelly-beans... How am I supposed to get off on this? It's only confectionary sugar man!"

Again Woodrow felt the need to explain himself, "Jonathan, trust me, when you are done, this will have been the most expansive trip you have ever even been on."

"Okay," piped Jonathan, "once again, I am trusting my body and spirit in your hands. I hope this doesn't let me down as much as 'e' did.

"Jonathan, my friend and drinking companion, I warned you, not for your sake but for mine. Everyone deserves a warning against what this world places on its controller's shoulders."

"What the hell are you going on about?" sputtered Jonathan. "You sound like some kind of Jesus freak going on a dope purge."

Without any further complication, Jonathan downed one of the pills, accompanied by a swig of coffee. He could feel it working its way down his throat, followed by a gentle numbing feeling that the hot coffee brought.

Jonathan and Woodrow proceeded into Jonathan's living room. Woodrow took up a seat next to Jonathan on the left end of a couch. Jonathan eased himself into his new leather reclining chair.

They switched on the television and began watching the morning news. Then Jonathan was taken by a sudden feeling that his stomach was not accepting the pill that Woodrow had fed him. Jonathan spoke up, "I feel something swirling in my stomach."

"Relax Jonathan, all the pieces of the puzzle that is your life will fit together soon."

Not very comforted by that, Jonathan slouched lower in his easy-chair and gripped his stomach. "Now, you know I have done a lot of stupid things in my life, but if this turns out to be the stupidest, I'm bringing you down with me Woodrow."

Woodrow was taken by this and had to reply, "I doubt you will be capable of such acts after you are through with this 'one'."

Suddenly, after only five minutes from taking the pill, Jonathan began to feel like there was a metal spike being driven right through his jaw. He told himself that this is probably normal, and waited for what was to come next. He then began to feel like his throat was being covered by metal. "Woodrow, I hope this one doesn't kill me, I'm feeling kind of strange." Then as quickly as the feeling of metal came, it disappeared. He felt like he was splitting into two people. "I feel strange, Woodrow, very strange..."

No longer could Jonathan feel his body, he knew that he was about to leave to come to another place, but he couldn't imagine what was about to happen next. Then it happened. Jonathan fixed his gaze on the television set, trying to bring himself back to reality. As he had done in the past for so many new experiences before this, he tried to imagine a normal place to which he could confine himself. He imagined the lake where he had gone fishing with his father when he was a boy. He closed his eyes and gave himself the best picture that he could muster, then he opened his eyes, hoping to see his companion sitting in the chair next to him. He could hear Woodrow talking, but it seemed as though he was hearing it from a mile away. He then saw Woodrow talking on his cell-phone. He could hear Woodrow clearly now, even though he was unable to see him clearly. Jonathan's vision became blurry, and all of a sudden, he saw what looked like t.v. static everywhere.

Woodrow was talking on his cellular phone with someone. He was speaking in a low voice, calm and clear as day. Jonathan felt like he was a mile away from Woodrow, but could still hear his voice. Woodrow was talking, "I have him now... No worries boss, I'll have him for you by sundown... yes... yes... The red one, that's right... He's strong, I know, but this will bring him down to us... yes... "

Jonathan opened his mouth to ask who Woodrow was talking to but, all he could say was, "yes... yes... I know... Don't worry... " He was all of a sudden hearing a deep, low voice coming in through his right ear... It was a call phone.

Jonathan opened his eyes again and noticed that the static was gone, but he could see himself slumped in his easy-chair... "Oh no," thought Jonathan, "I'm in Woodrow's body... How did that happen, one minute I was sitting there, and now..."

Woodrow then bent over to the ground, picked up his suitcase, placed it on a coffee table, and opened it. It contained the several plastic bags as before, a small needle, and two small tins, a blue one, and a black one with a snake symbol on it. But what he noticed also was that there was what looked like a phaser from Star-Trek... He then saw a hand reach out in front of him, it was Woodrow's hand, he was definitely in Woodrow's body now. The hand reached for the phaser-thing, and Woodrow proceeded to place it next to the slumped body of Jonathan. It looked like Jonathan was fast asleep. Woodrow pulled a trigger on the phaser, and suddenly, Jonathan awoke.

