My TTM "Success" Story (anonymous)

Before I begin rambling, I want to state that "success" with trich for each of us is as unique as we are as people. John L. on the TTM remailer has done a super job of reminding us that success for one person might be accepting trich and living a full life with it. I had a great life even during the years when I was pulling semi-out-of-control. So please don't think that I am saying that what has worked for me is THE way to go! However, I want to offer up what has worked for me in my battle to beat TTM... I have been persistently pull-free, and totally pull-free for the most part, since October of 1997.

I am a scalp-only puller. I began pulling at around 12, and I am now 41. In August of 1997 my sister found the trichotillomania remailer run by John Kender (thank you JK!!!!!!!!!) and I went through the emotional experience of learning that I am not alone. I would guess that most of you trichsters out there have had the same experience - the amazement, tears, and the new-found comfort that there ARE other people on the planet who understand!

In researching trich I found a therapist who worked with Charlie Mansueto. I went to a few sessions with her, and the dynamics did not work for me. While I understand that research on TTM is quite new, this therapist was quite young and I felt that she was learning more from me than I was from her. This is not to say that she did not help me - she did! She pointed out that I might want to keep tactile objects in my normal areas of pulling - for example, in my nightstand so that I could keep my hands busy while reading at night. The first strategy in my fight against TTM was the use of tactile objects to help me to break the habit of putting hand-to-head.

The therapist also suggested that I note if anything stressful had happened to precede times of heavy pulling. I began to notice my stress triggers. For me, this can be something as simple as saying something that I feel MIGHT have offended someone else. Many of us trichsters are highly sensitive to others and their moods or nuances, and are very hard on ourselves. So the second strategy was to learn to forgive myself and to notice any correlation between stress and pulling. My family noticed that I was not being the family peacekeeper quite as much, and that I said what I thought more often. I am protecting me now, not just other people.

The third part of the battle for me is the JK Diet. I have found that peanuts and a lot of soy or sugar are a problem for me. I can eat them occasionally, but if they become a regular staple in my diet the annoying ache and itch return to my scalp.

Using those three strategies - breaking the habit with tactile objects, noting stress-related triggers, and watching my diet, have worked wonders for me. But I think that the real key was determination. My current remission was NOT easy - my itching, aching scalp drove me nuts, but I was a woman on a mission! I was strong and I would beat TTM - or at least reduce its hold on my life. If you want to take TTM on, do it when you are mad enough to have a fighting chance. And love yourself if you realize that the time is not right for the fight.

I did have one relapse of occasional pulling that lasted about 2 months. I slowly undid a lot of the progress that I had made. I did not beat myself up, but I got back on the horse. I wrote to the wonderful Amanda, who helped a lot with the simple reminder to NOT TOUCH because that is what the trich monster wants me to do. This line of thinking might not help everyone, but it works for me.

This is not a battle that I will win every day of my life, and that is okay, but as time goes on it just gets easier and easier. Do I have a full head of hair yet? Nope. The areas of my scalp from which I pulled for almost 30 years have grown in slowly and more thinly - but I will do my best to protect them and let them come in their own time. Those around me probably notice that I don't have the thickest hair on the planet, but I arrange my hair in such a way that no one knows about my trich unless I choose to share. I have been married for 15 years, have two children, and my husband could care less how much hair I wear!

This is only MY story and MY opinions. I wish you the best, and please remember that life is good - everyone has something to deal with in their life - please enjoy yours!