Thousand Acre Woodz Underground Inc.

TTSA Shitty Productions

This is a paraody of the classic Children's book "The Cat In The Hat" written by Dr. Seuss orginally. I have done a remake of it named "TTSA In The Hood" this is a ghetto version and contains strong language and describes horrific blood and violent scenes. So Enjoy.....

**Gunshots are heard throughout the projects, all is dead or almost dead. Two poor black kids in the projects look out their windows scared of what will come and get them..then TTSA shows up through the door the barrages through with a 40 strapped on his pocket and a 22 in his rear view.**

TTSA: The Fuck's up?? Yeah that's right kiddies..TTSA's here with all of your cures for a fucken dangerous day in the broken down dreary projects. So lighten the fuck up or else i'll make you if you get my drift.

Male Black Kid: What the fuck? White motherfucker in a neighborhood like this?

Female Black Kid: Nigga gotta be crazy not to shoot ya

TTSA: Settle down little negroes, as I tell you the story of how I got here..first I came by the bus, smoking up the rope then I traveled by my feet, slick as hell feeling sick ass hell as I ran I almost got hit by a fucken '92 Ford Van. Fucks need to know how to drive 'round or i'm going to stick my foot up they tailpipe and they hit the gas, fucken fumes stay in the pipe heating up hype..fuck then Ill hear a loud BOOM as the fucks blow up in their wannabe truck. Yeah...anyways I heard some fucks like you's needed some entertainment so here I am in all my glory with my bag of 20 40's.

Male Black Kid: You fake as hell white boy, get the fuck outta here before I sick my pops on your vanilla ass.

TTSA: But hold up homie..yo daddy ain't here that means for now I'm in charge, so fucken keep in line or you'll hear the end of my hand hit yo' face, bitch it'll feel like mace.

Female Black Kid: Naw you get outta here or else I'mma call....I'mma call..

TTSA: What?? The Cops Bitch, you ain't got no balls literally you aint got none. So keep your hand off the ringer or you'll get a welt on your head, no you ain't going to bed, i'll make you give me head.

Male Black Kid: What the fuck is so special 'bout 'chu anyways? You just a wannabe black, motherfucker you aint got no gangster in you. You faker 'n the butter on the popcorn at the movies...bitch!

TTSA: No gangster huh bitch boy? I got gangsta whoreboy, you want some more boy of my rap skillz they ill like the dill from the fridge from back in the 20's the cronies in the homies, naw ain't no fuck got nothin' on me, i'll bash you, crash you, i'll fuck up your whole world, stirred up like a potta shit you'll ass stink like the mink on a chinese ho, getting packed in the back by an american named Carl, Mo' Motherfucker, you need some more?!

Male Black Kid: Okay so maybe you got a lil' but where's all this fun shit you keep talkin' 'bout fucka?!

TTSA: Oh so you's want some fun is that it? I got my two friends from the west side, born from a bad nest they mutant as hell, mellow as weed but packs the carnage like the garbage from a junkie's house, the kinda trash the guys with no homes look through maybe for a couple of dollars, hollers heard from the whorehouse they heard, yeah my homies been through it all and still haul it all strong as an ox on some 'roids, they burn your ass like the HIV given by Seigfriend and Roys. In the other words i'm about to spit here are some men you never wanna meet..fucken hell 1 and 3!

**Two small guys jump out of a box that magically appears**

Female Black Kid: These fucks smell horrible

TTSA: You ever went without a shower for five years bitch...yeah that right shut yo' dick suckin' mouf!

Male Black Kid: Yo dude what happened to Number 2?

TTSA: That homie got shot in the head with a nice hunk a-lead. We all gots to remember him though..fucken gang wars never end.

**TTSA pours some liquor for those lost**

Female Black Kid: Motherfucker you gettin' our floor dirty.

TTSA: What the fuck are you talkin' about bitch? This is the projects, floor already dirty as hell with maggots and coachroaches and whatever diseases ya'll carry.