Jonathan was back into his own body, and everything looked like it was covered by grey static. He tried to speak with Woodrow, but Woodrow instead clicked a button on the phaser-thing, and shocked Jonathan again. Then his eyes began to feel heavy and he felt like he was dozing off to sleep.

Woodrow was talking again on his cell phone. Jonathan strained to stay awake to hear what Woodrow was talking about. Woodrow was loud and clear, "I got him boss. He did transmigrate into my body, but I got him back into his own. I don't think I could have handled him, he's too strong... yes... yes... I'll try him again when he wakes up. Don't worry he won't remember a thing."

Jonathan could feel something touching his temple, and then he felt himself slump one final time in his chair, and he was fast asleep.

***** EPISODE 2 *****

The Dream begins...

Jonathan woke up in his easy chair with a massive head-ache. He checked his watch and it said 5:30am. "Must have dozed off after getting home from drinking Friday night, he said aloud to himself (and his cat who was anxious to get her breakfast)

He got up and started to make himself breakfast. He popped two tylenol, hoping to cure the pain of the head-ache. He proceeded to make himself some bacon and eggs using a frying pan.

Then he commenced to thinking. He realized that even though he had been out all night last night, he could not remember what he did. He could not remember where he went, or who he went with. He checked his cell-phone to see who he had called last. "Hmmm... 'unknown number'..." I wonder. He pushed redial, but his phone answered him by making a busy signal.

He was thinking in words, 'that's strange, I don't think I know anybody who has an unknown number to my phone.'

Then Jonathan had a spike of pain in his left temple, and a flash of a memory. He remembered out of nowhere meeting a stranger who called himself Woodrow, who then proceeded to give him a red pill. Then it happened again... He felt dizzy and forced himself to concentrate. "What the hell did I get myself into last night?" he asked himself aloud.

He reached for a jar and a scoop and then put some cat food in his cat Mitten's food dish. Then Jonathan felt an overpowering pressure inside his head. He concentrated on the lake that him and his dad used to fish in when he was a boy. He closed his eyes and imagined this place, then he opened them and voila.

He was at the lake; it was a calm, clear day. He looked around. Some of the trees had red dots all over them. This was unusual. He tried to concentrate on the lake again, and voila. He was back in his kitchen. Jonathan turned off his stove, leaving the cooked eggs and bacon in the frying pan. He went to his t.v. and sat down in his reclining chair. He didn't know why he was just at the lake, but to his amazement, when he concentrated on it again, he was there. This time he tried to stay there.

He looked at a pine tree next to him and instead of buds, it what appeared to be red dots. Upon closer inspection he realized that they were red jelly beans. He picked one and ate it. It was a red jelly bean there was no mistaking it. It tasted like red licorice. He picked another and began to chew. He looked across the lake and saw that all the trees that used to stand tall were bent over like an upside-down 'U'. How strange he thought. Then he had an interesting thought. He thought that what if he was dead and this is heaven. I like red licorice he thought. Then he opened his eyes and voila. He was back in his easy-chair again. He looked at his t.v. and then realizing that it wasn't even on, picked up his remote control and turned it on. Then he had another flash. He had what seemed like a memory of him eating a red jelly-bean in this very chair. He looked around and found a bag of red jelly-beans on the coffee table. He picked them up and started to eat.

Whatever I did last Friday night, he thought, it must have been hallucinogenic. He tried long and hard to remember what he did, but all that came to him was a memory of him eating a red jelly-bean in his easy chair. Then he had another flash like a memory. He could picture in his head a man that called himself Woodrow. Jonathan strained to remember more about this Woodrow, but he couldn't remember much past what he looked like and that he gave him a red jelly-bean.

