FAT THEOLOGY
- And God populated the earth with broccoli and cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow vegetable of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.
- And Satan created McDonald's. And McDonald's brought forth the 99-cent double-cheeseburger. And Satan said to Man, "You want fries with that?" And Man said, "Super size them." And Man gained pounds.
- And God created the healthful yogurt, that woman might keep her figure that man found so fair.
- And Satan brought forth chocolate. And woman gained pounds.
- And God said, "Try my crispy fresh salad."
- And Satan brought forth ice cream. And woman gained pounds.
- And God said, "I have sent your heart healthy vegetables and olive oil with which to cook them."
- And Satan brought forth chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter. And Man gained pounds and his bad cholesterol went through the roof.
- And God brought forth running shoes and Man resolved to lose those extra pounds.
- And Satan brought forth cable TV with remote control so Man would not have to toil to change channels between ESPN and ESPN2. And Man gained pounds.
- And God said, "You're running up the score, Devil." And God brought forth the potato, a vegetable naturally low in fat and brimming with nutrition.
- And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy center into chips and deep-fat fried them. And he created sour cream dip also. And Man clutched his remote control and ate the potato chips swaddled in cholesterol.
- And Satan saw and said, "It is good." And Man went into cardiac arrest.
- And God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.
- And Satan created HMOs.