**Before anything else can be said a big ass dog comes through the back door angry as hell barking and shit**

Big Ass Dogg: Motherfuckers! What the hell you doin' lettin' this jiving ass white boy into yo' daddy's house? Fucka gone a be pissed after he finds you let a white boy in, he'll lynch the fuck as you know he's a member of the Black Panthers.

TTSA: Those Motherfuckers don't scare me bitch! I say bring 'em all on if they hate me they can take up a fight with me.

Big Ass Dogg: Don't worry whitey they ill ass hell packing heat that a terrorist near bin laden would go and hide from, lots of motherfuckers died from they hands of the death that they carry, scary big ass 9mm or the powerful rapid fire of an AK, bitch ill smoke ya like a joint and butt you out like that big ass white chick you fucked last night, that's right fucka you know who i'm talkin' about that big fat bitch named Kim Moreler, you know you were into her you sick fuck you better off suckin' a gay guy's dick then that shit but I ain't give advice to a motherfucker who don't know shit 'bout the streets, you nothing but a beat, old and shit, worn out and tore up. Nothing left of you but shreds a shit and body parts lay all on the ground as you stare down me right here, you know you can't match up to me you suck almost as much as you raps...BIATCH!

Female/Male Black Kids: WHOOO WHOOO WHOOO, YOU JUST DROPPED SOME HIZZZ-EEEAT!

TTSA: Yeah whateva, I'll tell you right here Dogg I aint no joke. I'm a human as you can see you eat your shit you should be more like called a PIG, you nothing but a jokester, you connected by a chain how you suppose to come and get me, your name should be fitsy for all your reputation is it can be compared by a can of shit, stank and heavy like the weight of the world. But you wouldn't know nothing 'bout the world Dogg, you ain't seen the streets almost never, you endeaver that chain you grown used to it. You probably wouldn't know what to do if you DIDN'T have it! You suck ass like hell, bells would be a nice improvment to your chain so motherfucks know who comin', stormin' on the inch of ground it gots left. You shit dogg, get the fuck outta here!

Male Black Kid: He burnt your ass dawg!!

Big Ass Dogg: Yeah whatever I ain't wasting my time with this white trash shit.

TTSA: YEAH! YEAH! WALK AWAY BITCH! Now since I won that little rap battle I gotta job to do, 1 and 3 get out there and fucken do what you do best and raise some hiz-ell. Fuck up the place more 'nen it is and make the fuck think when he come home that a fucken bulldozer came trotting through, fucken it up.

**Fucken Hell 1 and 3 start knocking shit over and destroying everything...just a few minutes into it the hear a pound at the door..who could it be?**

Both Kids: OH SHIT IT'S POPS!

**They're dad walks through the door to see the place a fucken mess.**

Pops: WHAT THE FUCK?! Who did this shit!? Was it you little fucken kids again!? Huh!?

TTSA: Naww. I got this kids, yo big man! Over here'a! Yeah fucka, I did this shit, what you going to do about it!?

Pops: I'm going to fucken kill you!!

TTSA: DIE MOTHERFUCKER!!!

**TTSA pulls out an AK-47 and mows the fucka down with a big ass array of bullets that peirces the man all over, in the crotch especially. He falls down all bloody and dying**

Both Kids: YOU KILLED HIM YOU WHITE MOTHER...

**The kids are stopped by the sound of sirens**

TTSA: Shit I gotta be out before real fucks come trying to ruin my shit!!

**TTSA runs outta the back door of the house forgetting that the Big Ass Dogg is still there..and he's waiting for him**

Big Ass Dogg: What you doin' whitey? I'mma maul your ass for killing my master!

TTSA: You first you big dumb fucken waste of life!!!

**TTSA pulls out a bow and arrow and shoots the dogg in the head with the arrow which has a movement sensitive peice of explosives on it. TTSA moves outta the way**

**BOOM!!!!!**

**Fucken Dogg's head is blown into a million peices. TTSA then runs away from the projects avoiding the police...**

THE END

THIS WAS A TTSA SHITTY PRODUCTION WITH THOUSAND ACRE WOODZ UNDERGROUND INC.