Jonathan closed his eyes tight and tried to remember... He dozed off to the sleep... I must have been out late, he thought.

*****

Jonathan woke up and realized that he must have passed out in his chair. He remembered being out late last night, and remembered someone gave him a red jelly-bean. He had a massive head-ache. He checked his watch and it said 5:30am. "Must have dozed off after getting home from drinking Friday night, he said aloud to himself (and his cat who was anxious to get her breakfast).

He walked into his kitchen and looked at the table. He suddenly had a memory of him sitting in front of a black tin box. He thought again to himself, must have gotten into some drugs after drinking last night.

He proceeded to his stove and turned the front burner on. He opened up a new package of bacon and some eggs and started to cook them.

His cat Mittens was crying for food. He reached for a jar and a scoop and then put some cat food in the dish. Then Jonathan felt an overpowering pressure inside his head. He had a remedy for head-aches. He took some tylenol and imagined himself at the lake that him and his dad used to fish in when he was a boy. He closed his eyes and imagined this place, but when he opened his eyes again, he was at the lake. His heart felt like it was skipping a beat, he was totally taken aback by this. He used his imagination to try to be in a better place before, but never had it been this real. He thought that he was AT the lake... He tried to imagine his home again, closed his eyes and opened them up and voila, he was in his kitchen. His eggs and bacon had been burned to a crisp. He looked at his watch and it said 5:29am. Impossible, he thought, when I awoke this morning it was 5:30am.

Jonathan looked around his home, and saw that everything was where it was supposed to be. I must be dreaming he thought. He concentrated on waking himself up. If I'm dreaming, he thought, then I must be able to wake up. He closed his eyes and concentrated on waking up.

*****

Jonathan woke up and realized that he must have passed out in his chair. He remembered being out late last night, and remembered someone gave him a red jelly-bean. He had a massive head-ache. He checked his watch and it said 5:30am. "Must have dozed off after getting home from drinking Friday night, he said aloud to himself (and his cat who was anxious to get her breakfast).

He walked into his kitchen and cracked some eggs and opened a new package of bacon. He then got a chill up his spine, and was reminded once again of having taken a pill from someone named Woodrow. "Wait," he said to himself, "I know Woodrow, he is my supplier. And I do remember taking the red pill. I remember waking up three times from the same position in my chair. Weird. I must be dreaming."

He grabbed a scoop from a drawer and poured some food into his cat Mitten's dish. Mitten then looked up at him in a look of awe, and suddenly Jonathan's nose was itchy. He rubbed his nose with his shirt-sleeve, and looked down at Mitten. He could hear a voice calling him. It was a low, deep voice.

"Wait!" Jonathan was speaking aloud, "I remember that voice from Woodrow's cell phone." The voice was calling to him. He looked away from his cat, and the voice stopped. He turned and looked into his frying pan and saw that the eggs and bacon had been burned to a crisp. "Damn," he exclaimed aloud. He then turned back to Mitten, and saw that she was growing in size and proportion. It looked like her head was growing, and her body was staying the same size. He looked into her eyes and heard the voice again, it was a man's deep voice. He was saying, "Jonathan, Jonathan... Get down here," over and over again. The same low voice stuck in his head again. He heard it repeat even as he turned away from his cat.

"Very Strange." Jonathan then figured he was dreaming and tried to wake up. He closed his eyes, and pictured the lake he knew from his childhood. Then a flurry of thoughts hit him. The first was him when he was little and he got hit by a van. The second was when he was drinking and got alcohol poisoning. The third was him falling on his head when trying to do a handstand in the middle of the street after a hard night of drinking. What do these mean? he puzzled. I must be dreaming. He opened his eyes and found himself sitting in his easy chair watching 'tele'vision. But the t.v. was acting all strange. It seemed that his thoughts were being portrayed on his very own t.v. set. He thought of the lake again, this time his eyes were open. He watched the picture on the television set slowly begin to swirl and slowly turn into a picture of him standing by the lake's shore. He exclaimed out loud, "what the hell is going on?"

Then the man that looked like him was in the television screen and turned to look at the camera, but the man's face was not Jonathan. It was the face of Woodrow, who he could clearly remember this time. Woodrow's lips were moving but Jonathan couldn't make out what he was saying. Jonathan concentrated on the television and began to understand. Woodrow was repeating over and over again, "Jonathan, you passed away this morning. We will miss you. Too bad noone will ever know."

Jonathan stopped dead. He turned off the television, and proceeded into the kitchen, where his eggs were slowly but surely cooking. The bacon was not burned yet, and he removed the frying pan from the oven's element.

"Wait," exclaimed Jonathan. "These eggs and bacon were fried to s crisp last time I checked."

Jonathan slowly walked to his front door and looked outside. He was astonished to see that the sun was up, but it was red, bright, bright red. And the sky was pink. Everything else on the street seemed normal. Except the kids playing on the street. They were kicking a ball back and forth, but the ball was bright green, and it was glowing.

Jonathan knew that this time he had crossed the line. He thought long and hard about what he did last night, but the only thing he could remember was this morning. This morning. This morning he woke up from his bed and met someone at the front door. Was it Woodrow? Yes he reasoned, it must have been Woodrow... Jonathan closed his eyes.

*****

Jonathan awoke from his slumber with an intense headache. He took some tylenol from his kitchen cupboard, and began to fry some eggs and bacon. He then bent down to feed his cat, Mitten. That was when he looked at his watch. It read 5:30am.

He just finished cooking his eggs and bacon and had turned the stove off when he heard a knocking at his front door. He left the eggs and bacon in the greasy frying pan, and proceeded to unlock the front door.

He opened the door, and met his friend Woodrow. "Morning Woodrow!" shouted Jonathan.

Woodrow walked in the front room past Jonathan and sat in a chair. "listen Jonathan," said Woodrow, "you and I must have a serious conversation."

Jonathan responded with, "Give me a minute I have to go get my breakfast before I can talk about anything." Jonathan entered his kitchen and slid his eggs and bacon onto a plate as well as two slices of buttered bread.

Woodrow had a serious looking expression on his face.

Jonathan noted, "why the glum expression, friend? What's up?"

Woodrow answered with a sigh, and he started to talk about how they had gone drinking last night and that Jonathan had disappeared. "We were all fine and dandy, but then about half-past twelve I saw you wandering off with some guy in a trench coat. You looked like you were having a conversation about something serious.

"Do you remember talking to him?? I fear that we may have lost you to this guy."

"What are you talking about Woodrow, I'm here and fine. See, you can see me and I can see you. Isn't that all the proof that you need?" Jonathan was satisfied the with the way he answered, however, Woodrow was not.

Jonathan looked up the stairs and saw his cat playing with a ball of yarn. That's strange, he thought, I don't own any balls of yarn, now where did she get that from?

"Wait, Jonathan, you must look at me."

With that, Jonathan turned to Woodrow and looked him square in the eyes. For an instant, Jonathan could see into Woodrow's thoughts. He heard Woodrow's consience tell him that he must get out. "Whatever do you mean, Woodrow? Get out? Is that some kind of crazy drug-talk? Have you been dipping into the golden stuff again?" stated Jonathan.

Woodrow then started to turn into a puff of smoke. With a flash, Woodrow disappeared and left only a cloud of smoke behind.

Jonathan was completely taken aback by this, and decided that he should wake-up. He concentrated on his happy place, the lake where he and his dad went fishing when he was a child...

***** EPISODE 3 *****

Hind site is always 20-20, except when Jonathan sees his own death...

Jonathan woke up in his easy chair with a booming head-ache. He stood up and walked into his kitchen to prepare himself a serving of eggs and bacon. I must have hit the bottle hard last night, he thought.

He remembered going out last night to the Gin Rummy, and hitting the bottle pretty hard. He remembered talking with a complete stranger about something called a soul. Jonathan had never heard of a 'soul' before and figured that the stranger was crazy. Either way, Jonathan knew he was still alive, so what did he need to worry about.

After cooking his eggs and bacon, Jonathan sat down in his easy chair to eat. Then the doorbell rang. He put his dish aside, and rushed to the front door, and nearly stepped on his sleeping cat on the way. Jonathan opened the door to the man he had met last night. "Woodrow," he exclaimed to the visitor. "I should have expected that you'd drop by."

The visitor said in a low, deep voice, "I am not Woodrow. Do you honestly not even remember me yet? That is sad, Sir, very sad."

Jonathan had the sudden feeling that this stranger was not his friend and was trying to make him feel ashamed that he didn't remember who he was. To Jonathan, the stranger looked like Woodrow, but somehow he knew that he was not someone he had liked when he met him before.

Jonathan asked the visitor to come in and stay for awhile. "Would you like some tea or coffee?" asked Jonathan.

The visitor answered, "No."

"So where were we? I remember meeting you last night, I remember those eyes, as black as night. Did I make a fool of myself? I was completely drunk, you know." explained Jonathan.

The visitor did some explaining for himself, "Jonathan, I know this may be hard to swallow, but you promised me something last night, something very dear to me." He sat down in Jonathan's favorite chair and rested his hands on his knees. "You see, Jonathan, I work in a very lucrative business, we demand very highly of our clients."

Jonathan felt like he needed to defend himself from this comment, "What did you say? Something about me promising you something?" Jonathan sat in the loveseat across from his visitor. He picked up his plate and began to make a sandwich out of his bread, eggs, and bacon. It was dripping with grease. Jonathan noticed a drop of grease fall, but just as it was about to hit his pants, it disappeared. "Well would you look at that, disappearing grease!"

Jonathan's visitor was becoming agitated and squirmed in his seat. "You see, Jonathan, you can have more than disappearing grease, you can have a whole world of your own to conquer, cherish, love, and own. I can give you all of this, all you have to do is give me one useless part of yourself." The visitor sensed that he was making Jonathan uneasy, and clarified himself, "Jonathan, how do you think I know your name? Do you remember even telling it to me? Because I know who you are without you even speaking to me."

"Jonathan's my name, and yeah, you're right, I never did tell you my name. How did you guess? Limited ESP, I suppose."

"I know that which you can have," at this point the visitor gave up on words.

Jonathan's nose began to itch, and he could sense himself drifting towards his visitor. He could hear his visitor's thoughts coming loudly into his head. He said, "My name is Beiivul, and I own the ground you walk on"

Beiivul spoke again, breaking Jonathan's concentration, "Jonathan, you must see the world as thought it is yours, because shortly it will become you."

Jonathan finally caught on to what was happening. He stood up, walked to his front door, opened it and walked outside. The sun was great and huge in the sky, and was markedly red. The sky itself was an illuminated pink. Beautiful day, thought Jonathan, beautiful day.

Just as Jonathan thought of what was next for him to do, he got a flash of three memories. The first was him when he was little and he got hit by a van. The second was when he was drinking and got alcohol poisoning. The third was him falling on his head when trying to do a handstand in the middle of the street after a hard night of drinking. He then realized that all of these things fit together somehow.

Jonathan got another flash inside of his head. The ground was snow covered all around. He ran inside his house (the visitor was gone, only his shoes were sitting at the base of the easy chair), Jonathan ran upstairs and grabbed a jacket. He had a thought. It is snowing outside, so there must be snowplows going through the neighbourhood.

I must find a snowplow, and fling myself in front of it. This way I can prove whether or not I've died. If I'm dead, then I won't be able to be injured. On the other hand if I'm alive, and I fling myself in front of it, it will kill me. But I know I'm dead...

*****

Jonathan ran to the street corner. He saw a snowplow barreling toward him. At the exact instant that the snowplow drove by, he flung himself out, head first, in front of it. Miraculously, he stood up again shook his head, and realized that he could not any longer be killed. He was as immortal as he believed himself to be.

*****

Author's note: Once upon a time I, myself tried this last part. To my astonishment, a portal to another universe opened itself up and saved me before I was able to be creamed by the snowplow. It changed my view and respect for life forever. I credit God with saving my life.

*****

Jonathan Schpeilton awoke with a strange sensation in his head. He felt alive for the first time in ages. He realized the his doorbell was echoing throughout his house. "Someone's at the door." He got up right away, flung his robe around himself, and hurried down the stairs to see who it was.

His friend Woodrow was at the door, holding a briefcase in one hand, and a coffee in the other.

"Come in, come in, Woodrow, I've been expecting you." Sorry about my attire, I slept in late this morning as you can probably tell."

"No worries, Jonathan," said Woodrow.

The duo proceeded into the kitchen, and Woodrow put his briefcase on the kitchen table. Jonathan proceeded to make himself a cup of coffee.

"Now I know we talked about this last night for some time, but are you sure that you want to take another life?"

"I'm positive that I need a new one, Woodrow, I ended mine in a dream last night."

Woodrow presented Jonathan with a small black tin, emblazoned with a golden snake, wrapped around a dagger. "Jonathan I know you are deserving of another one, so here you go."

Without any warning or delay, Jonathan downed a red pill that was inside the black tin box.

"Let's go to the living room, I want to sit in my easy chair. I feel most comfortable there," said Jonathan. The two proceeded into the comfortable rose-colored room, and each took up a chair.

"You know, Jonathan, you have really lived a good life. Not a long one, but you were a pretty good guy. There's just one thing I must tell you before you go on to the next life. You were a stillborn. You were born dead. You have lived this entire life of yours inside of your mother's womb. You now know how this can happen."

Jonathan closed his eyes and pictured happiness...

*****

Jonathan woke up in his easy chair with a terrible head-ache. His head reminded him once again that he was dead, except this time, he heard a voice inside of him tell him that "there is no escape, pills or no pills."

Jonathan proceeded to make himself breakfast, although he knew that it would either be burned to a crisp, or someone would show up at his door. He continued thinking this until he downed the last bite of his perfectly cooked sandwich. Amazing, he thought, not a single, reminder or interruption. I wonder how far I'm going to make it today...

*****

Jonathan Schpeilton woke up with a splitting headache. "Damn" he thought to himself... "Back to square one."

He proceeded to walk outside of his house, wearing only his pajamas. It was a splitting cold day outside, and the wind was howling. Two of the children playing down the street from where he lived saw him in only his pajamas and were pointing and laughing at him. One of the children threw a snowball. Much to their Surprise, Jonathan ducked the snowball, and threw another right back at them, hitting one child right in the face. He started crying for his mother.

"Oh God, now I've done it," exclaimed Jonathan, who went back into his house again. He trenched upstairs and put his clothes on, expecting the angry mother of that child to show up at his door.

Surely enough, as another day in hell would prove to him, the mother showed up at his door. She was holding her child in one arm, held up to her chest, and pointing her finger at Jonathan. She was noticably angry with Jonathan.

Jonathan opened up his door, and started right away with the most lewd swearing he could come up with, "Bitch bastard cunt rot fag crap damn hell get the fuck off of my property lady before I fuck your son."

Much to the surprise of Jonathan the woman was not even aghast. She instead drew backward ten feet, looked up at the sky, and dropped her child to the ground. She then grew in size and in ugliness right before Jonathan's eyes. The normally five-foot four inch woman, now stood a hundred feet high, and had horns the size of Texas coming out of her head. She glowed as red as the Sun, and fire was coming out of her mouth. She raised her foot 30-feet in the air, and slammed it down on top of Jonathan's house. His house was flattened like a pancake.

***** EPISODE 4 *****

How far can I go?

Jonathan woke up with a splitting head-ache, and what felt like a splinter in his eyelid. He opened his eyes, and saw his living room. His eyes burned, and he looked out his window first thing. He saw the Sun was yellow again, as was the sky blue. Finally, he thought, I must have escaped. He pictured in his mind his bedroom, and voila, he was inside of his bedroom. "Okay, you're sure wearing me down, Beiivul."

Then before his very eyes, appeared the stranger who called himself Beiivul. "You called, Sir Jon?"

Jonathan looked at Beiivul with a look that could have fried an egg. "Beiivul, is this world your creation or mine?"

Beiivul answered, "Yours, not mine."

"Then why is it that whenever I do something, I get kicked in the ass and then have to start over again?"

"Because you only believe that you can go only so far," Beiivul was prepared to answer any questions that Jonathan had.

"How far can I go?" asked Sir Jon.

"As far as your imagination can take you, I assume you know what an imagination is. You didn't know what a soul was. The pickin's are easier the stupider they get..."

"Hey what do you mean stupider? Do you take me for a boob?" Jonathan didn't intend for that to come out as a question.

This time Beiivul answered in Jonathan's head alone, 'I take you. That is all.'

"Okay, take off now, ya freak," rudely announced Jonathan. But he was surprised to see that Beiivul remained. Jonathan closed his eyes and imagined Beiivul walking out the front door. He heard the door squeak closed, opened his eyes and Beiivul was gone.

"Okay," proudly announced Jonathan, "Today we're going to have some fun."

Jonathan searched his laundry room for some clean socks, got dressed in dirty clothes, grabbed his coat, and walked out the door. He forgot his key, but thought oh well nobody's alive enough to steal from me in this world. Halfway to the other end of his street (he was going to the bus stop), he realized something. First of all, the sun was red again, the sky was lime green, and the pavement was navy blue. He closed his eyes and imagined a blue sky, yellow sun, and black pavement. When he opened his eyes, his eyes were truly opened, for he saw what he had imagined, with the exception of the pavement, which was still navy-blue. At this, he heard Beiivul's voice in his head saying, "there's a ten percent chance of failure on every wish... It's how the Gods keep themselves occupied, wondering what you'll think when they mess your world up."

"Grand," Jonathan said simply.

Jonathan at this point decided to go nuts on the wishes. He imagined himself at a tropical beach with women all around and a bar to his left, and a television to his right. He opened his eyes to see not only a tropical beach, and many beautiful half-naked women, but a bar to his right, and two televisions to his left. He then imagined a remote control... But this will never do, he thought. What can I imagine thats better than this? He then pictured himself on ice skates playing a game of hockey on his favorite team, the Montreal Canadiens. He opened his eyes up to see each and every player all on the ice and practicing their game.

But this will never do, he thought to himself.

He then imagined himself being a star. But then he realized. Its all to obvious. God created day as good, and night as bad, stars come from night, therefore stars are bad. If I become a star when I die, then I'm no better than anyone else before me. Fuck that, Jonathan said to himself, I'm going to become a black hole, I'm going to eat up all of the stars around me. "Mwu ha hah," a maniacal laugh snuck out of him.

*****

Jonathan awoke to the sound of a crow cawing outside his window. He looked at his watch, it said 17:00, or 5pm. He must finally be out he thought. He remembered the giant woman, he remembered becoming a star, then a black hole, then the hockey practice, then Woodrow giving him the red pill...

Oh yes the red pill...

Jonathan quickly called Woodrow to report the findings of his dreams, Woodrow quickly confirmed that he was no longer dreaming. Woodrow reminded him that he had one more pill left. Without hesitation, Jonathan quickly downed the red pill, and tried not to think about stars...

Conspiracy
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